Is this the reason for my health Anxiety? Can anyone relate to me?? HELP!!

[Sheenbean000]

Hi!! I am a 22 year old happy go lucky beautiful person (might sound self centered haha) anyways, I come from a loving caring happy home never having anyone close to me die..not even grand parents. At age 8 I walked in to find my aunties and family sitting around the table and they all were crying and telling me that my mother had cancer. To me, I didn't know what cancer was or death was. For 2 years I was with my mother watching her progressively get sicker...not understanding that she might die. I was in the hospital by her side watching her lose her hair, have sezures, cry in pain, have canker sores...u name it! I saw her go through it...I had to help her have baths because she was so weak. August 9th 1997 my mother died. I was 11 years old and in sooo much shock that I'd grow up without her. Soon after my dad met a younger woman who had a 5 year old son 2 years later my step brother got hit by a drunk driver and was killed and I was there at the scene of the accident. Soon after that my dad divorced. I went to the doctor for a check up and came home and my dad asked why I went and I didn't wanna tell him because it was a paps smere. He asked if I had an std and I said no and he said" well, better be careful, everyone has std's even if they look fine, they do" and he went on about std's I was like whatever...but I took his advice. Finally at 19 I was moving to a city and when I was moving my dad told me that the city I am moving to is number one capital of std's and to be careful cause if I am not I could get aids. So whatever I was careful...then I started working with a girl who always came to work with a story about how she slept around with random different guys...I asked her if she wore condoms and she said no and then I asked her if she had an std she said she had Herpes and Genital Warts...I was FREAKED! I thought, my dad was sooo right! so I swore id get every guy tested before i slept with them and I looked up symptoms of std's and hiv...well, I got raped soon after...I FREAKED OUT! I didnt even charge him (stupid) I went and got tested right away...for 2 weeks I freaked out soooo bad...turned out I got clamydia from the jerk..suddenly things got a little stressful, I felt I had HIV! I couldn't eat, sleep, LIVE I got sooo sick finally I went to the doctor and got tested and it came back negative...so that reasurred me for a bit...then I thought NO the symptoms might not have shown in the tests yet! for 6 months I was sick with the symptoms...finally I joined an anxiety group...which helped me reasure myself that it's my anxiety causing me this grief...but, I still cannot get around it! I look up herpes to calm myself down so I know that I don't have the symptoms...but then I become obsessive...checking my body..any little body sensation I automatically think that it's herpes...I calm myself down by telling myself it's just my anxiety...then the symptoms go away for a while...then I get a little more stressed out and think that I have herpes again...it's a constant battle that goes on with myself...back and forth! "no...it's your anxieties" "but, the symptoms say that herpes outbreak happen when u are stressed out!" I hate it! Do u think that due to my past experiences is the reason why I am so obsessive? HELP haha I hate this!

[marie1974]

hello there, yes it sounds like your auntie being ill would trigger that and also what your dad said would sound quite scary and im sure he just said to to try to protect you but you have kind of taken it to the extreme by really worrying about it, and its triggered all these anxieties. my nan dieing 3yrs back triggered all mine, i thought i had alsorts wrong with me, eventully i did feel better though and i stay busy all day, walk loads and i am much more positive and happy, mayb keep busy hun and dont giv yourself to much thinking time and please do not google, u will get over it xxxxxxxx

[janni]

hello, it sounds to me like all the experiences you have lived through from such a young age until present have contributed to your anxiety. I am so sorry for the pain that someone has caused you too. It's no wonder that you are anxious about the things you are anxious about. But you have been tested and you were clear from everything except the one that would have been treated. So you are definitely clear, try tell yourself that, you haven no other thing or it would have been located. They wouldn't have missed anything. Another suggestion I want to make is apart from you anxiety group, have you sought help from a counsellor, because it helps to talk over some stuff, get rid of it then claim back our power to move on. Take good care. xx