Ill start off with a brief backed ground,im currently, my brother died 7 years (he was 8 at the time) my mom became suicidal and my dad became an alcholic.
Ive had problems with anxiety for about 2 years, starting with little things like my health.
In the last 4 or 5 months, ive become terrified that im going to harm(kill) somebody. Most of the time im worried that id harm someone I love, but sometimes its random strangers I see in the street etc.
Its gotten to the point where I feel like its going to happen whether I want it to or not, and It scares me that one day I might start liking these thoughts, and will want to act out on them.
Ive be trying to put together reasons why Im feeling like this, I do not think it is simpily OCD, but a form of anxiety, with other background reasons built in.
Heres some of the reasons why I think i feel like i do.
Ive seen psycitrists and doctors, and I have had councilling, all of which have helped to a certain extent, but im still sitting here, scared, and worried that i will act out of these thoughts.
- I have been, and still am, very depressed, and this has lead to lack of emotion, which make me feel like I just wouldnt care if I did something to someone (even though im sure I would care)
- I have lots of built up anger, and stress, which im scared will find its way out.
- IT sometimes feels like if i did harm someone, that all these thoughts would go away, which is stupid, and rationally i know its not true.
- Ive come to believe myself as a bad person, who is capable of doing something like that, although in truth, I dont think I am.
Thanks for reading, im sure ive missed somethings out.