Where do I begin, lol this may well be a long story so I hope you dont mind.
I developed Panic/anxiety 21yrs ago not long after the birth of my first Daughter Jo.
I have suffered from Social Anxiety for as long as I remember but I used to think I was just a procrastinator who "took the easy way out" and had no ambition etc. Then I was told I suffered social Anxiety which I then read about and saw "Myself" so clearly in the description.
I had very low self esteem when I started to have Acute Anxiety and a very stressful life I didn't cope well with stress and still dont lol.
Anyway I Had my first panic attack and the rest as they say is history.
I have struggled for many years, bringing up 3 children,
like so many here I lived with Anxiety "Daily" and managed just about to live a life - but not a forfilled life, not a life that brought me joy, I called it a half life "waiting" until the day I could be normal again (whatever Normal is)
I have been Agoraphobic now for 6 years which followed a nervous breakdown....but I am putting my life back togehter piece, by piece.
Arming ourselves with Knowledge and "Straight talking" has helped me so very much to find a way out of this darkness....there is light at the end of the tunnel - each of us is on a journey and we need to keep taking those baby steps everyday, towards freedom...What I have learned along the way is the answers the "Cure" we all yearn for "LIES WITHIN US".
I say to myself if I can do this surely I can help others, I feel a real need and urgency to share what I have learned - this is why I decided to write a book - there isn't a "Cure" for Anxiety - how can there be it is a human response that is necessary for our survival in a moment of very real threat and we can never get rid of it, like we cant get rid of the colour of Our eyes -(unless we wear coloured contacts lol)
I believe that with support, acceptance and love we can reach a point of" coping with" and surviving Panic.
I am not claiming to have all the answers but I do know for a fact that Panic doesn't have to be "ALL" of us, we are more than just Panic... we can arm ourselve with positive talking and change our way of thinking - but it takes practise and hard work to change this habitual way of thinking - and we will have setbacks and feel dissapointed - but when we do have setbacks we can remember how far we have come..so setbacks are good.
I remember my cry for help in the midst of Panic was "Please make this go away" then one day I realsied for myself it wont go away - you have to learn with courage and determination to Embrace it and work through it.
What do we fear in that moment of Panic? we fear the fear itself...we fear "feeling" we fear the sensations,the irrational thoughts,we recall the syptoms of a Heart attack, a brain tumour, a stroke and all the countless other very "Real" threats, we believe in that moment of sheer terror is happening to us.
But Panic as we all know is a Master of disgiuse....it can present itself as "REAL" ....."I felt like I was going to die" this is a very real thought and a very frightening thought to us all.
The worst thing for me when I was in Panic (I haven't had a panic attack for three yrs now)was the fear of being exposed...I had very real shame about this disorder and told no one about it, I avoided people who I knew wouldn't understand and I isolated myself for a long time, when I became Agoraphobic I felt relieved that I could finally say to someone "I have Agoraphobia" it was like I finally had something concrete to explain my, what some people called, "Strange behaviour".
I was also in an unhappy marrige which ended Last year - I have never looked back and when this happened I knew I was on the road to recovery because the one person in my life who should have been there for me was indeed a hindrenece and a negative influence in my life.
I have found Knoweledge and insight on another message board which I Have been a member of now for 2 yrs - Some say these message boards have a negative affect and keep u
Reply With Quote
