Over Analyzing and Over Thinking in Relationship

[goingmadder]

Hey everyone...

I've had all the symptoms everyone is expressing..

Its Nuts isn't it...

Fear of losing feelings for BF,
suddenly feeling numb leading to guilt and overcompensating
Fear of BF losing feeling for me
Fear he is cheating
Fear he wants to break up
Feeling like Im a liar in the relationship and leading him on
Feeling like an evil person
Symptoms have occured in every relationship for 11 years now
analysing every thought word action
Analysing ever relationship including my kids my parents my best friends collegues
Catastrophising - if hes 2 minutes late he's dead or dying somewhere

Whats worse is in the middle of a bout I feel like ROCD OCD GAD are not real they're just me making excuses for myself...

SUCKS BIG TIME...

Wish i could do a brain swap sometmes with a naieve stupid person who's never had so much as an after thought...

We fight on i guess... This time in this relationship i have decided even in the guilt days the analysing days the numb days i am not giving up and not letting him go! I will win this war and if the ROCD takes me down im taking it with me!

Hope you're all having a calmer day

X

[ilovetoast]

Up until last night our 13 year relationship was over, tears and everything...we're both shattered and tired from it all.

Amongst some of the normal things a couple go through I am FULLY aware that I over anylise things, or think I know the outcome of a situation before it's concluded and react to that, before it's happened.

I am constantly frustrated because an argument will happen, that I am so annoyed will happen - THAT I MAKE IT BLOODY HAPPEN in the bloody first place!

I get frustrated based on my prediction, or projection, of what I beleive my girlfriend to be thinking (which being negative and anxious alot of the time are obviously not good thoughts) ending in being funny with her for it, causing an argument thus fulfilling the prophecy and proving to me I was right in the first place!?

I am known as an over-analyzer and someone who thinks too much, even accused of actually thinking I know everything because I can be steadfast in my conclusions too.

I don't know whether this is coming across right, or I'm getting down the severity here...but I know what you are talking about, and it happens here. It didn't always happen, and it seems to be a mixture of growing anxiety, a long relationship with someone, and maybe just a lack of patience? I dunno?

But that's my next step...to stop thinking negative, pause, and think about things before I open my mouth or obsess.

[Justsarah29]

Dear B, I understand.. I've been engaged three, amost 4 times, to differnet men.. and I do worry much more than I should.. that his feelings will change, that I don't love him enough, that maybe he isn't the right one.. etc... bla bla bla.. you know the book.. but sometimes when I pray I get peace from the lord.. I guess at some point you just have to pick someone and just despite your fears, just work through it.. the man I'm with now.. Chris.. is very patient, was in a loveless marriage for 10 years, so he thinks I'm the most amazing woman, just because I do simple things for him.. encourage him, rub his shouldlers or get him a glass of milk etc.. simple things.. but I fear it's starting again.. I too would like to break this cycle of insanity.. and just get on with my life... I hope today is a good one for you.. write back!!
-Sarah

[lovely_1]

" Fear of losing feelings for BF,
suddenly feeling numb leading to guilt and overcompensating
Fear of BF losing feeling for me
Fear he is cheating
Fear he wants to break up
Feeling like Im a liar in the relationship and leading him on
Feeling like an evil person
Symptoms have occured in every relationship for 11 years now
analysing every thought word action
Analysing ever relationship including my kids my parents my best friends collegues
Catastrophising - if hes 2 minutes late he's dead or dying somewhere "

It's crazy how i get those similar thoughts and dwell on them to the point where I can't do anything throughout the day. Every relationship since 5 years ago I started over analyzing & have not found a way to completely stop. The last two guys I dated all ended up cheating on me because of the way I was acting. I stopped being who I am. I became this stressed unhappy person who thought everything was negative and it was going to end. I blamed my thoughts on the guys that I had been dating at the time. Saying to myself that this is happening for a reason to justify my crazy thoughts. The truth is that YOU can only let what thoughts can sit in your brain and what to through out. The bible even says that You are responsible for your own thoughts and the lord will help you with the rest. So to me that is a bell ringing. Here is a quote that might be helpful " YOU CAN'T CONTROL THE BIRDS THAT ARE FLYING OVER YOUR HEAD, BUT YOU CAN CONTROL THEM FROM BUILDING A NEST IN YOUR HEAD". ding ding ding!!! Very important concept! Look over it every time a bad thought tries to fly over, let it pass through without any overlooking, but DO NOT let it sit there till you over analyze it apart. The guy i'm with now I was scared to even get to know him because I was scared to go through the same thing of questioning every move. My past relationship I have lost weight just because I can't eat anything when i'm stressed out and will think when i'm trying to eat. I even developed a problem that I developed anxiety and fear of not eating all of my food around my past boyfriends. I scared myself to the point where my thoughts became reality. So it just proves that the power of what you think can effect you physically. So be careful what you store in your head. I am going to actually try in this relationship since this guy so far has proven majority of my negative thoughts wrong. He is pushing me to be stronger and he has done nothing but Good things so far. He is a blessing, so I am thankful. Even though I'm still having a hard time with my thoughts, I am more aware now. With prayer things become more calmer so that's one thing I will suggest. Things take time and I am a believer that with time if you really try to work on yourself things can change for the better and the results will be different from your past. Hope this Helps! & Good luck!

