will this ever go away??

[leanne1980]

hi everyone

my life is so crap!! i have a wonderful husband, 2 kids and that side of its great but im falling to bits, i cant imagine the rest of my life feeling like this, yes i have good patches and they have been ok but always every single thing i do is tinged with sadness and anxiety, i hate it so much, i hate myself! why do i worry about everything, im gonna put myself in2 an early grave at this rate, im 27 and i actually think every day i have cancer or im gonna die in my 40's, its making me so unhappy, i saw a pychic once and he said he could see me with health problems in my 40's now im convinced im gonna die, i cant even go to the dr's when i need to incase he wants to do my blood pressure, it sounds daft i know but its true, for some reason i actually have a phobia of blood pressure machines.

i want to be normal so much, its not fair on me or my kids anymore, i want to be happy, do u think it'll ever go??

all this has started from my arm aching, its been a few days now and its making me feel really panicky.

as i write this im sobbing, i think its the 1st time ive actually realised that i want to change, ive had councilling before and it helped but i really want to be rid of this awful feeling.

my baby is 7 months and not sleeping well, im tired and im also having my period all things contributing i think.

sorry for the mumble

Leanne xx

[Anna78]

Hi Leanne

It does get better its a slow process but it does get easier. my mum died in jan this yr she was only 54. I was exactly the same as you. I was convinced that i had cancer or i was going to get it. The las thing my mum said to me was that she thought she was haveing a panic attack. So when i had my first panic attack i thought that was it i was going to meet my maker. I have started takeing citalopram from the doctor which has helped loads, im no longer haveing full panic attacks and do feel alot better in myself. I also flt as if i was letting my girls down, they were my only reason for trying to get on with my life after my mum had gone.

Do you take any meds?

Please believe me when i say youre not on youre own if you ever feel like a chat PM me

Anna x

[leanne1980]

Hi Anna

so sorry to hear u lost your mum, i have also lost mine 8 years ago when i was 19, i think thats when it all really began, my mum was 41 felt ill with a headache then had a lie down and never woke up., the postmortum came back natural causes, she was a worrier like me, but at the time i didnt realise or appriciate how bad she was actually feeling, she'd sit crying and i'd be so matter of fact with her, if only id understood how bad she really felt, well i do now.

thanks so much for replying

Leanne xx

[Benjy83]

Hi Leanne

Again I was in the same boat. Adimant that I have cancer or I have a heart condition. My symptoms have been going on now for over a year. They have improved but are still there and I still continue to think the is something life threating with me. Drs have checked my heart and done several blood tests on me and everything came back ok.

Do you have any other physical symptoms or feel light headed as if your moving but your legs aren't?

Benjy

[Trixie]

Yes you are going to die, we are all going to die it might be today or tomorrow, next week, next year, in fifty years time none of us know.

But at this moment you are alive with a lovely family and you should be enjoying it. Life is too short to spend it worrying about dying, get out there and live life to the full, there are many people who would love to be in your shoes.

For those members of this board who think I am unsympathetic, I am not, my daughter suffers from psychiatric problems and hasn't left the house in nearly five years.

As for blood pressure monitors is it the machine or the reading you are scared of?

You want to get better and that is half the battle won now the second half starts and I am sure you are going to win that.

[leanne1980]

hi everyone

thanks for taking the time to reply, sometimes i have a funny 5 mins, i think i just cant handle any more shocks, i think the worst most of the time then when it happens its almost better coz i was expecting it, thats no life though is it?? im 27 have everything going for me, i know i should live for the day but sometimes in reality thats hard.

take care xx

[Missy69]

Hiya leanne,
I have the exact same phobia about blood pressure machines, or should i say i had. I dont know were it has come from. But what i do know that any doctor who knows you suffer from anxiety will know that your blood pressure will be through the roof, just by having it checked. I think its called white cell some or other. I once went to a private clinic to have a minor op, but they wouldnt do it because my blood pressure ws far to high, i stayed there for about an hour to see if would come down, but it didnt. They asked me to see my doctor so he could investigate, well i nearly passed out t the thought. So i got home, knew i wouldnt leave the house again, i was just to frightened. My husband went to boots and bought a blood pressure machine ! i said "are you crazy !" my heart was thumping at the sight of the machine. Anyway after going crazy at him, i decided to have a go, i started a chart, yes at first it was slightly high, but i knew it would be, so i sat there and checked it every 5 mins or so, and as i got use to it and less frightened of using it, i watch my blood pressure come down to a nice healthy number :-)
So now i do it daily, and im fine. I rang the doctor as i was advised to, he made a home visit for me, he was very nice, i said id been advised to have investigations done because i had high blood pressure. I showed him the chart i had kept over the past week, he said "you have not got high blood pressure at all, you are only classed of having high blood pressure if it doesnt come down in comfortable relaxed surroundings !" . So he then took my blood pressure, it was through theroof ! lol. He said he expected it to be, and there was absolutely nothing to worry about. Hope this has helped. I suppose the best thing to do to get rid ofyour fear is to buy one of these machines, it worked for me. And at the end of the day, if your blood pressure was high, then its so simple to fix, eg- diet, smoking, drinking or at the worst some medication, better to be treated eh !
Take care, let me know how you get on Sarah x