Are we really honest?
I received a text message last night, asking how I am, to which I replied 'I am fine thanks, how are you?'
To which I received back 'Why do we always lie about how we are feeling?'
The text message I received was from another member on here, I won't name her, but she knows who she is...and to me she has been a great support.
What I am trying to get across is....are we really honest with other people about how we feel? Because, I know I am not. I never ever (but am about to) tell anyone how alone and scared I feel, how frightened I am of never getting my life back, and how at times I just cry and cry until there are no more tears and in my deepest darkest moments, I even think about ending it all, as I truly believe that my children would be so far better off without me, that I am a failure as a mother and so on and so forth...but then I stop...and I think of my children, and how four of them have already had a father who died, so need me even more...and how my other two (my babies) have got to grow up and then one day find out what their (blood) father is...and I realise that I cannot be selfish, I have to think of my children they all need me, as does my wonderful boyfriend who treats all six of my children as if they were his own.
How can I feel alone some of you might ask? I have a big family yes, and I know physically I am not alone, but mentally I am. It is only me who truly knows how I feel, it is only me who has all these horrible symptoms that come with anxiety and it's only me who can make myself go out, which, although I was finding it easier, I am now finding it harder and harder.
Maybe, that is why I cannot be honest with people about the way I am feeling. Maybe they expect so much more of me, and because I can't give it to them...I lie!
Kaz x
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I am nothing special...I am just me!