So lost

[nikk_dolittle]

hey all.

I never asked for this, to be put though things... maybe that was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made...

who do I blame? Myself? Her? My parents? WHO!?


I don't understand how it was me


Now I have f**k all... the friends I made weren’t friends at all...


The parents I have... one doesn't care and the other is busy and still doesn’t care…



I have no escape place


Constantly stuck in a house with nobody to talk too... too afraid to go out... nobody to go out with... am I selfish for saying "WHAT ABOUT ME???"

Who decided to forget about me? Did my anxiety, go and email and text everyone I know to stay away from me?


I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND!


I'm a good person... I don't lie, I don't cheat, I always listen and give advice the best I can, and I give hugs to everyone who needs them... but where's mine?


I'm giving up hope so fast... yesterday I faced a fear... now I’m facing emotional fear yet again, heartache, panic, pain.... You name it I’m feeling it. My scars show my life, everyone who done things to me is on my body in scars and some may never go. I’m totally emotionless now….

This is the way SHE left me…so I guess SHE is to blame for this but what about MYSELF? And parents? Why blame me for it if its not my fault but who-knows if it is….I’m lost in everything now…

Why do I have this crap? I am a good person. What did I do to deserve this? I want to be 100% better and I fight everyday. I will fight till the end I will fight for those who can't. But why me?.

IM SO LOST in this now……………

I dont know why I have posted this, i just need to let it out. Sorry
nikk

[marie1974]

hello i can relate you you in stuff you have wrote, i am a good genuine caring person and honest too, im the first to help anyone but when i need someone theres no one, my parents dont wanna know i dont see any other family but i m lucky to have lovely partner and 3 great kids.
im having cbt and it teaches you to feel different about stuff and react different i have had 4 sessions and dunno wot i did without it she is great.
already i more confident but i have deleted some so called friends who just tend to stress me and make me negative off my phone and msn because i dont need them and they certanly not proper mates, i have a very small few that are my friends and thats it. i make sure i go out alot and keep busy and when i see those people who made me negative now i give them eye contact i walk tall, i smile and walk on and i think , well it them with the problem not me. people like us hun are good ens and people will take advantage but there are good people too we just have to find them. i have met some very genuine people through charity work mayb u could try that but b strong and determined and you will get there

[livingwithmyself]

awww babe. goodness me, your thread sounds so like the way i feel. for a start, i have no friends and i dont get why either - im young, happy and fun. secondly you ARE a good person, i am too but i think that if you are a fragile person people tend to pick up on that - i know this because of how many friends my fiance has compared to me. the saying " no one is gonna love you until you love yourself" springs to mind. finally, FAMILIES R RUBBISH. now im not saying all families are rubbish but i think that families can be quite unaware sometimes. we expect them to be loving and understanding and there for us and sometimes they let us down. i know my family let me down on a regular basis - im not allowed to be mentally ill by my mum - let alone talk about it. i really wish i could make it better for you - you do sound so lost. if you wanna talk right now - msn me - im here all night. big hugs x x

[marie1974]

just to say amnikk and estelvis pm me anytime we may attract the wrong company at times but i wouldnt change me for anyone we are the good guys so hugs both of u xxxxxxxxxx

[milly jones]

nikk u know im here hun

im sorry if im not much help

ive been so self centred today im sooo sorry hun

pls forgive me

milly xxx

[smudgie]

Hi Nikk

im sorry to have to say this but well done, yeh well done, you have just expressed something that i thought you wouldnt do, you have been brave and determined to write what you have, also I picked up that you are fighting and not allowing anyone to rule you.

NO ITS NOT YOUR FAULT but I know we keep blaming yourselves all the time.

Im really glad you wrote this but sorry I havnt been here for you today.

love your friend
ness

[milly jones]

nikk im about today hunxxx

tc mill xx

[margaret911]

for you Nikk


love Mags xxxxx

[marinna_love]

i can relate to this to. why us hey babe? what did we do the the world? you are not alone my sweet. im learin atm how to abit more selfish and look after myself. maybe you should start doing that. you deserve to be spoilt. you deserve to have everything you want and no one should say you dont.
kxx
keep strong

x

[maddie]

What happened to you in the past and the way people reacted to you is not your fault. Maybe you expressed your need more strongly and made some uncomfortable, but that is their problem. I did that. I was kind, good, there for everyone. got abused, taken advantage of and walked all over. When I couldn't take anymore the people who should have been there for me weren't - maybe through guilt, fear, embarrassment, I don't know.

I got to the end of myself. Then, like you, I began to fight. Whoever is in my life now is there because I want them there - not for their needs, but mutually for mine too. People learn behaviours, My parents always thought I was capable of solving anything. Now I tell them no. They were surprised and affronted at first, but actually it has done them good. They now work together to overcome trials they would have left to me.

You have a fantastic opportunity right now to rebuild your life the way you want it. I hope you find the strength to go for it!

Hugs
Maddie xxx