It all came to a head with exercise? (A lengthy anaysis, lol)

[Gryphoenix]

I've never been the best exerciser. In fact getting PAs forced me to get off of my lazy butt and actually get fit. I've been doing great as of late with walking and swimming but I haven't done anything really quite strenous. I've been slowly working myself up to the stronger stuff. After a recent workout (a bit of time in the cross trainer) and some abdominal exercise on the bench I kinda freaked out over my heart beating fast and raced upstairs, and just barely staved off what could have been a bad panic.

I've been really good about this lately and hadn't had a scare this bad for months and months. My biggest fear is my heart and my heart racing but I've mostly gotten over this. I did notice that I was uncesarily paying extra attention to it while exercising (I usually don't and ignore it, which helps) also that I've had a couple ectopics while exercising and even though I told myself I wasn't worried about it, once my heart rate revved up with adrenaline I freaked out and my old fear of having a scary big womping ectopic (that I've had a total of one time, mind you) kicked in. I was a little bit stressed at the time I was exercising and had just finished an exciting video game about an hour earlier in which it got my heart pumping fast with excitement and sort of unconciously got me monitoring my heart (and thus, the unecesary monitoring during exercise, and thus, the scare).

So anyway I was a little embarassed that I had been reduced to freaking out like I did in the old days (I've been on a plane recently without a lick of panic!) and I tried to analyze my feelings to figure out what went wrong.

1. I ran when I should have stayed.
What triggered the fear was when I decided to run upstairs. This told my subconcious that I couldn't take it anymore and with the upsurge in fear it really did make my heart beat faster and that scared me even further. What triggered me to run was the random thought--my heart isn't calming down yet, maybe I should go upstairs and let it calm down up there. So innocent, right? It somehow gave me the subconcious impression that my heart would like...never calm down again or something.

2. I succumbed to the fear instead of ignoring it. I let my heart racing scare me instead of assuring myself that nothing bad could come of it anyway even if it does. I hate, hate, hate the feeling of tachycardia even though I've done it before I still have this little niggling voice that says it spells DOOM.

Anyway this post is probably more to help spell out my thoughts on 'paper' than anything. I went to exercise today--not as hard as that day though, wanted to ease myself into it and not reinforce the fear in case I got scared again--and I managed it pretty well. Got a bit iffy going up the stairs (where I really got scared last time, stupid subconcious) but I ignored this and was fine.

So anyway it seems like I hit a wall with the strenous exercise bit and I hope that I am able to really and truly get fit enough to be able to handle it and really overcome that fear of my heart.

[Alisonj]

The best part is you are trying! It is wonderful that you are trying to get fit and are keeping at it. Try music. Blast your favorite tunes and completely get into the music which will help take your mind of your heart rate. Directing the energy and the mind is the key!
I wish you lots of luck and hope you keep us updated on your progress. I think it is wonderful that you have written out your thoughts and what you think you should have done etc. Keep at it! you WILL get there!

[Venus Calling]

I find writing things down reinforces it into my brain - that's how I used to revise when I was younger! I find the sense of failure when I give in to it upsetting especially when I know what it is.

As you've done so well up to now this blip on the horizon won't deter you I'm sure. I did read that strenuous exercise should be avoided and you should stick to easy to moderate stuff anything that gets the heart pumping too hard isn't good for a PA sufferer.