scared - first day of work tomorrow!

[LisaS]

not going back tomorrow it was just a one off job.. thought i'd ease myself back gently!! seeing my psychologist tomorrow. it does make things easier if you have something happening in the day. I know this may sound crazy, but the word 'suicide' crops up in my head about every 10 mins.. just the word, not even the act of doing it, the word scares me enough! but it wont seem to go! its really like an obsession with me.. I wish that word didn't exist.. sorry, maybe I should have started a new post.. can you just reassure me i'm not loopy and that it doesn't mean its destined to happen to me..
thank you,
lisa
xxx

[kirgray]

Hi Lisa

Hope today went well. Let us know how u got on!.

X X

[sal]

Hi Lisa

Well done you, see you did it however hard it felt.

Hope it goes well with you psychologist. You made a big step today and coped and you will again.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.

[LisaD]

Hi Lisa,

Good for you for making it "back out there". Baby steps will get you there! Just concentrate on the fact that you made it through the day successfully, and this will help the next time you face another challenge.
About the suicide thing....its weird but I experience the exact same thing (although not as fequently as you). If I see something on tv, or hear something about it, it freaks me out. And just the word suicide also passes through my head. I think it may be due to the fact that I heard that some people commit suicide when starting anti-depressants, and so I have just chalked it up to my anxiety about the meds. Does this sound familiar? I'm not an expert, but I have been reassuring myself by telling myself that I'm not actually thinking about committing the act, therefore I must not be suicidal, and that it is just my brain playing tricks on me. It has been helping...maybe this will help you? Take care, let me know if you want to chat more about this!

Lisa

[LisaS]

hi Lisa..
it is weird the whole suicide thing. thats exactly it though, its because anti d's and depression are always associated with it, and whatever i hear about it being in an anxious state that I am, I relate it to me.. I talked to my counsellor about it today and she reassured me that its probably due to the fact I have made such a thing of it that it has stuck in my mind as something to be afraid of. even in my darkest moments i think, ok do you want to do it and each time i say, no. i think i'm just afraid of getting to a stage that i'll lose control of myself and not know what i'm doing and then want to do it.. i konw how irrational it sounds but me and counsellor lady decided to just not be scared of the word anymore and maybe say it out loud again and again so it doesn't mean anything.. and so far its worked. i said i should just make a song about the word. its like if you say, 'dont thing of a pink elephant' you are automatically going to think of one! it is annoying though! i'm sure it will go as i think my meds are kicking in now.. dont want to get my hopes up too much though just incase! anyway enough of me blabbering on, how are you!!!?

lisa
xxx
p.s. thanks for replying to this - its nice to know i'm not the only one obsessing!

[sal]

Hi Lisa

Feeling how we do it can become a bit of an obssession the suicide word and we think we could go to the next level and become afraid of it so much that we darent even think of it and when we do we have failed.

At my worst i couldnt watch the news in case i turned into some of the things that people do and i froze if the news came on so i totally understand how you feel.

You have done well mate and i hope it carries on for you.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.