Hi all, just wanted to share this with you as was so pleased with myself.
After nearly 3 1/2 years I finally went out on a girlie night!
The last time I was in a pub I had one of my biggest panic attacks, all I remember is noticing everyones mouths move and hearing a hum of chatter, i felt everyone was looking at me (of course they weren't) and felt as though i was going to faint. My boyfriend ushered me out and i swore i would never step foot inside another pub!
This became a huge issue with me and I have declined the offers of nights out and party events since. Until last night.....
The evening had been arranged for a while, and when asked if i would go too, i declined.
Yesterday afternoon I arranged with just one friend that i would go, I chose not to tell the others as i didn't want to make it a big deal.
I planned what i was wearing, so I didn't get stressed out finding a last minute outfit or upset over that whole "God I look so fat tonight" drama.
My boyfriend dropped me and my friend in town and said that he would come back for me at any time, even if it was 5 mins later. This helped as I knew i wasn't putting myself in a situation where i would be stuck somewhere for hours struggling to get a cab home. Armed with my Diazepam and my wonderfully understanding (first aider!!) friend I walked into quite a busy pub, ordered a drink and found a place to stand near the doors, (incase i needed a quick getaway!)
After meeting the others we moved onto a louder more clubby pub. This too was the place where i had had the huge panic attack years earlier and the reason i'd stayed in for so long. As i walked in i braced myself, and prepared myself for walking straight back out again. But i didn't, i just walked straight on up to the bar and ordered another soft drink!
We found a table (near the door! LOL) and sat there for rest of night.
I actually had a really good evening and am looking forward to doing it again. Just knowing that i had my escape routes planned and that there was no pressure on me and that i could leave at any time really helped me to do it. I had spent years building this fear up in my head and once i had faced it i realised that it was me who had made it and so it was only me who could destroy it!
Thanx for reading this, I just wanted to share it with you. KT x
Be gentle and you will need no strength, be patient and you will achieve all things.
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