Return of the....

[relic]

... not the Jedi. Unfortunately.

Return of my panic attacks. I first had them as a teenager when I had them daily for over a year and a half. Now 10 years later they've come back to haunt me.

I'm going to uni as a mature student in a few weeks and at the beginning of this year, after years of having no severe panic attacks, I had a bad one while visiting a uni and sat in a lecture theatre. I was there for 40 minutes and it lasted the whole time. Thing is I thought I was feeling just fine before it happened. Well that was it... now they're a regular thing again.

I had to go to an applicant open day at the uni I chose - after walking around (freely) and looking around the campus, I had to go to a department talk which was being held in a lecture theatre. Well I walked up to the door, saw all the people in there and woosh.... I couldn't go in. I waited outside until the end and smaller groups were going into some of the tutors' rooms to discuss the course. So, VERY small room with 15 people in close proximity to each other. But knowing it's better to face the fear than run... I made myself go in. I couldn't tell you what the guy said because the whole time I was in there I was battling with myself and my anxiety... but at least I was there I guess.

The problem is, I'm now starting the course next month and all that is going through my head is... I'll be running out of my lectures! I think I can't stand feeling trapped, worrying what will happen, worrying I can't get up and leave because what will people think? What if I pass out? What if I'm sick in front of everyone?

I'm sorry if this is a rambling post with no real structure. I'm new here and it kinda helps to get it out... especially among people who will know what I'm talking about.


Ok, I'll shut up now.

[Nechtan]

I can relate to a lot of that. When i was in my late teens I was having panic attacks at college and didn't realise it. Incredibly it is only all this time later that I realise now that it was this that was happening to me. What you say sounds very familiar. Especially being trapped in class. That is the way I used to feel and the one thing that got me anxious.

Unfortunately though I cannot offer any advice but just wanted to say you are not alone in this experience. I really hope someone can help you out there.

All the best

Nechtan

[feels_like_home]

Hi,
My panic attacks started in university. I had a hard time going to lectures. I decided to speak with the Profs about it. Most were really understanding. I went as often as I could and if I felt sick I just left. I sat by the door at the back. I also took tests in a different room so I could concentrate. I made it through university and I know you will too. Take it one day at a time.
Take care,
Michelle

[freakedout]

Hi relic,

Oh you poor thing, I really relate to exactly what you have just said. I did a course a Uni back in 2000 and it freaked me out. I did make excuses and left the classroom many times to escape to the loo where I could panic in private! I always had to go back in though, and felt the same anxiety and panic until home time. I also avoided sitting in groups and drew more attention to myself by my odd behaviour but it is because I felt trapped in the close proximity of people and with the door shut etc..

I can also relate to you not knowing what was said because you become so preoccupied by your thoughts and feelings that you cannot take in what is actually going on around you. I was advised once by a CPN to try distracting myself, by counting and slowing my breathing down, which is all good and well but you still dont take things in if you have your mind on counting.

It is a real tough one, but at least you faced the panic and actually went into the smaller class which is good, you didnt run even though you may have felt like it.

It is always anxiety provoking beginning a new course, meeting new people etc.. and I am sure there will be several people who feel similar to you. Maybe you could speak to your tutor and explain some of your anxiety, sometimes it helps to know that someone there is aware and they may be able to support you with this. Also Uni's often have student counselling facilities (I think) although I am not suggesting that you need that!

Hopefully after the first couple of days you will feel more at ease, please try not to worry yourself too much in the mean time.

Take care, and good luck with the course, just keep posting here if it helps.

Freaky

[Veronica H]

Hi Relic
You have decided to shake your world up in a positive way and you are no doubt excited and anxious in equal measure at the moment. Your nerves are bound to be sensitised. what strategies did you use before during your attacks? I have found 'Self-help for your nerves' by Dr Claire Weekes invaluable - a quick easy read that brings understanding and comfort. Published by Thorsons ISBN 978-0-7225-3155-6. You can order it through NMP. Contemplating what might happen when you start your course is what is driving the fear now that you have had an attack in a lecture theatre. You will need to practice letting the first wave of fear do its worst without adding second fear(panic/anxiety/adrenalin) as it is the second fear that keeps your nerves sensitised. You need courage for this, but you obviously have it because you forced yourself to go back into the crowded room which is a start. You will not 'run out of the lecture theatre' you will excuse yourself quietly if need be and slip out. You must not tense yourself against a possible attack but accept it while your nerves repair themselves. It feels terrible but it can not harm you. As for people in the lecture hall, they will not notice you much as they are all absorbed in the lecture. Be prepared to miss some information while you settle in and be open with your lecturers about what is going on. It will get better.

Best wishes
Veronica H