O why cant I be ok for a few weeks at a time???

[jellybean43]

Hi
I have definately been feeling a lot better than when i first came on these boards wayyyy back in March.I try to keep positive and I have read loads of stuff on HA plus I am waiting for CBT.
Today though I woke up with that feeling of dread as soon as i opened my eyes. My heart was pounding too!! I got up and told myself to get a grip!!I do however have PMT which is definately a big downside with this anxiety!!!!!I have been out on a 4 mile walk with the dog and OH and we stopped in the town for a cup of tea.When i went to the toilets i started looking at the whites of my eyes and convinced myself they had a yellow tinge(yeah i know i am going crazy!!!).
I kept asking OH all the way home if they looked ok and of course he said yes. When i get in they look perfectly ok in the light here!!!Why the heck do i do this to myself???I mean, i never used to check the whites of my eyes!!!And, I know that most ppl have a slight yellow tinge in the corner if they roll their eyes from side to side---mine have been like that since i was in my 20s and I am still here!!!
I am sooo fed up with this HA.Plus today i am feeling tired----and i know full well that a 4 mile walk at 43 in this heat would leave anyone feeling a bit tired!!!I am just sooo annoyed with myself. I had convinced myself that the whites had gone yellow and therefore my liver has been affected by lymphoma(as most of you know that is my main worry!!!).
Please can someone tell me i am ridiculous. I am driving myself loony---yet some days i am "back to how i used to be---normal".

Also forgot to add that i am due to start taking PROPRANALOL next week and I am sooo worried about side effects. I told hubbie only yesterday that i am feeling better and that i dont need them-----and he laughed!!!!Cos today here I am feeling rubbish again!!!
x
xxx

[marie1974]

hi jellybean just wanted to send u a hug ans wish u well xxxxxx
and im sure u r fine xxxxxxxxxxxx

[chalky]

Hi Jellybean,

In the great scheme of life,yesterday is history and tomorrow is a mystery.
Today is all that really matters!
We tend to be very demanding people.We want results yesterday.You started on a very positive note..look at how you have worked so hard to bring change into your life! Be proud of that!
I am an alcoholic and have been sober for nine years.Will it matter if I am sober in nine days?It only will matter in nine days time.
With anxiety as long as I give of my best and commit to doing things right today,I have a chance of making today a good day.If I fall into my old patterns of thinking,then today could be crap .
One day at a time gives us the chance to not put long-term pressure on ourselves and also lets us build up a bank of positive vibes to help us through the harder days.
Be positive about you and what you are doing.
Be determined to continue your good work.
Believe in yourself.
Best wishes,
Chalky

[Emira7]

I can't top what Chalky has said, excellent advice.

I have PMT as well, and my anxiety is terrible this time of the month. So bear that in mind also.

Big hugs
Emira
xxxx

[jellybean43]

Thanks for the lovely replies.
I dont know what has triggered it off today---can only think it must be PMT.
Now i am feeling my left collarbone and thinking i can feel something there---I have really made it hurt with all the prodding!!!
I am soo glad i can come on these boards ---they have been a life saver for me!!!!!
My main worry is changing tablets----terrified of the side effects.
Can anyone else offer me some reassurance about PROPRANALOL???
Thanks xx

[Liverbird67]

Oh jellybean

what are you like hun? you have done brilliant with your walk (no wonder you felt tired) I think its pmt, sometimes you get these horrors right out of the blue and before you realise it its that time of the month again. Try keeping a little diary you will probably notice a pattern emerging, try not to let the blips get you down, you are doing great, you have certainly helped me a couple of time with your sound advice.

Take care and take note of Chalky's good advice I don't think anyone can add to that.

Love

Debbie