Suffering!

[mothermac]

I am in quite a pondrous mood today as I am tired(after another night of broken sleep) and have had a few panic attacks unfortunately. They weren't too bad on the whole but still managed to spoil the day.
Myself,my husband,daughter and mum went out to a garden centre this afternoon and I lost sight of them for a while which resulted in me losing them,this in turn led to me getting anxious and frightened and the staff had to put a call out for them(embarrasing)Anyway we finally found each other and I sadly shouted at them for not looking for me(they had not thought I was lost for a second and were looking at ornaments)so it was my b.......y anxiety again playing tricks with my mind.I walked back to the car feeling sorry for myself and wondering why I am a pain in the a....e.It got me thinking about a film I watched last week,and there is a speech in it that makes you think,itgoes like this,
Is life for suffering,and does God want us to suffer
Maybe the answer is yes,God does want us to suffer
He wants us to be like a sculpture's model,and the blows from
the chisel are like life's problems,they hurt us and cause pain
but after the pain we are perfect and unblemished ready
to be admired.
I can't remember it word for word but it went something like that anyway.It got me thinking that perhaps it's true and coming through my anxiety will make me stronger. I feel as though one day all this may be behind me and I can break free of negative thinking,cos that's all anxiety really is. My mother is a very negative woman and tends to think on the black side of everything,she is the phrophet of doom(my husband says)and often drives me mad with her negativity.

We all help each other on here and I know even though I am not cured,far from it that the folks on here have eased my symptoms somewhat knowing that they are there,thanks to all.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Bill]

Mothermac,

Some interesting points in your post.

Just some personal thoughts you've made me think about.

I think sometimes we can encounter setbacks or traumas through our lives. They can brush off some people but others will be affected by them making them feel that the worlds against them, nothing will ever change and everything will always go wrong; to expect the worst so you're never disappointed with what life throws your way. In other words I think a form of protection due to hurts inflicted in the past.

The trouble with negativity is that we never have any confidence in what we attempt because we always feel it's going to go wrong anyway. Just like panics. We end up not going out because we Expect to experience a panic and so when we do attempt to, our negative thinking makes them happen.

I always find that when I'm feeling negative, things don't go as I want them to and I'm convinced it's because that element of self-doubt exists due to lack of confidence which makes things go wrong because I expect them to.

On the other hand, when I'm feeling in a positive mood, I'm then also feeling confident and in turn things then appear to go right. Confidence breeds confidence just as negativity breeds a lack of confidence.

I always think of a goal scorer when I think of confidence. When a striker can't seem to score, his lack of confidence then makes it harder for him to score any goals but as soon as a lucky fluke occurs or he gets a simple tap in that he simply can't miss, his luck appears to change and he then can't stop scoring. However, I don't think it is his luck. I think it's because that first goal has boosted his confidence, his way of thinking and his movement around the pitch changes. He then Wants the ball because he then feels he can score every time which because of his self belief, he then does. They always say a striker feeds on confidence just as a goalkeeper does.

We all need self belief to achieve things in life because if we approach everything in a negative way, we never build the self confidence we need to survive.

Also when we are a negative person, those around us are also affected. I think negativity can rub off on those closest to us who are vulnerable so they can start to think in the same way.

They always say surround yourself with positivity because positive people can then provide us with self belief and build our confidence. A negative person will often not give huge amounts of praise or allow us to build our own confidence in our abilities. It isn't their fault though because they often care about us but maybe too much so that they are over protective. Sometimes in extreme cases, people can also put us down because of their own negativity because their life experiences have made them bitter.

I've no idea if it's true or not but it does feel sometimes that from the moment we're born our lives are mapped out for us. For instance, I know of a daughter who lost her father at a relatively young age. He had to be cared for by her and her mother. Later, she became a care worker. Is that because she had to care for her father or would she have worked in that field anyway? Who knows. I do know though that whatever happens in our lives it shapes our future. If bad things didn't happen, our road would take a completely different path but I also believe everything happens for a reason whether that's true or not and that we live to learn as well as learn how to live!

One last thought.

coming through my anxiety will make me stronger. I feel as though one day all this may be behind me and I can break free of negative thinking,cos that's all anxiety really is.

You're absolutely right. How can we learn or become stronger if we are never tested or experience hardship? Whether we actually do grow stronger is part of the test. If we pass, we will. If we give in, we'll fail but that's what life is and that's how we build confidence and gain wisdom through experience.

I am sure one day without you realising the change, you will look back at these days with a strength you will have gained from these bad times and you will have become a stronger woman as a result of them.