Hi guys, sorry for the long post, but i've got a lot on my mind and i really need to get it out there and written down.
Basically Im a male, 27 years old, with a good job and a loving wife who is about 15 weeks out from recieving our firstborn.
around the start of may we went on holiday to spain with my inlaws. Id been working ten to the dozen in my job right up to the day of departure and was really looking forward to the holiday. Anyway, Whilst i was on holiday i noticed that my little finger on my left hand had started to tremor, moving from side to side on its own if i held my hands out, fingers apart. Me bieng me, i immidiatly jumped to the worse case scenario and thauhgt " what if i have parkinson or some other neurological illness, such as CJD " over the course of the holiday i kept checking my hands and the finger kept tremoring. after 2 days i noticed my little finger and my secound finger in on my right hand had started to tremor as well. This increased my state of panic futher and i then started to find i was getting finding it more and more difficult to get my words out and started focusing on that as well. Towards the end of the holiday i began to notice whilst i was driving i would be touching my face a lot, and was obviously getting rather adjitated by the whole situation. When i got back to the uk i then had my trusty friend the internet back at my disposal. Obviously i used this time to read up on CJD and to my fear tremors, speech difficulties ETC were listed as symptoms.
I also felt as tho i had trouble co-ordinating the mouse and typing porperly which i didnt have before this all started. I went to the doctors and he sent be for bloods to see what could be causing the tremors, but all the results came back negative. Since then ive developed major anxiety. the day befor i got back to work i went in and i felt lost and like i didint know what i was doing, and to my distress i found i couldent even remeber the names of people i have worked with for 10 years. This really paniced me and i went to the doctors and told him my fears. hes sent me to a nurologist to look into the tremors and has put my on diazapam to try and calm me. I actually felt well for about 4 days after i went on the diazapam but now i feel as bad as ever.
Im going over music in my head all the time, i have a blanket state of panic over me, i feel as if my whole body is shaking, im constantly checking my balance, looking in the mirror to check my smile which seems to be twitching, i cant function at work. I keep trying to tell myself that if i had human mad cow dieses that i wouldent have forgot the names of pepople 3 weeks ago yet rememeber them now, or that i wouldent have felt that i couldent use my hand properly or write with a pen 3 weeks ago and not now. a degenerative dieses shouldent get better then worse then better. But i am filled with the worst kind of dread that i am not going to be around to see my baby, that i am losing my mind, having bad thaughts. Im also having trouble reading, predicting what the words i am reading are going to say before i finish reading them, and just thinking random things in general. i feel dizzy, like my legs wont work properly. which in tern make me test things like walking and balance, obsessivly. Its destroying my life and im so scared.
the problem i have is that anxiety is a symptom of CJD, so being told all my other symptoms are bieng caused by anxiety dosent really seem to help me stay calm or relax, all it does it make me think " oh so i have a symptom of CJD " rather then think that im am suffering from anxiety.
Any thaughts.