worrying about what people think.

[The Fool]

day to day in my life wheather i am off or on chat i find myself completly obssessed with what others may think of me.and as i sit here talking to people listening to my music(turning it off when someone comes in the room) i find the question on my mind.why do i care?i am incapable of being myself or speaking my mind.i must always please and be polite.always hide my tastes and opinions.always agree.at one point in my life i changed my intier personality to "fit in" with my friends.i have many lessons to learn.i admire the ones who can speak there minds and wear/like what they want and be who they wish to be.if you are one of these people then i urge you to never change.

charli

[marie1974]

i can really relate to your thread charlie, and all my life i worried wot people thought of me and sometimjes it has got me into trouble and after i have thought oh dear wot an idiot why did i do that. but i have had counselling and mine stems from my parents being exactly the same. i am 34 now but i now only do wot i want to do and i am always myself and if people dont like me for that then tough.

always be yourself hun and let people see u for u, if they dont like it then its there problem, but u will find your friends in life who do like u and repsect u etc so please dont feel like you are always gonna be alone. i only have a few good mates and i wouldnt want anymore just a few that i can trust is enough for me.

hugs and smile matey xxx

[worriedGrace]

I totally understand your point of view. My whole life seems to revolve around what other people think of me. I tend to dress like the people I am with because I figure they must like that style, I lay in bed at night wondering'what they really meant' when they said something and constantly looking for slights and put downs. I censor what I say to try and keep round the right side of people and still seem to say the wrong thing.
For example, I was very pleased when a workmate asked if she could have a lift to a mutual friend's husband's funeral. However when I dropped her home she said she had first asked someone else who turned out not to be going so I was second choice! It sounds trivial but this is how I am.
A man I was attracted to who has led shall we say a colourful life once said to me,"I know what people say about me and I don't care." O to be like that.

[Ozzy]

My sa is pretty much based on what other ppl will think of me its the what if's or but they might.. i found when i went to cbt and they tryed explaning it to me that most ppl are to busy in there own life to even think anything bad about you there probley thinking about money problems or will the kids be good at school today or will the bus be on time ect ect, and i thought about it and thought it's kinda true... And some of it did make sense thinking from another person's shoes can help sometimes
take care
Ozzy

[worriedGrace]

One of the things that makes me worry about what people think about me is the way my friends and workmates gossip about people. It's true that they have other things in their lives to worry about but this doesn't stop them criticising other people. I am 60 and have had many jobs and known many people in my life and the vast majority with a few noble exceptions like nothing better than to run down their acquaintances. What worries me the most is that they are so nice to these people when they meet them so I don't really trust people who seem to like me.

[woofytalk]

You can never control what other people think. You can only control what YOU think.

Do the right thing in all that you do. Be honest, kind and loving. Know that you ARE a good person. Love yourself and that feeling will resonate with how others look at you.

When you laugh, the world laughs with you. When you cry, you cry alone.

[titchjd]

Hiya Teen .....Im the same and im 35 I wished I would have been who I was from an early age but i wasnt .. but I am becoming stronger now ...It is time for you 2 be who you are and have your own opinions and tastes ...Im the same sometimes in chat i get paranoid as what others think of me and how they see me .....Im like it at work ,with neighbours I always think bet they dont like me really .......I have been 2 soft over the years and done things 2 please others not realising I was neglecting myself and my own needs .

Dont worry what others think (I know its hard )....as you will have many friends through life and the 1s that are true friends will accept u as you are xx

Big hugs m8y xxx
Titch xx

[The Fool]

thanks yeh i sort of am.i dont no completly who i am yet but im comfortable in my own skin

[Lila]

Hi Teen,

You got to remember part of what you feel is normal teenage anxiety/angst trying to find your place/way in the world, of course this is made worse because of your social anxiety but you sound like you are trying/are coping pretty well considering you got a double whamy to contend with.

You may look around at the faces you come in contact with everyday and though those kids seem like they have it all together believe me they suffer the same doubt, ask the same questions and wonder who they are and why they are here same as you do. Of course having 'confidence' is a good mask so you may not notice and think they have it all sorted out in their heads.

Social anxiety really is a tough one and I can imagine trying to cope with that and the normal being a teenager thing is so difficult but hang in there.

Have you every tried therapy? Like CBT?

Lila