Disappointment

[popsy]

Feeling fragile today, i thought i was doing so well since they upped my meds and started seeing a psychiatrist. Have been thinking i was finally maybe moving forward, and was so happy and pleased with myself.....but over the last few days i have been feeling my anxiety levels rising each day and today i feel like a fool, i wasnt getting better at all...the tears have started again im so disappointed, i feel like im slipping back and i so desperately dont want too! I feel so slone with my thoughts, im on my own during the day, and i feel like such an unproductive person.......! Why do i have to be sliding back again, why cant i be on the road to recovery and keep going and ultimately reach my goal of being well, why do i keep being tricked into thinking im improving!!!??? Im so confused...... I hadnt cried for two weeks, and now i am so that must mean im going back again...... i dont know what to think anymore.
Im so sad.

[lesleyB]

Hi Charlie, don't lose hope, this is just a blip and you will get them from time to time nothing is plain sailing just when you think it is ok there it is again. Is there something you can do during the day so that you are not alone, could you join a club or a class or prehaps do some voluntary work?
Keep your chin up
Sending you hugs
Lesleyb

[milly jones]

charlie hun a big big hug

were good mates hun xx

millxxx

[popsy]

Thanks for your replies, its so nice to feel not quite so alone!
I think i always seem to folow the same pattern. I start to feel abit better and get really excited thinking 'this is it im on my way to being well', and in my own head i start pushing and pushing to be back to 'normal' quickly and then i start to feel anxiety rising up again and i imediately become incredibly disappointed and come crashing down really hard and feel like ive then made no progress at all. I cant see a bad day as just that, i can only see it as a complete failure on the road to recovery!
Im incredible impatient thats my problem and i cant seem to change my thinking patterns, ive had cbt counselling and i did it then too i thought 'im cured' but i wasnt and the whole episode started again!

[Cathy V]

Hi Popsy, yep this sounds familiar to me too. I think alot of ppl here feel the same, one step forward 26 back lol...like wading through treacle! i had a great day last weds, weather was brill and my daughter wanted me to go with her to the local outdoor pool. We set off with me on my jelly legs and ectopics going crazy, convinced i was gonna have a heart attack in the pool...havent swam in a few years, and since taking the meds my fitness level is appalling

But i did it and ended up having a relaxing day and was on such a high after it that i posted a thread about it. The following day i felt like crap again and was so disappointed coz i wanted the 'high' to last.

Then on saturday i went to the spring-fest here, again with much trepidation and feeling i wouldn't cope with the crowds. They had a live band and by the end of the evening i was feeling good and hardly thought about my anx and only after wards realised i hadn't felt my heart play up once. Ok i was concious of not being in the middle of the crowd, but stood at the edge but i really enjoyed it and again was on a high from it, but again came crashing down the following day.

Its disappointing i know, but at least i also now know that we can focus on something else and forget about the anx and feel better, if only for a short time. Claire weekes called these shot times 'glimpses' and its enough for now.

We have to try not to be too hard on ourselves and let recovery take the time it needs for each of us.

Small steps....
Cathy xxx

[popsy]

Cathy - thank you, that exactly what i needed to hear, your anx experiences sound exactly like mine, im not alone!!!!!!

Do you think these glimpses will get more and more often? Is that the therory? Have you seen me getting all impatient again, i just cant help myself!!!

Big Hugs
C x

[never2late]

Without trying to come off as trying to be a know-it-all, let me offer the following in the spirit of brother and sisterhood:

Try not to get too excited on your good days. Remember -- in the background -- our nerves are STILL in a state of depletion during the early stages of "recovery". Becoming too excited, or greatly increasing physical exertion, or even thinking "this is it . . . its finally over" is one the quickest ways to insure relapse. If you find yourself having a good day, take it as any other type of not so good day. Use it as a day to help your nerves reach even higher levels of recovery.

Remember . . . and this is VERY important . . . STRESS IS STRESS. It doesn't matter to the nervous system if it is good stress or bad stress. Our nervous system does not distinguish between the two.

If you can follow this faithfully, you will find that your one good day will turn into two, and two will turn into three, and so on.

Just a few thoughts that might help -- and I do hope that things get better for you. I know myself how disappointing it is to slide back after feeling so good.

[Cathy V]

Hi Charlie, yep i do believe these small glimpses will come more and more, and each small triumph is part of recovery. In time our tired minds will start to re-learn how to be more positive and less fearful, in the same way as it learned how to be negative and fearful.

Time and small steps and nmp!
Cathy xxxx