Upset about something trivial!

[mothermac]

Hi guys,something happened yesterday that I feel upset about.Folk who have read any of my previous posts will know I lost my father at 11 yrs old,he had a heart attack whilst working abroad and I think some of my anxiety and associated panic is linked to this in some way.Anyway he bought my mum some jewellery over the yrs he worked in Saudi Arabia and most of it was 18 carat and very nice,she never wore it after his death and it has been sat in a box ever since.He died in 1978,30 yrs ago and I have been looking after it for her ever since,I never wore it either.With everything getting more and more expensive at the moment she mentioned a few weeks ago she wanted to sell it and I instantly felt very agaisn't the idea why I don't know,then yesterday she produced a leaflet from a company who buy gold for money and asked my husband to sell it for her,she said she didn't mind what she got for it only that it wasn't a few quid obviously.We went to this place and got £500 for it and this is where it gets crap,I had an instant panic episode and started crying when the guy was counting out the money,my husband looked at me strangely and said "don't worry it's only jewellery and it's been sat there doing nothing for yrs anyway",I know this but feel so sad inside and empty and the money doesn't make it better(my mum gave us half which was very nice of her).I don't know why I feel like this only that I feel as though all links with my father are disappearing and before long it will be like he was never here,My mum said my dad would have wanted us to get rid of it and glad we got some money to treat ourselves so why do I feel so empty inside,money is spent in a blink of an eye surely sentimental value is worth more.Sorry to go on about this only it really affected me and I don't feel glad about the money like I should.

[milly jones]

hunny i think ur reaction is totally normal

u miss ur dad and it was a tangible link to him

i dont think i could have sold it either

i have my grandmas engagement ring worth a bit and i never wear it and it lays in a box, but id never part with it.

ur mum appears to be able to move on, praps she has other special things that she uses to remember ur dad

i dont think ur reaction was trivial in any way

hugs

milly xx

[lesleya]

Hi mothermac
I understand how your feeling and i dont in any way think it was trivial how you felt.
I remember when my fiance died when i was 21 my mum made me sell mine and his engagement rings because she said it would make me dwell to much everytime i looked at it. But i felt so sick with guilt when she took them from me because i felt as though he would think i didnt care or that he thought id forget about him like he never existed.
But the thing is he could never disappear from my memory or from my heart while im alive. Just like your dad you'll always remember him and think of him whether youve got memento's or not because of who he was and how much you loved him he will always stay alive in your memories.
Dont punish yourself hun your mum has just decided its time for her to move on. She will always have her memories and thats something no one can ever take away.
Take care

[StevenB]

If its any help, I don't think your reaction is at all unusual or abnormal. I'd feel exactly the same - it's converting something if huge sentimental value to you, into cash, which, as you say, comes and goes.

Why not buy something with the money to help you remember your Dad in some way - don't blow it on general stuff. That way, you can maintain the link with his original gift. Just a thought.

With very best wishes

Steven

[milly jones]

what a lovely sensitive idea steven

[pinkpiglet]

yeah a fantastic idea, i agree! My nan died in Feb and we bought some lovely little plants and tree's to plant in our garden (she loved gardening) and also two little bunnies for my son. We figured it all meant new life and we can watch them all grow and enjoy them. IT HAS'NT HELPED THAT THE WASCALLING WABBITS HAVE EATEN MOST OF THE PLANTS BUT I'M SURE MY NAN WOULD FIND THIS QUITE AMUSING ANYWAY!!

I hope you find this useful and good luck

[Yvonne]

I think it was a very emotional thing to do - getting rid of that jewellery represented your father. Please don't beat yourself up about it because it was a natural reaction but whereas maybe other people could have held the tears in you couldn't. I think this is very significant with this anxiety lark because our emotions (correct me if I'm wrong) are so much more exaggerated and ready to release themselves to things that maybe we used to be stronger about.

I would try not to dwell on it now and the idea of buying something to remind you of your father is a good idea.

Yvonne

[Anxious_gal]

aw i'm sorry! my grandmother gave away my grandfathers old camera and i was so angry about that, my grandfather is dead so to me the camera was a link to him, the camera represented a part of my grandfather to me. i think the jewlary for you was the same. it's normal to feel a loss, maybe it all made you feel like you were losing your father all over again, its totally understandable.

[Hope 2]

Hi mothermac

This aint trivial at all. Some people are sentimental, me included. I know where you are coming from with this.

Your Mum made the decision to sell though, not you. I think Steven's idea is brill. Maybe you could see something new you may buy as a new gift from your Dad, something, like yr Mum said, he would have wanted to do xx

My Grandma gave us all a good bit of money when we each turned 21, I bought a ring with it as I wanted something to keep forever. I lost it soon after. I felt like sh*t, bt then realised my Grandma would have said 'typical' and smiled.

Take Care
Hope xx

[mothermac]

Thanks to all you lovely people for your replies.I am glad that you all think I didn't overreact to this as I was thinking that I had blew it out of proportion with my anxiety and everything.
Thanks to Steven for your great idea on buying something to remember him with,I am going to buy a fruit tree or a flowering tree to plant and then I can tell my daughter that it is grandads's tree in the garden,I already have an apple tree which has bore an apple already so another one will look nice.
I went out for the day yesterday to Newcastle shopping(it's only an hour and a half from where I live)but I only spent £20 of the money,I still feel a bit wierd about it but never mind I am sure I will feel better as time goes on.