Bad Day

[kirgray]

I feel like Ive been on here all day complaining...Ive had a really crap day. From the moment I woke up I was exhausted and felt really rough and then the day got worse....Im waiting to start a new job at the mo, I left my other one thro my panic attacks, so was on my own as boyf works. I went to take a DVD back to the shop bout 10 mins drive and all of a sudden I was crying my eyes out alone in the car, thinking I need help Ive lost the plot having these feelings and feeling very down like I was in a big black hole and very scared!. Anyway I havent been completley open with my thoughts to anyone apart from my CBT therapist so I had so much going on in my head that when my boyf came back from work I told him everything Ive been feeling, about feeling worthless, panicking about even going to get petrol, feeling lonely and just letting him see me at my worst. Ive always been brought up to be a fighter and not show emotions...boyf understood he has had PA's before aswell but he only had them for a very short period, I feel so embarrased at him seeing me like this and deep down I feel bad for putting him thro this and feel that he would be better off with somebody who doesnt have excess baggage!Well enough of my ranting have just been the pub to see a friend and still feeling a bit down but feel better for expressing my feelings.[Sigh...]

[seh1980]

hello Kirgray,

Well done for telling your bfriend exactly what you are going through. Now that he understands, he will be able to help you a lot more. It must be good for you too as you have it all off your chest..

Sarah

[kairen]

H i kirgray,

Your boyfriend seems to understand especially as he has ben through it himself, look it this way would you love him any less if he had a pa, no you would want to be there for him so at least give your bf the chance to help you,

Did you feel better for having a good cry, i still now have days when i cry but i dont stop it now i just let it out and normally feel better for it,

i do hope you feel beter soon xxx

kairen x

[carlin]

Hi Kirgray,
sorry you are having a bad day, things will gradually improve for you, and i think that now you have told your true feelings to your boyfriend, things might ease a little, you will, maybe, be able to relax rather than put on a great big front for everyone. you have taken a big step forward by explaining your problems to your partner and he will now be able to help you. try to relax (easier said than done) and keep in touch.

[Emmie]

Hiya Kirgray,
I hope you feel a little better after explaining everything to your boyfriend. Its the hardest thing to do but it was the best thing you could've done! I understand completely what u mean about having been brought up to not show emotions! I think that maybe thats half the problem-holding everything in and pretending things are fine. Loads of my friends still dont know exactly how bad i feel as i think they just think im being stupid when i try to tell them.
I also am exactly the same with my boyfriend about sometimes thinking he would be better off without me and with someone who could be 'normal' all the time. Im pretty sure your boyfriend would be horrified at the thought of being without u- ive said it to my boyfriend before and im very lucky that he tries to be extremely supportive.
I really feel for you because i know exactly how u feel.
take care
Em xxx

[kirgray]

thank you for all your replies they mean so much to me. I hate having to have what feels like constant reassurence but when you are down words can mean so much... Boyf says were in it together and hes going to help me he really is the best, thank you BIG HUG TO ALL X X X

[henri]

kirgray that's such fantastic news!! i'm so glad, i think it'll be so much easier for you having someone around who knows exactly how you feel.
i know what you mean about fearing your boyf would prefer to be with someone with no baggage - it's a natural fear that everyone has, but at the end of the day, everyone past a certain age has baggage of some sort and i'm sure he loves you just the way you are!
henri x

[sal]

Hi Kirgray

He says we are in it together, accept that, however hard and bad you feel you are in it together. We all have baggage, not just emotional but sometimes kids and other problems. He has being there and wants to help you, he understands so let him help you through this. Dont fight it, let it come and pass and he will still be their wanting to be with you and we will support you all we can.



Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.

[Karen]

Hi Kingray

Sorry you had such a bad day. Some days really are the pits.

I'm glad your boyfriend is so supportive of you. I think we all think we are a burden to the ones we love at some point when we are ill but your boyfriend obviously loves you and wants to help you through this.

Hope tomorrow is a better day.



Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

[kimmy]

hiya kirsty. ive just read what youve written, im sorry youve had such a bad day! (hug)
well done youve took the guts to explain to your bf how your feeling, you say hes seen you at your worse! id have to disagree... after aboiut 2 weeks of being with my bf i had sickness and dioreah(you guessed it) in bed i run to the toilet being voilently sick and yep standing there naked he comes into see if im ok and the other end started to work! THATS YOUR WORST I TELL YA!! not nice thaught but it gets my point across
explaining your worst, crying & snot bubbles in tow are all part of life, and im sure it can only make your relationship stronger
you know my email feel free to write xxxxxxxxxx