Over Analyzing and Over Thinking in Relationship

[Bond]

Over Analyzing and over thinking.....


I have recently come to the realization that I have a problem. I was diagnosed with Anxiety and panic disorder about 3 years ago. Amazingly enough with minimal therapy and no meds I have managed to control the onset of panic attacks and anxiety. The self-help books and this website I owe most of the credit to.

However despite this great success I neglected to realize that the anxiety and panic can also manifest themselves in personal relationships. I never noticed this until recently. I battled anxiety disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder and mild case of OCD. The OCD was a problem because I started to develop phobias in response to the anxiety and panic attacks. The panic attacks would give me the “I feel like I’m going crazy” feeling. Once the attacks would subside I would remember the feelings associated with the episode and keep reliving the episode in my head in my attempt to understand it. So this in turn would result in thinking I was becoming psychotic. Which further fueled the anxiety and panic and the cycle continues, until I broke the chain of events which was very difficult to do. Once you understand what is happening the situation almost cures itself. Once you “realize” that the “FEAR” you are experiencing is an illusion the anxiety and panic literally disappear. Key word being "Realize" of course.

When I say “this has manifested itself in my relationships” it is based on my theory given the events I listed above. This over analyzing has always been there. It did not come after my anxiety and panic had vanished. It is just that they seemed to dominate the issues at the time and left this one on the back burner.

What I have noticed is that in all my past personal relationships there was a problem. Not with the girl, but with me. I never had a problem attracting girls, even the ones I had set out to have. I never looked at my self as particularly good-looking but I always considered myself at the very least, average. We would meet, I would make her laugh tell her stories about my life, my hopes, dreams and ambitions and we were off. The dating would always go well and before I knew it we were official. Here is where it starts. Once the TITLE was bestowed upon us, something in me would change. I never noticed at first until my last two relationships. I would over-analyze everything she said and did. I had a belief that at any moment, her feelings for me would go away. She would no longer love me; she would find some else more appealing. Every action and word she did would be spliced and dissected to PROVE my point, “she’s losing feelings for me.”

At this point “she” would start to notice and tell me about it. But to no avail, this would only add credence “see you are losing feelings for me, because you’re complaining etc.” My worry and my panic became a self fulfilling prophecy. Because I was so worried about her loosing feelings for me, I actually caused it to happen. Now I had proof, which furthered my over-analyzing and feeling that I was right.

Can anyone out there relate to this? I am currently with a great girl now and we’ve only been together for a few months but unfortunately it has started again. She has already begun to voice her concerns about my over analyzing and over thinking and said it is causing her to detach her self from me. She says im not the same guy I was when we started dating and that “I have changed on her” I don’t know if it’s too late, but as of this moment we are still together and it seems like Im starting to get a hold of it somewhat, but I dont know..

Anyone experience this before? Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Best,
B

[gtrgrl3369]

First of all, kudos on the anxiety and panic issues. I am a sufferer of OCD and have been for many years. It stems from control. I want it and cant have it. I could say I overanalize. I like to think of it as the "what ifs". I like to know whats going to happen to me every minute of every day and when I dont the what ifs start. I have learned that when you do this, you set yourself up for failure. We cant control or even predict what another human being is going to do. So why bother. If they tell you something and you trust them, you have to take it at face value. Relationships are hard enough work without putting the other person on edge with our insecurities. I guess what I am trying to tell you is that you have to have faith in people even when you dont know what their next move is. Believe in what she tells you. If she didnt want to be there she wouldnt. Take care.

[Bond]

Thanks for your response "gtrgrl3369"

I like to think of it as the "what ifs". I like to know whats going to happen to me every minute of every day and when I dont the what ifs start.

This rang a lil true to me I find myself doing this and think perhaps it could be true. But the "what ifs" almost seem like (in the mind of course) like they already happened. So I am experiencing the what ifs as reality. I jump to the conclusions and always always believe it has to do with her losing feelings for me. Its like I cant believe she loves me and actually wants to be with me..