[LonelyLovingLaLa]

I totally feel you on the over analyzing. I met this guy in October of 09 and in December of the same year we became a couple. Things were great in the beginning. He was thoughtful and sweet and I was the same. Than 6 mos into it we began the roller coaster affect. It seems like I'm constantly thinking about, "ok he said this but does he really mean this" or does he really love me or is he just saying it. All kinds of things go thru my head. Is he really here for my child and I or is he just here until he gets on his feet and than skip out on us. I'm tired of not trusting people and always feeling like their out to get me and hurt me. We have been thru alot. I've kicked him out so many times and he still sticks around. I always think he's lying to me and he's just playing a game. He's great with my daughter and he is a great man. My problem is I just can't stop thinkin about the what ifs like someone else said. I just wanna be able to live a care free life and stop obsessing on him all the time. Hopefully my counseling will help with that. If you have any suggestions for me please I'm open. I wish for you the best as well. It seems like she is being very patient with you. Maybe some couples counseling could help her understand the disorder a lil more. I know a dr already told me one of my problems stemmed from childhood. So maybe just maybe something happened in your life that is causing this problem.

[Natalie x]

Hi there. Sorry to hear how you are feeling. I can relate to your situation to some extent. I have been with my boufriend for almost 3 years and can completely trust him. I went theough a stage of thinking "what if he thinks I'm crazy and doesn't want to be with me anymore" after all my anxiety and worries and intrusive thoughts started. I explained exactly what I was feeling to him and the way I thought and I am very lucky that he is very patient with me and can calm me down when things are getting out of control.

I totally over analyze everything and I mean everything! Conversations, social situations, work etc. Last weekend my boyfriend went to a girl who he is friendly with in work's house party. Even though I completely trust him and know that he would do nothing to jeapordise our relationship, I worried about something happening at this party as it was mostly guys that were going. I logged onto his facebook to check his pm, which got my mind racing with things and scenarios started coming together in my head - totally overthinking situations and analyzing things. I kept telling him how I felt and he said that if I keep it up and thinking he has done or would do something then I would end up pushing him away. This really hit home for me and realised that this is a man who I truly love and trust and don't want to lose so I need to stop it.

My overanalyzing has started recently with my friends and you will see from my previous posts that this has been the problem. Overanalyszing everything, thinking that they may fall out with me, what they must think of me etc. It is taking over my day to day life as my whole day is filled up with worries about something.

Have you explained to your girlfriend how you feel and that your thoughts are related to your anxiety? I think if you do this you will find she is completely understanding. Explain to her that what you have is great and that you don't want to lose her through your anxiety. Hope all goes well for you x

[RavenLight]

Hey, B. i think all of this is directly related to the anxiety and the anxiety is related to this. it's all part of the same thing. we've got this fear of losing control. we all experience it in different ways and it manifests itself in different physical ways. but, what it comes down to is that we're afraid of not being in control of something. the anxiety and panic come from fear of anxiety and panic. of that lost of control over our bodies, minds, and feelings. when we over-analyze, we're trying to stay in control. if we can figure out every angle of something, know every little thing someone else is thinking or feeling, then we can have some control.
i realized that i was always doing strategic planning with my emotions and thought and gestures. if i acted a certain way or said certain things at this time then he would love me and wouldn't leave me. all the while carefully watching what he said to me, how he said it, if he was looking at me, if he was looking away. and, we're not together anymore. definitely self fullfilled prophecy.
all of this stems from that fear that something will happen that we can't control. i'm pretty sure i know where this stems from for me. and i'm working on it. doing things simply because i want or because they need to be done. taking people at their word. if they prove me wrong, then they prove me wrong. i have no control over many things. but i have control over me. i know, we've all heard that many times before. i believe we have to continuously practice this. one day it will become just a part of us.
i think being honest with the people we're with can help. but someone also reminded me that when we tell people these kinds of things that can sometimes give us license to keep acting like that because, hey, they know i have anxiety and i get scared they're going to leave me. so, i also think we need to do this with awareness.
i don't know if this helped at all. i'm very tired and need to get to bed. but this rang true for me in so many ways and it's what i've been struggling with for quite some time. i am just beginning to find peace.
perhaps we should all take some deep breaths and do something spontaneous and out of the ordinary. that usually makes me feel better.

[LizardQueen]

Dear B,

I have the exact same problem and it drives me to distraction, constantly checking for proof that my boyfriend doesnt want me anymore or that someone else has taken his interest. I have just started CBT and citalopram to try and help me. If you ever need a shoulder, I can realte completely to your thoughts.

LQ