Hi all,
After some great advise from the very helpful Meg, I started to try and change my mind set and my daily habits. Instead of dwelling on the thought of every swallow and whether I'm choking or not, I decided to start with some distractions. My first day being Monday, I started work on a little electronics project which ended up with me being totally submersed for about 3 hours in the same position. I was enjoying what I was doing but when I stood up, I felt really strange, my neck and shoulders had locked and I was dizzy and felt out of it. Before I could stop it I entered a panic attack (haven't had one for 5 months) which lasted for about half an hour. I laid down for about 2 hours after and felt relatively "ok" again. Undetered, I decided to try again yesterday by going for a ride to my sisters house to get out, I managed ok and decided to go for a quick shop in the big Tescos on the way back (at about 11pm). By the time I left there it was midnight and I'd handled it aided with my raspberry chewing gum and a bit of courage!
Today was my first visit to occupational health at work which I was dreading, I attended the appointment and told her everything, she totally understood and was very compassionate. We spoke about doing some theraputic hours at work when I felt up to it. After that I decided to go in and see my work collegues for a "flying visit" and ended up being in there for an hour and a half! Also, this time when entering the office, I didn't feel all strange and have the weird "tunnel vision" type thing that I'd had the last time I tried a visit.
I'm classing these 2 days as the start of my recovery and have reaslied it takes quite a bit more work than I've been giving it over the past few months. It IS tough and it does mean pushing your 'safe' boundaries to see what happens but I'm sure it'll pay off in the long run.
Here's looking positively...
Mark
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