Best,
B

[gtrgrl3369]

Why would you think someone wouldnt want you? You cant be that hideous. Just kidding. Take things for what they are honey. If she didnt love or want you she wouldnt be tere. You cant make people feel what they dont want you even with our special powers. Take it light and write me if you would like, there is nothing about OCD I havent seen or done. Take care.

[breakingoutthistime]

Over analysing behaviour is very common for me like being in an flat will analyse everything want answers from walls carpets thinking theres answers there but there isnt.
Its breaking that chain of analysing for me which is very hard.

[Snoopy1980]

Mine is the other way round.....I am constantly thinking "what if I sopt feeling anything towards my bf?"......"why am I attracted to other guys?" "does this mean I dont love my bf?" I go crazy with these thoughts......

[emms]

Hi B

I'm sufferin with what docs think is depression at the minute.

Well done you on battlin through your anxiety and PD, you've done great and it's fantastic to hear x

I have a similar problem but not with a boyfriend because I don't have one and have had more than enough bad experience I don't want one right now, but with my best friend. He's male, I'm female, and as ashamed as I am to admit this he's the only real friend I've ever had. I'm 22 now, and I can remember back to the end of Junior school and since then I've only ever had one friend at a time, never for very long, but never how I have the relationship with my my best friend now. I can count....including times without a friend but with a boyfriend...it's about 10 people

My best friend has seen me through the best and worst of the past year (we met about 4 years ago but only came close in the last year or so), and he knows more about me than anyone, even my sister or parents. BUT, I still question when he says he cares about me, that he's not going anywhere, that we'll be friends forever....I don't know why I'm questioning such a good thing it seems crazy but I can't stop and sometimes it near kills me...I see him pretty much everyday and on day's I don't see him it sometimes gets worse because I think he's going to ignore me and go gallavanting off with other friends laughing about me or flirting with them or doing things he doesn't with me.

I've told him I love him because I truly believe I do and the feelings I get confirm it. We both grew up very differently and even now we have different lives....I barely have anyone I can say I know and he is the only one I call my friend right now....he has a couple of handfuls of friends but hundreds of people he knows that he talks to online a lot like facebook and stuff. There have been numerous times where the bad feelings have taken over and I've forgotten completely about the happiness and freedom he gives me, and I've wanted to walk away and leave him....but he says if he didn't want to do it and be here with me he wouldn't....but i still even question that! it's bizarre...and I know it hurts him cos he's told me

It's one of those things I just don't know how to deal with, but I can enitrely get where you are coming from...you aren't alone on this for sure!

[PolytheneBoy]

i think i have experienced this to some degree. my problem was that when i got with somebody, i would then start to think i was starting to lose my feelings for the person, as if i was numb or something. i would definatley feel like being with the person was pointless. of course, i have only ever had experience of two month long relationships, and im probably the reason for that.i think my ocd is what caused me to not do so well in my relationships. my advice is to keep on trying - when you find the right person, it will most definatley feel different.

[sam101]

i have been with my boyfriend since i have been 15 i really only feel comfortabel when i am around him and him only ..but the thing is i have compleat control over him i call him every hour on the hour to check and see what he is doing who he is with. and i cant help it hes never done anything to make me not trust him never cheated on me or anything but i always work myself up to believe that hes out with another woman. ill work my self up so bad that ill start to freak out or breath funny so meny things go through my head. i think about is he lieing to me is he with another girl should i call him i probley call him about 20 to 30 times a day the only time that im not calling him is when hes with me i dont know what to do and its not that i only think hes cheating on me i worry that hes not okay maybe he got in a car accident or maybe he got shot i just dont know what to do i always think about the bad things in situations i wish i didnt but i work my self up so bad that i have about 6 panic attacks each week i want to stop worring about things so much

[Cakey]

Mine is the other way round.....I am constantly thinking "what if I sopt feeling anything towards my bf?"......"why am I attracted to other guys?" "does this mean I dont love my bf?" I go crazy with these thoughts......

I am going through the same stuff. I will sometimes convince myself that I don't love my partner and this sends me in a downward spiral and then I start acting different toward her! We've been together for five years. I hate feeling this way especially as I know I do love her. When I'm having a good day I go back to how I felt before all this happened and on a bad day it's a nightmare!!! Any top tips from anyone?