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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    503

    Thumbs down What am i going to do with the rest of my life?

    Suffer from GAD/Depression/Panic - as alot of you already probably know!

    Have been feeling alot better recently, but anxiety is still very phasey and i know i am slipping into a bad phase at present. I thought i was better but i now realise im not - maybe this is as good as it gets?

    Whats really bothering me at the moment is that during the day time the children go to school, my partner goes to work and i am left alone and thats when the anxiety gets worse, me stuck with my own thoughts - problem is i cant see a way out of this! Im not working as it was all too much for me, ive been thinking about getting another job but i dont think i could handle it, my friends are all at work during the day so im alone. So what am i going to do with the rest of my life? I cant work, im alone during the day so the anxiety gets worse, i can see no hope at the moment. I have no confidence in myself and dont trust myself with myself - does anyone else understand that?

    Im just so confused at the moment, just had a panic attack and feel so alone and sad, sometimes i really believe i might get better but then i see how my life really is and i cant see how i will. To be busy during the day i need a job but i cant handle a job!!!!

    Does anyone else feel the same? How can i see that i am worthy? How can i see that the future can be bright when i cant even imagine ever leading what other people consider a normal life? So do i just sit here everyday searching the web for cures or walking round town waiting until the hours have passed and i have to pick the children up? How can i be happy in my own company?

    Im dreading monday and the week ahead knowing that after the weekend i'll be alone again and the anxiety will all start up again (thats if it doesnt ruin the weekend, which it feels like it might at the moment).

    Maybe this really is as good as it gets?

    Sorry for rambling...... but it helps

    Charlie (Popsy) x x x
    __________________
    Charlie xx


    ...baby steps everyday.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    388

    Re: What am i going to do with the rest of my life?

    Have you considered some sort of voluntary part-time work?

    Or doing a part-time course at the local college.
    __________________

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  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    2,925

    Re: What am i going to do with the rest of my life?

    hi hun

    well i know im going to say msn me but im never around when u need me lol

    kendo is right vol work is a really good start, what about in school hun?

    ur great with the kids and so empathetic

    uve been doing so well hunny and u will continue to

    remember im here to text, or even a phone call as i could just about cope with that now i think, hugs

    not much help pops and im sure others will have far better but im here hun

    take care mate

    mills xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxx

  4. #4

    Re: What am i going to do with the rest of my life?

    Hi,
    It sounds like you're living through your partner and your kids, and you really need to do/have something of your own. Often panic attacks are our bodies way of telling us something in our lives is out of balance, and the anxiety won't go away until you address that. I think a part time job or a college course would be excellent, it would give you something else to focus on. You can start small; just a few hours work close to home, something without any pressure, once you get used to it you will build your confidence and maybe then move on to another job that's more interesting or more of a challenge. It sounds like you're bored too, and that gives your mind an opportunity to turn in on itself, although it seems scary now, and you think you won't cope, a job will bring you focus, interest, colleagues and new experiences, and all this is more likely to take your mind off the anxiety rather than make it worse. I think the key is in doing it in small manageable steps.
    Good luck!
    Nettles X

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    480

    Re: What am i going to do with the rest of my life?

    Hey Charlie

    I can relate to a lot of what you are going through right now. I have major issues with confidence and self-esteem, both of which are virtually non-exsistent. I feel totally worthless most of the time. (I have just started getting help for this). Anxiety was a big problem, but is now managable.

    I hope u don't think this is all about me me me, but I felt compelled to speak out as I sense your despair. I used to be very lost and had no sense of identity. Three months ago I thought 'what is worse, living like this for next however many years, or doing something about it'. Even though I was terrified hun, I got a part time job. I can honestly say, it was the best risk I ever took.

    There isn't a one cure fits all lol, but one day I was me with ocd, anx etc, the next I was in my new job wondering what the hell I had been soooooo scared of all this time. Obviously you have to be ready, but even though you say you are not, you might just surprise yourelf. I thought I would NEVER manage it, and would end up sectioned or something. But I couldn't have been more wrong.

    I still have problems, but they are getting better, slowly. I urge you to think about something that with give you PURPOSE for YOU. The benefits are priceless, having structure, focus etc might just be the answer for you too, and the anxiety etc seems to melt away, cos there aint no room for it anymore.


