Harming others....Intrusive thoughts....

[hallam11]

Hello,

I am sorry that I have not replied before this but I have been on holiday and wanted to say something about this. What you said in your first post about being scared that one day it will happen and being scared of losing control and sometimes feeling like if you do do something then it will stop these thoughts. I have had this down to a tee! When you say that you think it my be due to stress and anger pent up that is exactly how I feel, its truly awful and I am so sorry that you to have to go through this too! All of those on here that have replied actually. It is truly an awful cross to bear! I know it can feel that it will happen whether we want it to or not but I really think, after 5 years of suffering myself that it wont. Anxiety can make things way too much for us. I agree with what Bill says, I think the fear is the major thing in it.
I know just how hard it is, I have had so many bad thoughts but mine are mainly sexual ones now which make me feel even worse but I know that I wouldn't be going through all o this pain inside if they were true.

I hope you manage to handle these and live with them for what they are.

Take care xxx

[jlcougar12]

So glad I found this site!! I know it hasn't been posted on in about two years but it was really helpful.

I've had a lot of these same thoughts. Thoughts about what if I took a pair of scissors and jabbed them into my stomach. What if I got a rope from my jacket and hung myself or what if I took my own hand and choked myself.

Well... I don't want to do any of those things. I love my family too much and wouldn't want to cause them any pain if any of those things ever happened. I don't want to have my roommates find me dead... I realize if I really wanted to do those things then people finding me wouldn't matter. I'm not suicidal but these unwanted thoughts almost make me feel as if I am suicidal. I love myself. I love my education, my future career, my family, my religion. I would never want to do anything to compromise my future. So I worry about my thoughts whenever I have them and I play the images through my mind like a video.

I feel like a horrible person who really wants to harm myself. When I was first diagnosed with anxiety last year I even took a pair of scissors and held it up to my stomach but I could never make myself jab them in. I can put my hand on my neck and squeeze it tight but I can still breathe. It's almost as if I am just checking myself, to see how far I will go or to see if it could actually happen.

The thoughts are scary and I'm on Prozac 20mg for anxiety/depression but it doesn't seem to be helping right now (I'm about three weeks in). Hopefully I'm not the only one with these thoughts!

[capricorn234]

I have just joined this site and I am so relieved to know that others have these thoughts too. It truly is terrifying and when it has been at it's worse I have felt suicidal. Now I know that it is part of OCD and that I am not alone it makes it more bearable. Everything that you lovely people have posted I can identify with. Thankyou so much for sharing on here and making this so much less terrifying. Mine are usually about my son, the most important person in my life and therefore this hurts the most. I just want to live a normal life without this torment.

[Scared_11]

So glad I found this site!! I know it hasn't been posted on in about two years but it was really helpful.

I've had a lot of these same thoughts. Thoughts about what if I took a pair of scissors and jabbed them into my stomach. What if I got a rope from my jacket and hung myself or what if I took my own hand and choked myself.

Well... I don't want to do any of those things. I love my family too much and wouldn't want to cause them any pain if any of those things ever happened. I don't want to have my roommates find me dead... I realize if I really wanted to do those things then people finding me wouldn't matter. I'm not suicidal but these unwanted thoughts almost make me feel as if I am suicidal. I love myself. I love my education, my future career, my family, my religion. I would never want to do anything to compromise my future. So I worry about my thoughts whenever I have them and I play the images through my mind like a video.

I feel like a horrible person who really wants to harm myself. When I was first diagnosed with anxiety last year I even took a pair of scissors and held it up to my stomach but I could never make myself jab them in. I can put my hand on my neck and squeeze it tight but I can still breathe. It's almost as if I am just checking myself, to see how far I will go or to see if it could actually happen.

The thoughts are scary and I'm on Prozac 20mg for anxiety/depression but it doesn't seem to be helping right now (I'm about three weeks in). Hopefully I'm not the only one with these thoughts!

Everything in this post I identify with!! I have been having these thoughts for about 8 months and the severity of how much it effects me changes all the time!

I also love my family an have the most perfect boyfriend ever an the thought that I wud act on an impulse and kill myself makes me feel sick to my stomach.

