Forgive me, but I am not really too sure as to which forum to post this but being as it does cover Anxiety in general, here it is.
As a sufferer for about 40 years, I would say that now is the rock bottom! I have always had the little signs of an Anxiety 'victim' over the years such as the nausea, upset stomach, panicky what ifs, blotchy skin, etc etc. But now, for the past 6 months, I find I now have the lot all at once.
Some of you who know me, will be well aware that I live alone after my wife and stepson left me 8 years ago, something which I still can't believe or accept and move on from. Until recently she has been in contact with me on a regular basis such as calling or texting once a week. Now for some reason, she/they want nothing to do with me and the 'rejection' button has been pressed again. I have few friends, no family who keep in touch since my mothers death 6 years ago. Basically, my biggest fear of being alone has happened.
I cannot go out of an evening because of Agorophobia (although not severe, it is enough to inhibit a trip to the pub) incase I get ill. Every morning I awake with panic feelings and Hypochondria leading to having to take days of work because of upset stomach or nausea. My appetite is virtually non exsistent. My weight is down to about 9 stones (never been much anyway, but I was 10 1/2). I have to apply cortisone cream to areas of my face because it gets blotchy if I dont. My skin is very dry so I constantly need to apply moisturiser about 3 or 4 times a day. The other thing is I'm ashamed of my body. I have a sunken chest and is made to look worse by being skinny.
My point is, who would want me even if I could go out and meet someone? If I were an actor in a horror movie, I wouldn't need any make up! I am miserable most of the time because of my loneliness and loss.
I have so much love to give. I see beauty in all things. I adore children and animals. My phobias restrict me and keep me housebound.........a recluse in a world of pain and self torture. I find myself thinking........'have I done something wrong and i am now being punished'........I don't know.
I have faced the fact that I must be a 'freak of nature'.........hideous and unloved!
Thank you for reading. May God bless you.
Kevin.