Hello, I am new here. I have anxiety, PTSD, and OCD. I am interested in feedback from anyone coping with a dysfunctional workplace that is a replay of growing up in a dysfunctional family. I seem to go from one dysfunctional workplace to the next. In each, despite a very excellent set of skills and a very professional demeanor, I always get cast as the outcast/pariah because I will not play along with the dysfunction.
In my current workplace "the game" is a co-worker who is abusive. She is leading a project and no matter how high I jump, it is not good enough for her (the boss treats her like a favored child so I have no relief there). I have been making myself sick with exhaustion trying to meet her (co-worker's) expectations but now it is clear that no matter what I do she will have a putdown.
There's more to it but that's the crux of it.
What is happening to me now is that every time I get an email from the co-worker or a phone call or an instant message (she works in another part of the country), My stomach knots up. I hate the way she treats me (like a slave) and I hate the game of "you'll never jump high enough for me."
Friends say the situation and her expectations are so unrealistic why let her bother you, just do your best and accept that you'll get nothing but criticism. It bothers me because I have so little self esteem.
What I want to do foremost is stop this PTSD reaction of clenching my stomach with every contact from her. I know that she is a callback to other abusers in my life and my body is wired to react as such.
What I also want to do is find a way to stop being emotionally affected by how I am treated in this workplace. Yes, I am looking for another job but it seems everywhere I work is just a variation on this dysfuncitonal there. I have to change me.
Any thoughts, ideas, feedback would be most welcome. I hate allowing my job to make me sick and it is.