Public eating phobia

[sts]

Does anyone else have a phobia of eating in public? How do you cope?

It's really disabling in both my professional and personal lives. I end up avoiding social and work meals - which no doubt just makes it worse. I can't even handle the basic social stuff that most people take for granted like having friends to dinner or going to someone else house for a meal.

I get so tense and shaky that I can't use a knife and fork. I end up feeling self concious and that starts an anxiety attack.

[Cathy V]

Hi sts, did anything happen to make you feel like this? did anyone ever make you feel uncomfortable about your eating at all in the past? or is it an anxiety that has just come about out of nowhere? how long have you had it?

[sts]

It's affected me badly since I was 16 (now nearly 43) - so all my adult life.

Meal times when I was a kid were often unpleasant experiences due to a physically and verbally abusive father who often used meal times to have a go at both my sister and myself, as well as my mother.

In some ways I find it strange that I can't get past this because it is so clear to me where the threat was.

These days I know that when I eat with friends or colleagues that I am not going to get abused, but somehow that's never sunk into my sub-concious. Even after all these years I regress into that frightened kid.

[milly jones]

for me its about small steps with trusted ppl.

i first just had a coffee with a family member outside in a local beauty spot on a quiet day.

i added some cake a few weeks later.

i can sit inside now, but i prefer to have my back to the wall in familiar places, or sitting facing the wall if i feel more threatened.

i am able to cope with reasonably meals now. i started with just starter portions first, and gradually built up. if i only feel like a nibble i dont beat myself up.

i still cant go to busy plces in the evenings, or out with friends socially, but i hope one day to be able to have friends over etc.

i also think its imprtant to realise that this has cycles of up and down, and when ur down, it does get better, but u have to face ur fears and try and keep progressing.

i am currently not at work, and would struggle eating or drinking there, but i do feel i am getting much better at the moment

take care milly xx

[Zingara]

I have this too... I actually think it's quite common. I remember as a child dreading family meals in restaurants because I would be convinced I was going to be sick or choke in front of everyone. I used to think I must be the only person in the world to come home from a meal out hungry, because I'd been too nervous to eat anything!
These days I do like Milly and just have a drink, or if I feel I can manage some food, only a starter. I remember going out with my boyfriend, in the early days of our relationship, and going into a total tailspin in the restaurant. I literally couldn't eat a thing, and sat there shaking like a leaf. We're still together four years on though... I must have done something right!
I think Milly's advice is good, go out with people you trust and can relax with, and gradually build up to eating a meal... just start small with a cup of tea or something. I find I have good days and bad days, but I'm definitely better than I was. Take care and let us know how you get on. xxx

[Gabby]

Hiya

I have this too altho am pleased to say it is getting better.

Like the previous post, I reassure myself that I dont actually have to eat anything and I tend to order just a starter or ask for half portions cos that doesnt seem so daunting.

And I make frequent trips to the loo! I know that sounds strange but it helps break the feeling that Im gonna be stuck at that table until I've finished the meal and they also tend to be quite cool comparted to the restaurant so I can get some space to do some breathing and physically cool down.

My sis also suffered and she had two sessions of hypnotherapy and was completely cured! maybe its worth giving that a go?

Gabby

[JohnBliss]

I too have had this problem for many years but mostly it's in the anticipation rather than the event if only because the pre meal alcohol gets rid of the fear. If there is no pre meal alcohol I usually cope by focusing on other people , distracting conversationetc.On the occasions Ihave suffered the panic I've tried to let it pass which it will in no time if you let it be.The last time it happened my wife didn't even notice.
All the best
John

[sts]

I wasn't aware that this is so common. I've only ever met one other person and that was 20 years or so ago at an anxiety support group.

Pre-meal drinks can help but alcohol makes me sweat and as my panic attacks involve being very red and sweaty it just makes things worse.

Being red and sweaty is the worst bit. So embarrassing and probably not desparately pleasant for everyone else.

I find that a quick escape to the loo can help sometimes - feeling trapped at the table and too close to other people is definitely the problem. I can eat at my desk at work and have people around me without a problem.

I'm not sure about the idea of hypnosis. Maybe irrational, but it bothers me that I'd do or say things outside of my control.

Milly's right about this going in cycles - sometimes I am OK and cope. Other times I feel so shaky before the meal that I have to escape. I do try to not avoid meals - but sometimes I'm in a panic before the meal even starts.

[samc100]

I'm another one!

I have been like it since a teenager. Dunno why.

I go into shock at the size of portions and think they are enormous. I think my mother used to get mad with us if we wasted food so I think I have to eat it all when my appetite is really pretty small.

I also have to sit at the end of the table (so I know I can escape).

I panic before going out too.

I have found myself improving if we go out for an informal meal e.g to the park cafe for a chip buttie ( I am so classy).

And if I have to go out with friends I like the Tapas option cos' then everyone picks at dishes like a buffet and if I can't eat then it's not so noticable.

I also have been honest with OH about it and that has helped me lots cos' I used to really get worked up about it. His attitude is - eat if you can, leave it if you can't but try to enjoy the company.

Once at my in-laws house I was struggling with the meal Mother-in-law had slaved over and my brother-in-law was mighty surprised to find me sticking my food on his plate when his mother's back was turned, I was so desparate to not make the mother-in-law hate me that this crazy option seemd the only way out. Bless him - he never said a word about it and now just helps himself to my plate even if I want to eat the food.

[Wenjoy]

Me 2 , me 2 - I had an overbearing mother as a child who forced me to sit at the table at home and in public restaurants and finish what was on my plate. In the last 25 years of marriage we occasionally eat out coz I get so worked up about feelingtrapped and not being able to eat all the food on my plate. My hubby says just eat what you can coz its ok to leave food but I kn0w my mother took that pleasure from me. I have forgiven her for it now but I hate feeling like that so just nibble a bit of food and dont worry if you leave some!
Wenjoy x