Cut myself out again

[warbler]

I get on really well with my work colleagues when I'm in the work environment but tonight they're all going on a hen night out to which I was invited weeks ago. I originally said I'd go but it would depend on where they went. They decided on a meal and then an 80's style club afterwards. I used to go to the place in my 20's so know it well. At that point I decided I couldn't cope with going and pulled out.

This solved the issue of the horrid anxiety I get at the thought of going out in a gang of people (there are others that I won't know going too), but I' m left with feelings of having let them down- especially one of my trainees who was trying to persuade me yesterday that she'd have a better time if I went. There's a part of me that wishes I could enjoy myself and get involved but the sick feeling and shaking I get, plus the desire to escape and run away home are too much to deal with anymore. None of them know about my problem with anxiety as there have been a couple of staff in the past with similar problems and none of the others were particularly understanding and thought it was a little bit of a joke-not in a nasty way, I just think they didn't know how to deal with it. The boss in particular doesn't seem very clued up on anxiety and stress which can be a problem and in the end i just have to keep all my difficulties hidden away.

I just told them I was getting up ealry on Sunday (which is true) and couldn't cope with the late night. The girl who's getting married looked really disappointed which made me sad.
I hate all these inner battles with my conscience!

Warbler

[chalky]

Hi Warbler,

Don't give up on yourself or blame yourself for being ill.
You can approach the girl who's getting marrried next week and confide in her.Tell her that you are unwell-no specifics required-and have to rest on Doctor's orders when not at work,at the moment.Buy her a little card and put some nice words in it to let her know you care.You could give her a little gift to go along with this.
What you can't do today WILL become possible.
Taking action like this will be a way of showing your Anxiety that you are fighting it-tiny acorns grow into great oak trees!
Keep believing in yourself.
Best wishes,
Chalky

[warbler]

Hi, thanks Chalky, that's a really nice idea. She only starting working at our place a couple of months ago and I really like her so I'd hate for her to be thinking I don't- if you see what I mean. Thanks so much for the idea, I feel bit better already. Soemtimes I'm so clouded by my worries I can't see the answers!

Warbler

[marie1974]

hi ya chalkys idea was a brilliant one and if you are not ready to go out soically like that it doesnt matter i know its hard worrying what people think and so in but just set yourself tiny goals and take it from there but dont do anything you dont want too. i am learning at the moment in my cbt to not worry about what people think so much because i was constantly worried and now i have a bit more of a who cares approach hugs xxxx

[RachaelShambles]

Hi Warbler

I recently done exactly the same thing.
No one at work knows about my anxiety and a week ago the manager told us about a party they where having to say goodbye to a collegue whose leaving because shes pregnant.
Anyway, the manager said she expected to see me there! Not in a nasty way, shes really nice but i think she realises im quite shy.

The party was to be at an indian restaurant, my worst nightmare as i have a fear of vomiting in public. I said i wouldnt be able to go. There was no way what so ever i could have say there and ate a meal in a busy restaurant with a group of people. No way, it would have been a total disaster for me. I dont think there the sort of people to understand an anxiety disorder, so i cant tell them.

I felt pretty bad as i made an excuse not to go to the last party they had.