Freaked out by suicide thoughts

[teresasavin]

Hi all,

I been suffering from anxiety and panic attacks for 6 months plus now and have only recently been put on to fluoxetine for this. I have been on fluoxetine before for depression and had no problems with them at all.

I have had terrible trouble sleeping this week and woke up at 1.30am this morning with some really terrible thoughts. All I could think about was suicide, not necessarily committing suicide right there and then but all I could think about was the word suicide.

It has really really freaked me out because I dont feel suicidal or depressed and it has come totally out of the blue. Now all I can think about today is how disturbed it has made me and cant get it out of my head no matter what.

I don't know what it means and Im freaked out what these thoughts might progress in to because I really don't want to die.

Any thoughts would be much appreciated.

Teresa

[marie1974]

hiya sometimes the meds can play havoc with thoughts etc so could be that but also are you seeing counsellor or anyone u can talk too? i think mayb samaritons is a good idea too as it will put your mind at rest to about things. its just thoughts hun, u dont actually want to do it, its just down to yr depression probably and talking is a good way to start xxx

[vladimir3d]

these are just the thoughts, don't worry too much about them. Just notice them and let them pass like clouds, and most importantly don't concentrate on them nor obssess. They will pass away, they always do, I know from experience

[Horse]

Hi Teresa.

Obsessional thoughts is just ONE of the problems related to Anxiety as such.
Suicide, self harm or harming loved ones are remember just thoughts that we can encounter. In the end, these thoughts become part of an Obsessional Compulsive Disorder, but remember they are only thoughts and fears. The fear that we might actually 'carry out' our thoughts are very very common and in turn increases our anxiety and the whole process becomes a vicious circle.

The fact that you find these thoughts disturbing indicates that you are perfectely normal. If on the other hand you felt that attempting to actually physically carry out these thoughts was perfectely normal, then there is a problem. Most of us who suffer anxiety suffer from thoughts or ideas which we find distasteful, upsetting and occasionally repulsive, after all, we are surrounded by the media which informs everyday of the evil there is in the world.

I was and still am to a certain degree concerned incase I go completely nuts or ga ga! The fact is that people who do go crazy are normally totally unaware of this fact and find their everyday actions perfectely normal and acceptable. We normally feel that suicide or the thought of it is a way out of our suffering and it is understandable to want to end a feeling that is difficult for us to endure everyday. We prefer pleasure rather than pain, so if when have to endure pain most of the time, we think of alternatives.

I am reminded of the time some years ago when I was really depressed and went for a walk along by the river. The weather was cold and grey, I looked at the water and thought I could end it all by just jumping in and drowning. The thing that kept stopping me was the fact that I couldn't swim!!!

Think about it!

God bless you.

Kevin.

[purplehaze]

Hi

I am positive many people reading your post can relate to how you feel because at one time or another most folk do have these thoughts, even those with no emotional issues have them. It may be a good idea to talk to your doctor about how you feel as the medication could be causing these thoughts. When I was on seroxat I felt the same but then that was not the best medication for me so we tried another and it was a lot better. It maybe you may be better on another medication. I am glad you have shared how you feel and I would encourage you to share the thoughts with your doctor.

lets us all know how your getting on

take care

[laurap]

hi eresa i know how you feel because i have felt the same. i am 30 and a mother of 3 and these thoughts scare the life out of me and if any thing like that was to happen. hang in there the more you try not think about it the more you will ( say to your self yes i am having these thoughts but that is not going to happen ) and then get up and keep busy , it works for me but it is not easy by no means
good luck and let me know how you get on
laura

[g28]

I know what its like to feel that way, Its hard to escape from it. But try and ask yourself why you think about it. Is it because you have had enough?

The good thing is that you are not going to take action from your thoughts, try and keep your mind focused elsewhere.xxx

[Tom_M]

Hi Teresa

Anything that scares us can turn into a phobia, even a word. What you need to do is to neutralise the effect it as on you when you think of that word.
Why it's possibly scared you is the fact that you even thought about it in the first place, and that in itself as triggered the alarm bells. Try not to be too frightened about it and the chances are that it will fade away on it's own in good time.

Tom

[sheba2]

Hi there.

I would check with your gp about your medication. A few years ago I took Citalopram(sp) having taken other anti d's in the past with no real side effects. During the first weeks on Citalopram I had really strange thoughts that were very frightening the main one being that I wanted to cut the flesh off my husbands arm so that it wouldn't be soft. I had no wish to hurt him I just didn't like the softness of his arm next to me in the bed. At the time this seemed a completely rational way to solve the problem. This thought only lasted seconds but the fear it generated has stayed with me and has put me off taking anti d's. My doctor said it was the tablets that caused this thought process and that it wouldn't last which it didn't but the fear has.

By the way I carried on with the tablets for two years and never had strange thoughts again so I think this is just a short lived stage with some medications for some people but it might be worth having a chat with your gp. Hope you feel better soon

[teresasavin]

Thanks all. I think it may have been my Fluoxetine. I've started to perk up quite a bit now and I have been taking them for about a week and a half now so Im hoping the episode has past for good.

Nice to know Im not the only one who has had these 'strange' thoughts and it seems it can be pretty 'normal'.

Thanks everyone.

Teresa