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Thread: How To Help Parents Cope

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
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    How To Help Parents Cope

    Hi, I'm a newbie, so bare with me. I'm sorry its so long but I don't know how to cut it down. I'm so upset right now.

    I am what is termed 'morbidly obese' have had Arthritis in my ankles since I was 6yrs old, and always found myself a little social phobic. As a kid, I developed a rare condition called Multiple Allergy Syndrome. It meant that when I handled certain metals and plastics, I developed blisters almost instantaneously which scarred and took forever to heal. It has been treated via a pioneering and radical treatment, in 1998, and thank goodness, I only get that reaction on a very few things, but never as dramatic or life threatening.

    Then in 1997 - first year secondary School - I developed O.C.D. I know when almost exactly when it started invading my life, and what started making me feel dirty. I never felt I could admit it to my parents. I have only openly admitted it to my folks since 2001. It causes a lot of difficulties at home, and my parents and I often argue about it. My O.C.D. takes the form of hand and body washing. I never feel clean after handling things - weirdly, that does not include my pets, not even if my cat has been outside.

    Then over the past 3 years I have been involved in 3 car crashes, and last week a taxi drove into the bus I was on - talk about feeling like an extra from the Final Destination movie ! Anyway, the last one in September 2004, I was the driver. The one in 2003 - as a passenger, I had to be cut out of the car and because of my weight it took 13 Firemen to lift me out. It was so humiliating and they had to grab me and manually haul me onto a body board. Some of their hands were grabbing places that left me feeling degraded. I was discharged from hospital 48hrs later with a crushed vertebrea, whiplash and shock. Being in that filthy hospital unit was more traumatic for me than the car crash.

    Anyway, the car crash in September was bad. It resulted me in having panic attacks. Its at the point now where, I cannot drive, and if I get panicked, I attempt to get out of the car, even if moving, or lunge for a handbrake screaming and crying. I will never drive again. Its very stressful for the driver - usually my parents too. My dad is convinced I'm acting and mum ends up shouting at me that she can't cope. At Easter just gone, I lost my job because I was never able to get to my desk on time as I needed calm time down once getting out of the car. Leaving home earlier meant heavier traffic and more panic attacks. Work said this meant to them that I wasn't dedicated to my job or colleagues, even though they witnessed a full on Panic Attack when my boss gave me a ride home one day.

    Because of the panic attacks, my anxiety levels are sky high, and so my O.C.D. is worse. Coupled with a recent invasion of flies in the house, due to next door's dogs and then never cleaning their yard, (can't use chemicals because of my allergies) it has reached the point where I now can't eat anything at home, because I get it into my skull that the flies have been on the pots and pans and things, after opening a cupboard and seeing a few flies come out. My dad never closes cupboards and drawers. He is no support as he keeps telling me that O.C.D. is an attention grabbing, melodramatic disorder, in spite of all the info I get for him.

    Mum is more helpful and sympathetic, but lately Mum has been yelling at me, that she can't cope with me. I have my own cutlery and plates, that only I deal with and as I can't cope with cooking in our house, I buy weigh****cher stuff that is cookable in the microwave. Today's stress was that, I went shopping for groceries. My Dad unpacked it all - he didn't realise it was mine, and my brother left my loaf of bread open on the side. I dived at it horrified when I noticed it, and sure enough out of the bag, a fly appeared. The loaf went in the bin, and mum screamed at me. She said it was my imagination, I swear it wasn't, but she said she is fed up of my condition and what did I want from her, then she went all silent and said sh

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    , , United Kingdom.
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    Hi Jinx

    Welcome to the forum u r in the right place to get lots of good advice and everyone is really friendly!. Im so sorry to hear about your situation and hope that your mum and dad will soon be able to understand how you feel!. It is hard for people to understand my fiance is there for me but I can tell he doesnt really know what to say to me about my problems!. Just remember you are not the only one like this dont feel alone, hope to hear from you soon

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    , , United Kingdom.
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    hello Jinx,

    Welcome to the forum!! It's great to have you here.

    Sorry to hear about what you are going through. We all have different bizarre obsessions and needs and you should not be ashamed about yours. I'm sure that your parents do not mean to hurt you even if it may seem that way sometimes. It can be very difficult for people who do not suffer from OCD or panic attacks to completely understand what it entails and, in most cases, they have no idea how to go about dealing with it. Because of this, your parents are probably feeling more frustrated with themselves that they are with you.

    It must be hard for you as you are allergic to so many things including meds which might otherwise help you. Maybe throwing yourself into some activity that you really enjoy might help..? This often works for me because it takes my mind off the negative things and makes me feel good about myself afterwards because I feel like I have accomplished something..

    Do let us know how you are getting on. Looking forward to getting to know you better.

    Sarah

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Location
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    2,181
    Hello Jinx,

    Firstly, are you getting any help with your weight problems ie a sensible diet regulated by your GP?

    Losing some weight would help with your own self esteem issues and also with your arthritis.

    I know it's very hard to diet especially when feeling low, but I do think that it would have a positive impact on your life.

    Secondly, I am the mother of a girl of 13 that also suffers from OCD, although it does not present in the same way as your own does. I also suffer from anxiety and depression.

    Despite my own experiences of anxiety etc, I have previously had no dealings whatsoever with anyone suffering with OCD and I am finding it extremely hard to deal with.

    It will of course be even harder for your parents if they have had no previous dealings with anyone suffering mental health problems.

    I sympathise with both yourself and your parents. Unfortunately, OCD is very hard to deal with due to the complex and ever changing symptoms. I try to remain calm with my daughter but have to admit to losing it sometimes and shouting due solely to the fact that I feel that I can't cope with her behaviour and strange rituals.

    I'm sure that your parents are trying their very best to understand and to be supportive to you, but it is very, very hard to remain calm day in and day out when dealing with such a complex illness.

    What kind of info have you presented to your parents to keep them better informed about your illness?

    There is a very informative OCD website which gives information, help and support to both sufferers and their carers. The address is www.ocduk.org . May be worth either directing your parents there or printing off some information for them to read. There are also a number of books available specifically for OCD carers, a good selection can be found on Amazon.

    You also need to go back to your GP and explain how bad things are for you at the moment. Write it all down and hand it to them if you find it hard to talk to them face to face. It is obvious that you are not coping with it all and that more therapy is needed. Fourteen weeks is definately not long enough for you to have turned your life around and overcome the OCD.

    If drug therapy would be helpful, are there any allergy tests which can be carried out to find a drug which you could tolerate? Again, this would be another question for your GP.

    Finally, you and your family have my greatest sympathy for the strain you are all going through. OCD can drive a great wedge between families, everybody trying their best but not knowing the best way to deal with it all.

    I hope that things improve for you very soon, thinking of you

    Love Kate xx


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