    Plz don't give up, take stock and find your way, you CAN do it.
    Bestest of Wishes and Care, remember us lot can be here for you,
    Julia xx
    Last edited by Hope 2; 06-09-08 at 01:24.
    __________________
    When it is dark enough, you can see the stars.
    -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    480

    Re: What am i going to do with the rest of my life?

    ps..... just to add, I used to dread the week ahead like you. Also felt scared in my own skin............still do, but gettin there xx
    __________________
    When it is dark enough, you can see the stars.
    -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    617

    Re: What am i going to do with the rest of my life?

    Charlie.

    Firstly, it sounds like your suffering from a Separation Anxiety and Insecurity. Your house is full of noise during the time when the kids and hubby are around and then suddenly...........it's all quiet, and then it hits you, the deafening silence. You feel alone, maybe scared, maybe vulnerable, you start thinking of things because there's no other people to take your mind off things. Next thing you know, these thoughts become irrational and you are suffering anxiety and panic.

    You start to worry because you know that every Monday morning it will start again. Next your confidence begins to flag and you end up dreading every weekday.

    I also have 'what do I do for the rest of my life' issues. Unfortunately, I am separated from my wife (thanks to my anxiety being the main cause) I have no children, very few friends and I don't like going out anymore because of my slight Agorophobia and I have no self esteem of confidence in myself. My opinion is...........who is going to want me the way I am? I have visions of growing old and remaining lonely for the rest of my life. My world is empty and I am unloved. I look at myself as someone who is pathetic, hideous, grotesque and weak.

    Of course, I'm not, but that is how I see myself, and that is what is important. As you said 'you don't trust yourself with yourself''

    Charlie, remember, you are NEVER alone, wether you are having a panic attack or not. All that is happening is you are having a panic attack WHILE you are alone.

    If you just sit and think 'what if' all the time, you will end up like me. Anxiety will chew you up, unfortunately, it doesn't spit you out, it just keeps chewing and chewing.

    Get mad at your anxiety. Shout and swear at it when it gets you. Tear up a cardboard box if it helps, but never let it get to you.

    Your children depend on you, and so does your husband (us men are useless without women). You are loved more than you know it.

    So what are you going to do with the rest of your life now Charlie???

    Your going to offer love, compassion and understanding for your family and those who need it.

    Your going to be there for when your family needs you (and they will).

    Your going to be thankfull that although you suffer anxiety, you can see, feel, touch, speak, laugh, cry, walk, smell the rain, feel the warmth of the sun, hear your kids laugh when the play, hear music etc etc.

    AND, most important of all, on Monday....YOUR GONNA GO OUT THERE AND KICK A**E!

    God Bless You.

    Take care.

    Kevin.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    , , United Kingdom.
    Posts
    1,375

    Re: What am i going to do with the rest of my life?

    Hi hun

    I could of written that post, im nearly in the same position as yourself except that im a single mum so feel very alone especially at nite

    I will chat to u later on msn

    love a xx

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    2,925

    Re: What am i going to do with the rest of my life?

    horse what another wonderful post

    i tried to add reputation but they said i had to spread it around first lol

    just wanted to tell u hun xx

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    503

    Re: What am i going to do with the rest of my life?

    ALL OF YOU THNAK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR REASSURANCE AND KIND WORDS!

    It really helps to know, im not the only one to feel like this and that others have been there and succeeded in new things.

    Horse, your post was amazing, you sound like an amazing person, someone like you should never be lonely, if there was more peope in the world like you the place would be much better one!

    Milly and Mandie, you both have always been amazing friends to me and your support and advice means so much ...

    Hope 2 - i will take your advise, knowing you have taken on parttime work and its worked really gives me hope....

    Nettles and Kendo - I think you are right, i think its really hard to live with anxiety and get the balance right, you dont want to take on too much so you de-stress your life completely, problem is then things start to get boring and our thoughts turn in on ourselves. The balance i need i havent got right, i am bored, i feel unproductive and this effects my self esteem. Thank you for you ideas that could help this x x x

    It all means so much, i love NMP!!!

    Huge Hugs
    C x x x
    __________________
    Charlie xx


    ...baby steps everyday.

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