The Mask

[thevoicewithinme]

I sometimes write my feelings down in the form of poetry and thought that I would share this one with you all.

I wasn't sure where to put it, so have put it in here.

I live behind a mask so nobody will know,
the fear that I live with and find hard to show.
People looking in at me think I am fine,
Oh how I wish they knew how I struggle all of the time.

A mother of six such beautiful children,
too frightened to go out on her own apart from the garden.
So fed up with living behind this damn mask,
please someone help me, is all that I ask!

Too much hurt in this pitiful life,
twice married and now no longer a wife.
First husband died, and god I miss him so,
Second husband is nothing but a lowlife glad to see him go!

I put up a wall, which I live behind,
frightened to let people in, in case they are kind.
I want to be loved, for someone to see,
that behind this mask is a loveable me.

I spend each day here at home,
on the pc or talking to my mum on the phone.
I want to be outside, leading a normal life,
instead, reality is trouble and strife.

To have some friends would be such bliss,
but I guess by not having any I won't be missed.
By missed, I mean not going out,
Not, ending it all and that I swear without a doubt.

So much hate for myself inside,
Afraid to show my face, no wonder I hide.
Why don't people like me? I would make a good friend,
Perhaps its their loss in the end.

The urge to self harm can be so hard to control,
I once did it regularly but not for me no more.
Instead I sit here and cry and cry,
asking over and over...why oh why.

Why can't I have my life back, why can't I be me?
Why can't I go outside and let the world see?
That the real me is fun, loving and caring,
And that I have so much love that needs sharing.

My children are my life, my pride and joy.
One beautiful girl and five handsome boys.
They are the reason that I keep on fighting this horrible fear,
They are the reason that I am still here.

I'm sorry to burden you with all my trouble,
Briefly, I have let you inside of my safe little bubble.
For people to accept me, is all that I ask,
Then, just maybe...I can take off this mask.

Kaz

[milly jones]

hey kaz can we swop masks for the day?

its a beautiful poem straight from the heart

you have got friends here on nmp who undertand and accept you for the beautiful person u are hun

all my love

milly xxx

[Hope 2]

Hi Kaz

I just logged on and was drawn to your thread cos of it's title. I thought "oh this may be something I can relate too". I can't tell you how much your words gotta grip on my heart. I wanna say thank you for sharing that with us. Bet it was hard, cos it's really personal and I find it hard to admit how I have felt for years cos I have always hidden the real me behind a mask too. This mask when in position showed the outside world a happy, confident and funny person. Joining has helped me to start something to rid me of the mask and accept even like the true me behind it.

Your poem showed pain and sorrow but it also showed strength and determination. I loved it, you should be proud of yourself xx

Bye for now
Hope xx

[thevoicewithinme]

Thank you Hope and Milly..your replies meant a lot. I do spend a lot of time writing poems, but have never shared them before. I have to admit that after posting this one on here, I began to doubt that I should have...stupid huh? But I guess it's because thats me, the poem is me, even though it could describe so many of us here, but they are my feelings and as milly said, they are straight from my heart.

Kaz

[IrishPrincess]

Heya Voice,
Your poem was fab and i could really relate to it.I love writing poems too,i find it therapuetic.Well done hunxxxx

[gary_2.0]

Hmm, unfortunately I can relate to a lot of that as well. It's good to be able to talk about these things here because even though we believe we can't be the only one feeling a certain way it helps enormously to hear it said. I do believe we can be stronger through this website. Through talking and the meet-ups. I think if society in general were more interdependent upon each other it would make such a positive change. Instead we're all locked into our own worlds and staring out from behind our masks.

Sorry I can't think of an upbeat way to end this post except to say thanks for putting your feelings across. It reminds me I'm not completely alone, nor are any of us.