Depression hurts

[halesy]

Hi everyone, Im new here today, looks a great site! I am 40 and have had depression most of my life. I think alot to do with my hormones and terrible PMS.
My problem is when I get really bad my head is so foggy and dazed, I feel like I've been hit round the head with a bat.
I am well aware of all the ways I could help myself but I just dont seem to be able to find the will or motivation do anything to make myself feel better. Its almost like there is a nasty rebel inside that is prepared to let me suffer. I almost feels like self harm if that makes sense.
It drives me crazy, I dont know how to break this behaviour and feel in such emotional pain.
I was due to see a counsellor for the first time today and locked my handbag with my keys, purse, phone etc in the car so didnt get there. This is so typical of me - Im now slating myself.
I've got a doctor's appointment later (will have to get a lift there!) to increase the dose of my meds (Citalopram) have been on 10mg for a couple of months.
Anyway, hope I havent waffled on too much! Love to all! Halesy

[marie1974]

hiya and welcome, dont beat yourself up about mistakes that happen in life and dep is a horrible thing but u can beat it, counselling is great so keep it up and b totally honest with counsellor as u only get out of it wot u put in. also exercise is brilliant in helping dep, i exercise every day, keep posting and u will get lots of help and advice here. ps the exercise will elp to motivate you and keep u positive if u stick with it, also set yourself small goals and keep to a daily routine of getting up certain time, shower, chores etc it all helps and gives us less thinking time to feel negative xx

[yorkylover]

Hi halesy and sounds very much like depression and anxiety.You may need your citalopram putting up.Im on 40 mg and have been for a while.Seeing a counsellor will help you off load your thoughts and feelings.
Im 41 and had depression for as far back as I can remember.I also get pms and have hormonal problems.
There is always help and support here,and your never alone.

[milly jones]

hi halesy

welcome to nmp hun

im currently fighting a second severe depressive episode and yes it does hurt so much

and whats worse is theres not outside sypmtoms for anyone to 'see' the hurt ur experiencing

im on citalopram to if that helps

take care

milly xx

[Nibbles]

Hi Halesy and

You'll get loads of advice and support here while making new friends along the way.

Don't be hard on yourself, we all do daft things now and again.

Take care,

Mike

[Lilith1980]

Hi Halesy

Welcome to NMP

Jo xxxxx

[Moo]

Hi

My depression/panic (i think) is hormonal. Have you tried tracking your cycle for a few months (i keep a little notebook) to see which days you are worst? I was taking a 'womens' multivitamin (think it was called 'monthly cycle' or similar from Boots) and that did help a little.
I get a spaced out, far away head with sudden pains which is hard to bear, so I can understand how you feel. And dont worry about locking your stuff in the car, I sometimes get in the car and cant think or focus and am not even sure where I'm going!!! (although that could be part of getting older!!!)

Hope things get better for you soon

M x

[chalky]

Hi Halesy,

Welcome to the Forum.



You will get loads of support and advice here.
Best wishes,
Chalky

[halesy]

Hi Ellen, thank you for your reply. I will hopefully get an appointment on Monday now to increase the citalopram. I've had a rotten day today but its nice to speak to people who understand on here! Love Halesy xx

[halesy]

Hi to everyone! Thanks for your replies. Its nice to be here with people who understand! I have done the vitamin thing and I used to enjoy exercise, I do keep track of my cycle etc but these days as I said I just wont let myself do anything to help myself - has anyone been like this? I dont understand why I wont just go and do some exercise or work towards goals or take my vitamins, like I said it feels like theres a demon inside stopping me! I dont know if this makes sense xxx