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Thread: How exactly do I install my communication software again?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
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    314

    How exactly do I install my communication software again?

    Daft I know but I literally do not have a clue what to do or say around people, Almost like that part of my mind that controls that side of things has been formatted, When out in a social situation my mind is blank, To use another analogy, Its like clicking on a shortcut on your desktop only to discover the software has been deleted, the computer searches but doesn't find anything and reports an error. I generally act like a shy child, you know they way you would of acted with your mum when out and about and you met someone new for the first time, you went all shy, thats the way I go. 28 going on 8, I kid you not.

    I was out recently in a shop, A work mate of my other halfs came over, she said, Hi How are you? Whats my wife doing today, It was 8am so I said she was in bed, she stood with a smile, you knew she was looking to make conversation but again my mind clicked on the shortcut to the communication software but the software was corrupt, we stood there with fake smiles in an uneasy silence until she said right see you later. Or at work for example people have come over and ask, "Hi, did you have a good weekend" "Yes" I reply and again same scenario, we just stand there in an uneasy silence, People only take so much of this type of behavior before they say "Stuff you" and never bother with you again, This has happened with all my work mates and family members, I also have no friends.

    Can anyone relate to this? Of how exactly do I install this software again so to speak? I wasn't always like this, only in the past 7 years, and if I look at what major event happened in this 7 year period the only thing I can find is meeting my other half.

  2. #2

    Re: How exactly do I install my communication software again?

    Try and see and remember what other people say in convosations like that. Unless it's a meaningfull convosation, that small-talk usually goes in quite predictible route.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
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    61

    Re: How exactly do I install my communication software again?

    Try asking questions about what you know others love to talk about.

    Rule of thumb: People like to talk about themselves.

    .

    And yes I can relate to what you are saying, but only with people I find nothing common between us. I don't really think its about Social Anxiety. Lots of people seem to run out of words with certain people.

    When I don't know what to say, I generally let others talk and I listen actively. They enjoy it and I do to.

    .

    Remember also, don't search for something interesting for a conversation. Just try to be interested in just any conversation you go through.

    Most topics are not really interesting by nature.
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  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
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    322

    Re: How exactly do I install my communication software again?

    Hi Sam,

    I know how this feels, even when I don't feel anxious, my mind goes blank even with people I know really well.
    Although I do find most people do like to talk about themselves! So normally I can nod in the right places or just say the odd thing and if I need to keep the conversation going I can just pick up on something that they have mentioned, It depends who it is as well I feel more comfortable with certain people and this makes it easier to talk to them.

    Small talk can help too, just to get you started.

    I think it takes practise and It can be really hard at first, the people you work with do you know what they like to do or what they are interested in?
    You may have some of the same interests as they have.

    I imagine the more you practise the easier it becomes, but I do know how hard it is. Anna

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
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    2,925

    Re: How exactly do I install my communication software again?

    hi hun

    i have the same problem

    i have found that practising this with a trusted friend helps loads

    i have a nmp mate whose given me loads of confidence in social chit chat

    in fact this morning i joined them and another of their friends for coffee and cake, unheard of 4 months ago.

    keep going

    milly xxxxxxxxxxxxx

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
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    388

    Re: How exactly do I install my communication software again?

    Try to elaborate on your replies. Instead of one-word replies, elaborate with a sentence or two, and then ask the other person a similar question.

    "Hi How are you? Whats your wife doing today,"
    "She's still in bed, I thought I'd surprise her so I just popped out to get a few bits at the shop to cook her a nice breakfast. Are you always up and out this early?"
    etc,etc.

    "Hi, did you have a good weekend?"
    "Yes, not bad, just chilled out and pottered around the house/garden, catching up on a few jobs. How about yourself, you been watching the Olympics/Football?"
    etc.etc.
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  7. #7
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
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    397

    Re: How exactly do I install my communication software again?

    Hi samtheman

    The way I see it is that the whole world is a stage and we are just actors in it. Some learn how to deliver their lines at and early age, but some like me have to learn how to do it later on in life. I guess socialising is a skill like everything else. But to some people it comes easy but others have to work at it.
    If I where you I'd practice and watch TV a lot. You can learn a lot from TV. How people compose themselves. How they use mannerisms when in conversation, and you can pick up the odd line or two. A lot of people learn't their skills by watching and mimicking their favourite actor/actress also.

    Tom

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
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    Re: How exactly do I install my communication software again?

    Maybe you could "prepare" a few rehearsed topics like the weather or the Olympics. I hate social conversation. I tend to say as little as possible or get sarcastic (fear) but I don't advocate that.
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  9. #9
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
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    2,925

    Re: How exactly do I install my communication software again?

    i try and make ppl laff and then get myself in a hole, which i dig bigger

    dead hard to be natural i know

    esp when u constantly worry what others think of u

    hugs

    mill xx

  10. #10
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    Mar 2008
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    Re: How exactly do I install my communication software again?

    Hi

    there have been some great suggestions to help you chat socially. If I'm stuck I always ask people what star sign they are its my bog standard response to I have nothing to say here. However, social silences are great too and I don't fear them. I'm quite honest I would probably talk about NMP and writing this post and the responses I've had to make conversation it's amazing how admitting whats wrong can help to relax you and people tend to take it on board and help you out.
    I also suggest , even if it feels artificial at first, that you role play social chit chat becuase the more you practice the easier it becomes.

    Pooh xx
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