This week

[alexis]

This is one week I really hate.
It is the anniversary of my dads death, I nursed my dad in his final months, yet still can only picture him on his bed in the front room, but I had a wonderful childhood with lots of lovely memories,Ive been told this will pass but its taking so long!
It would of been my parents wedding anniversary, its also the anniversary of my unwanted divorce, two years now, I miss my my ex, after 25 years who wouldnt,this year has added pressure as my daughter is going out of the country for a while, and as much as I want her to enjoy and she will, I dont like her being so far away, altho she lives an hour and half drive away, I know she is never far away,I was married with a child at her age, but I worry so much now.
Ive once again started to suffer from severe insomnia, but at least I go to bed and rest now, but Im so tired and I know I need to see a GP but I struggle to go to GPs, They are for sick people and Im not sick,,,
I am so positive in what Ive done, and Im not on any meds etc, and have recently started going out without my car and are gradually increasing it in daylight, walked to work and back three times last week!
But I just feel so horrid about this week!

[pinkpiglet]

Hi Alexis,
of course you feel so horrid about this week, it's quite normal that you feel this way. You lost a wonderful man from your life and you obviously have quite painful memories of his last months. You may never fully get over this but time will heal and every year you will get stronger. Your happy memories will start to resurface & you will remember the happy times above the bad. You also lost your long term partner (albeit under different circumstances) and you are finding it hard to let go. This is possibly partly why you are dreading your daughters time out of the country, you have suffered so much unwanted loss and now you fear the temporary loss of your daughter. The circumstances are different this time though, your daughter is going to do something that will make her happy, she is not leaving your life, she is going on an adventure. You will be able to keep in touch with her by telephone and e-mail and in time she will return. In the meantime you can enjoy boasting to people about your wonderful daughter and the things she is doing whilst away (i for one would love the odd update). If you are afraid of been lonely then join a local group or chat to us at NMP.

Try and hold on to the positive because you have lots to look forward to. Take care xxx

[Cathy V]

Alexis, im sorry this is such a sad week for you...sometimes life's a bitch I know, and i don't think i can say much to make it better but im sending a bit of luv and a hug and hope next week is a better one for you.

Chins up chuck xxxx

[alexis]

Hi and thanks to you two for taking time to reply, I guess sometimes I sound like a broken record??!!
Its now over 24 hours since I posted and tomorrow is almost here.The anniversary of my dads death. I feel physically sick at the thought of it and wish I didnt have to work, Im hoping after tomorrow I will be able to sleep a bit better, I thought Id recovered from insomnia.
My daughter wont be gone for long, prob only a week, and she doesnt even live at home, but comes home often and is never far away if I was to ever need her in an emergency, but I wouldnt.
I am lonely, even though I have lots of friends and keep busy all the time, it would be nice to have someone at home to talk about the day as I have had all my life when i get in from work,, someone there when I get up in the morning, someone to help sort out paper work, someone to tell me which utility company to use now Im on normal billing and paying stupid prices,,,etc etc.
I have a son, but we go our own ways,each knowing the other one is there if needed, and I think my poor dog is sick of listening to me!
i am sick of listening to me this last few days too!
Anyway just wanted to say thanks again, for taking time to reply.xxxx

[alexis]

O its tomorrow, or should I say today!!!

[Karen]

Thinking of you today Alexis

Karen xx

[keepemlaughing]

My very best wishes to you in this trying time. Be proud of your daughter. I have two that are addicted to drugs. I am raising their three daughters. Life could be worse!
Best wishes!

[keepemlaughing]

I don't know how that happened. Excuse the repeats.

[clickaway]

Alexis,

As has already been said, I think you will become stronger with this difficult time as each year passes. I suspect you already are, but often it is not until you look back that you realise.

It just makes it worse when it is linked to another painful event and this year your daughter being away too. And being alone and no meds - you are certainly braver and stronger that maybe you think!

I was glad to learn that you are now getting out a little more now - sometimes progress takes ages and you think you are never going to break out of the prison. Sounds like you have made an important breakthrough!

Take Care my fellow insomniac,

[honeybee3939]

Sending you some hugs Alexis hun and thinking of you.



Love

Andrea
xxxxxx