Every time I hear of someone who has committed suicide I put myself in the picture and imagine that it will happen to me and it gets me so down.

I have health anxiety aswell which goes perfectly hand in hand with these thoughts because I worry that I will become severely depressed and start to de value my life. This worry obviously just feeds my intrusive thoughts and it's like a little vicious circle I get myself on. I feel so much more better when I read thing like ur post as I feel less alone an it reminds me it is just a fear.

And with the fear being so strong will mean that we will never act out in these thoughts as the terrify us too much.

[jlcougar12]

Everything in this post I identify with!! I have been having these thoughts for about 8 months and the severity of how much it effects me changes all the time!

I also love my family an have the most perfect boyfriend ever an the thought that I wud act on an impulse and kill myself makes me feel sick to my stomach.

Every time I hear of someone who has committed suicide I put myself in the picture and imagine that it will happen to me and it gets me so down.

I have health anxiety aswell which goes perfectly hand in hand with these thoughts because I worry that I will become severely depressed and start to de value my life. This worry obviously just feeds my intrusive thoughts and it's like a little vicious circle I get myself on. I feel so much more better when I read thing like ur post as I feel less alone an it reminds me it is just a fear.

And with the fear being so strong will mean that we will never act out in these thoughts as the terrify us too much.

Exactly! It's just one of those things I have to keep telling myself. It's a fear and the fact that I'm afraid of it means I would never do it! It's so hard to convince your mind of that though.

I understand how you feel and every time I have those intrusive thoughts I worry about what would my Mom do? I mean it's like it's so realistic even though it's not. I can tell with Prozac that I'm able to deal with things better but it still feels like I have a nagging in the back of my mind about something that I'm worried about.

I know that we'll get through this. No matter how many times we have to convince our brains that it's just a fear and we'll never do it.

[Scared_11]

Yea it is very hard at times and at the minute feels like a constant battle.

I know that I will never do it but I can't help but worry that my mental state will change and I won't be able to cope with my worries anymore and I will eventually do it. I do recognise that's that is all a part of the fear of losing control.

I also imagine my family and my boyfriend and how hurt they would be.

Have u tried mindfulness meditation? I tried this about 6 month ago an it seemed to help a lot but I haven't kept up with it so think thats why I have got myself back in this vicious circle. Along with the recent news of an unexpected suicide I have but become so trapped in my own head and all my worries have come straight back. I do hate it.

[jlcougar12]

No I haven't heard of Mindfulness Meditation. I am going to look into several books targeted toward anxiety that come with workbooks. The best way to learn how to deal with anxiety and those thoughts is to learn more about it and ways that you can conquer it. It's all in the mind and the mind is a powerful thing. I went to a counselor one time who said I had to "train my brain". Whew-- it's hard stuff.

But despite all of the worry that we both have when we have these thoughts we learn more about ourselves and the strength that we really have. We have these thoughts but you haven't done anything because you see where your heart really lies.

[gjbrph]

Has anyone tried 'The Linden Method'? I was plagued until I did that. Then I was free!!!

Relapsed recently tho... but because I took my eye off the ball.

xxx

[jlcougar12]

Actually I was just diagnosed with OCD. Most of the symptoms that I had corresponded directly with OCD. That is if you obsess over those "scary" intrusive thoughts.

Anxiety follows a bout with OCD. I'm not saying that everyone has OCD that has this problem, it is definitely caused by anxiety. Just make sure you get checked out by a health care professional.

[Scared_11]

Yes I was also diagnosed with OCD for my intrusive thoughts and then health anxiety.

The OCD was the intrusive thoughs of 'what if I jump of a bridge or hang myself or slit my wrists?' etc

And the health anxiety is 'what if I become so depressed that I want to do all these things? What if I give up my battle with OCD and eventually do want to kill myself'

I am not as bothered by the intrusive thoughts now but the health anxiety is still bothering me on a daily basis. I still worry for hours that I am going to become depressed an lose the will to live.

I don't want to die atall and I can always see light at the end of the tunnel but this worry does get me down.

I have heard of the linden method sO I might look into that again.