Hi,
Just really low because I don't seem to get any better and I really do try.
I seemed to hit rock bottom a couple of weeks ago, I was just floored with distress and emotion and literally cried all day, I couldn't stop. I couldn't concentrate on anything, I could hardly eat, I felt terrible, distressed, frightened, ill. I went to the doctor...he wasn't very sympathetic, but I got back on my meds and seemed to pick up slightly, although I was still in a bit of a state. I managed to calm down a little and eat a bit more, although I am still a bit underweight. I really really tried, even though every meal is a battle because I just don't feel like eating.
As I say, I had a slightly better week and I started to think about returning to work, not full time but just the odd day here and there. Apart from anything else, I've run out of money! So I planned to go in today, not working as such, just getting the feel of being back and trying to banish the memory of the panic attack I had there last time I went. But I woke up this morning and lo and behold, it was all there, the dry mouth, the banging heart, the dizziness, the attacks of diarrhoea. I know I won't get better overnight but this just seems cruel. It's twenty past eleven and I still haven't got anything done, I'm in too much of a state, my hands are shaking.
Sorry to moan on again, just feel dreadful. x
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