Vicious circle

[Robolovsky]

Having read so much encouraging stuff on this site I have finally taken the big step and registered so that I can tell my own story.

So much of what I have read here relates to my own situation. It all started about 5 years ago when I would notice that, for no obvious reason I would sometimes begin to feel on edge and have palpitations while relaxing. Having been a panic attack sufferer for several years in the 80's and having largely overcome the symptoms with self-help guides, I could tell that these feelings were not what I had experienced before.

I started to obsess about my breathing and heartbeat and developed a behavioral pattern of tightening my muscles (back, stomach etc.) when these feelings occurred. Somehow by doing this I felt that I was preventing the feelings getting worse. Needless to say the feelings only increased with time.

Like many people here I found that when I was actively involved in something which would take my mind off my health, I would never experience the discomfort but as the years went by I noticed that I was beginning to monitor myself more and more which lead to attacks occurring more frequently.

I am now at a stage where it is becoming very difficult to function normally some of the time. I have days when there is very little disruption and days when it is there most of the day. It usually starts with a feeling in the stomach that all is not well. This in turn triggers the panic cycle, palpitations and the now automatic muscle tightening. The muscle tightening is sometimes so severe that I feel that I cannot move. I know that if I concentrate really hard I can make my muscles relax and am often able to do this, only to have them tighten up again shortly after.

I do not really have chest pain or in fact anything that I would call pain, the worst feelings come from the severe tightening of my stomach muscles which in turn makes me feel that I cannot breathe. I can of course breathe and again, with concentration, I do this.

I have a theory about the anxiety. Around about the time it all started my wife's father died suddenly of heart failure while driving home. Following that, over the next few months and years I heard instances of other people being fine one minute and dropping down the next. I think that subconsciously I began to obsess about this likelihood and unwittingly allowed the fear of this happening to me, to take a hold of my mind. Indeed the first ever symptoms I remember were actually of driving along and noticing that for some strange reason all my muscles were tensing up. This behaviour was and still is particularly prominent if there was/is someone else in the car who I was/am talking to.

The real problem is that I now appear to be in a vicious circle with no way of breaking out. I have only recently seen my GP for the first time about the problem. He ordered blood tests and an ECG. The blood showed no issues but my anxiety got the better of me and the ECG was inconclusive. I am now due to see a cardiologist in a couple of weeks time to rule out any issues there.

In the meantime I am becoming desperate to live a normal life again. I love life, indeed it is undoubtedly my fear of dying that is the ultimate problem here. I am somewhat loath to resort to medication but fear that in the short term it may be the only answer. Worryingly, a couple of glasses of red wine is currently about the only thing that calms the symptoms ad obviously I cannot resort to that at every occurrence.

This site has been a great comfort and if there is anyone out there who has any further advice or reassurances I would love to hear them.

[titch]

hey..welcome to nmp...come into chat sometime...things will look up..xxxx

[RosieXXX]

Hello Robolovsky,

Welcome to the site - I am sure you will find it helpful, and it is so reassuring to know there are other people who suffer in the same way, and have a real understanding of how we can feel.

I have suffered from Health Anxiety for many years, and it does seem like a vicious circle, which is so hard to break. I think our suffering stems from all sorts of different reasons, and we are left with this awful condition; sometimes understanding why we may be afflicted helps us to make sense of it all, and we can then employ some coping mechanisms which we can relate to. I have tried CBT which helped me to understand my thought processes - your doctor may recommend this, and i do think it is useful.

I am now in my fifties, and I have become a little more able to cope with the anxiety. although there are times when it is a real struggle. I have become more philosophical about life - I have wasted so much of my life worrying about the what ifs, and in reality we don't know what the future holds.

There certainly isn't any easy solution to anxiety. I do hope once you have seen the cardiologist and there aren't any problems for you to be concerned about, which I am sure there won't be - as you know anxiety does all sorts of awful things to us - you will be able to receive support from your doctor to ease the anxiety. All the best Rosie

[robertz]

hi,
so many people in here know what your going through. this is the right place for you to be your gonna be fine!