........rather messy

[vanilla]

hi...im new here
21yr old girl, from devon....just think im broken
i feel like i was running out of options and so went back online to find some kind of support network,, as i dont really have any
i always think i can do this on my own, i think i need to admit that i need some help..
i just decided to breakup with my boyfriend of 2 years, he was very unsupportive and didnt really do anything to help me
this was more of..the topping on the cake and i know i need to get healthy now
, my dad(my rock) died of cancer, my sister is back at uni and never see her, and me and my mother have a horridly abusive destrctive relationship and so iv decieded to do the scaryest thing , and move out alone to stop this circle going on and on and on.
iv had ongoing problems seems like all my life its been about 5 years now, anxiety,depression,pannic,eating disorder,berievment,sleeping problems..
i drink alot so i can go out(used to take drugs too but i knew it makes me worse,) everyone i know doeant know about this side of my life and im scared to tel poeple.....they all think im a crazy wild child
i dont even know
i just feel like im shutting down and im scared ...i feel very lost
i just wanted to find someone or something i could connect with as i dont know anyone who understands the lonelyness of such a disability that no one ever knows about, or considers to be a real problem.
i feel a little...exposed now but i know i should just say this
as im sure alot of you are in simular places
anyone that wants to talk,
hit me up
thanks
xx

[titch]

HEY HUN..WELCOME TO NMP... YOU WILL GET ALOT OF HELP ON HERE....PEOPLE ARE SO FRIENDLY AND NEARLY EVERYONE IS GOING THROUGH SIMILAR SITUATIONS...THING WILL LOOK UP...SORRY FOR YOUR LOSSES...POP INTO CHAT SOMETIME HUN...LOOK FORWARD TO SPEAKING TO YOU SOON FEEL FREE TO PM ME ANYTIME...TAKE CARE....XXX XXX

[vanilla]

hey thanks
im really not used to forums/internet blogging etc
so ill try get used to this haha
i think i have to wait 5 days before i can go into chat or something
but would be great to talk
thanks for reading ill write some more about it all some time, think i need a breather after putting the last stuff down,
im not used to talking about it
x

[lorac]

Hi Vanilla

Welcome to the site, I hope you find it as much help as I did. There are many people on here who will offer you some good advice and support.

Take care

Carol

[pooh]

Hi there and welome along to NMP

Pooh x

[leeg]

welcome to no more panic i have only been a member a short while but i love this site its so comforting to know you are not alone read the success storys they are such an inspiration pm me anytime u want to chatxx

[vanilla]

thanks yeh its nice to read that im not totally alone on this!!
really suppried how its changed my mood from waking up this morning feling totally alone...
i think
cos i avoid it, talking about,dealing with it, and no one knows im like this that im ust a crazy party outdoor girl......its hard to say anything and i dont actually want anyone to know i find it totally, embarresing and as if im a rubbish human , i dont understand why im like this
and im ready to try and sort this mess out

im also curious to find poeple that have eating disorders and/or poeple whos bodys digestive system and general eating etc have been affected as im aware they are related, its hard feeling sick in your head....then also in your body
xx

[leeg]

i have major problems eating everything sticks in my throat i sit down to a meal and have to disect it before it goes in my mouth so the end result is a plate of food thats cold and looks like the dogs had it i suffer terribly from nervous indigestion as well its just another anxiety symptom xx