HELP. Terrified i have vCJD

[Marginalia]

*hugs*

I went through the vCJD-fear stage about 10 years ago, or whenever it was it was first in the news, when people were projecting it could be an epidemic. Like you I got a twitch in my hand - might have been my left thumb. I also developed a twitch in my eyelid which lasted two months. I didn't know at that time that twitches are a really common symptom of anxiety. It subsided eventually.

To this day I don't eat beef.

You're really panicking about it which is making a vicious circle of symptoms, but it's really good that you went to your doctor. Talking to a counsellor may help too. I think daisyd hits the nail on the head: look at what is hapening in your life at the moment and it's a pretty significant coincidence that you're coming up to this huge life-changing thing, and you've developed panic.

This is exactly what happens to me - for whatever reason I seem to displace my anxiety about huge real things (which I feel consciously quite calm about) into health anxiety about completely unrelated imaginary things (of course they don't feel imaginary at that time).

I rarely revisit the same health anxiety more than once, so I've 'had' vCJD now - perhaps it's not scary enough any more. Currently I have early onset Alzheimer's instead (I'm 41) and although I deduce it must be health anxiety because it's so improbable and health anxiety is what I do when I'm stressed, it's still hard to fend off that part of me that thinks, yeah, but, maybe I really am ill this time, and degenerative brain disorders are the scariest thing ever (of course I have to give myself the scariest thing ever - coincidence?! - you know, I'm at the point I'm wishing it could be cancer instead).

Really: been there done that and I sympathise completely with you. All I can stay is stop googling scary things and google about anxiety, if you must google at all.

[Marginalia]

Just wanted to add that you're doing really well bringing your rational side to bear on things. Another thing to ask yourself is why did some of the symptoms develop only *after* you read about those symptoms being associated with vCJD?

As I said part of me is convinced I have Alzheimer's, and I mostly manage to talk myself out of this, but the panic gets triggered every time I notice myself making an absentminded slip or a memory lapse (had a night of panic last night because I'd been to a meeting and not recognised a woman I'd spent a few hours with, in a group, about a month before). Like you I look at my handwriting and think it is deteriorating. Every time I get two letters in the wrong order or include an extra letter by mistake, it triggers the panic.

I'm not sure, but maybe there are four things people like us have difficulty with (depending on the individual):

(1) realising that slips, lapses, odd pains, twitches etc. are actually pretty common (we just don't notice them when we're not anxious)
(2) realising that the probability of anything being seriously wrong is actually incredibly low (vCJD is really rare - and the publicity it gets is completely out of proportion to its incidence)
(3) not being very good at coping with uncertainty (so even a 0.001% chance of something means we have to dwell on that possibility.
(4) such a feeling of dread associated with that thing that we fear the fear we would have if we did actually get it, fearing we just wouldn't be able to cope at all

[Marginalia]

Oh, and one more thing (I just can't shut up once I get started )...

You say: "But i am filled with the worst kind of dread that i am not going to be around to see my baby" - do you think it possible that this is your way of worrying that you may not be able to be an adequate father for your child? This is such a classic worry for parents-to-be.

My father has always been a worrier. Apparently he went to the doctor about it and his doctor said once he had children he'd stop worrying about himself and start worrying about his children instead.

I remember speaking to my father on the phone a few days before my half-brother was born (my father's fourth child), and he was really gloomily convinced something must go wrong with this one, since the other three had been healthy births. He muttered something about 'nemesis', which I think is a Greek myth (he's a classicist) suggesting that if you take too much joy or pride in something, fate will come back and punish you.

I think he had a superstitious fear that he dare not hope and expect things to be all good, or he would be punished. Maybe he even felt he didn't deserve such happiness.


My half-brother's birth was equally as unproblematic as all the rest (as most births are), and all four of my father's children are fine.

[worriedsick2009]

i know im bumping an old thread here but i basically have the same fear and i have been in a panic for 2+ months. OP did you ever overcome this fear? (basically it would be very comforting to me to hear that you did not contract vcjd).

[keyhan]

You are not dying of cjd.

Have you thought of any names for your new son/daughter?

I remember when my oldest was born I was excited and scared (even though I had nursed babies before) but it all turns out OK in the end. And very soon they will be the apple of your eye.

i have more complicated problem i think i will get vcjd by cutting my hand
with a device made in uk in 1994 .can any one help me?

[LaNae]

This might sound bizarre but thank you so much for this thread. I have had a vCJD phase recently and reading about other people terrified about it helps me get it into perspective. I can easily see the worries of other's being overblown and due to anxiety but when it comes to myself everything feels so real. I convince myself that because I must have had beef at some point in late 80's/early 90's I could be harbouring dormant CJD.

All I can say is I know how you feel. Your symptoms sound just like anxiety to me. It does crazy things to the body. I remember having a bout of Parkinson's fear and stretching my fingers out and noticing my ring finger shake. Or that my arm shook when I held a glass of squash.

Now I'm mostly onto other things and it's funny how the symptoms change with my fears.

[LaNae]

i have more complicated problem i think i will get vcjd by cutting my hand
with a device made in uk in 1994 .can any one help me?

I've got to say I have no idea how that would be possible at all. CJD is transmitted by prions through eating the meat of an infected animal, not by cutting your hand on an object.

[randomworry]

i used to have this mad cow disease fear then i realised basically everyone ate beef and not everyone gets it- its far too rare to worry about.

[LaNae]

Need some help guys.

Just read about dormat CJD and am now sick I might be harbouring this without knowing. I'm worried this might turn into a panic attack and no idea how to calm down :(