Im so angry!!!!!!!!!!

[yorkylover]

Today Im feeling very anxious and very angry.
My brother has bipolar and is an alcoholic along with that he is Gay.

We have had to deal with problems with him from the age of 14 he is now in his late 30's.

6 months ago he wa given a lovely flat by the council after living in 1 terrible room.Myself and my partner helped him decorate it and its really homely.He has been off the drink for 5 months and been doing really really well and managing to save money.

Monday I get a call to say he has been arrested for being drunk and dissordly and he spent the night in a cell.Nothing new to him as he has done this many times in the past.

I spoke to him this morning on the phone and he has told, me now he has moved a man into his flat that he has been seeing,and he has a wife and two children.

Im just totally guttet,Im so full of anger today and stressed.My mum is gutted and my dad doesnt know yet!!!!!!!!!!!!

With his drinking and his bipolar he has blew over £300 in a night,he goes on these highs and blows loads of money,which I can say is benefit money as he is on incapacity benefit and dla.I dont agree he should be on any of these.

My story is to long,I would need a week to tell all,but we have time in prison,suicide attepts,one being very close,verbal abuse ,physical abuse,ect ect.
I just needed to rant friend's,get bits of my chest other wise I shall explode and that wouldn't be pretty

Thanks for being here,this is my little place where I can shut of from everything here.Thanks NMP.

[Mudskipper]

Sounds like you have a complex situation to deal with and it's entirely understandable that you should need to have a rant on here. Probably better for you than some of the things I do like kicking furniture

Not sure of anything I can say to improve matters but I hope things pick up for you soon.

[Tina A]

Following your reply to my post, have just read yours! Crikey, what an awful situation for you - it must feel like a kick in the face after all your efforts to help your brother. It is good that you can get away from the situation and calm down a bit - and hopefully your partner can give you some support and comfort?

Probably best to back away from the situation for a while until you can think about the whole thing calmly - but in your position I would feel used and betrayed, and very very hurt too.

Hope you can get yourself calmed down - pm me anytime if you want to rant some more!

Txx

[marie1974]

hiya hun and i am sorry as it seems you have been really good to him and helped him loads, but unfortunately with these things especailly drink as i know a few people and also in my family we have heavy drinkers and no matter how much we do to try and help, these people will not change until they are ready and unfortunately sometimes they dont.

all you can do is wot u have been and hope he sees for himself the damage he is doing to himself and others, he is prob using the drink etc to cover up stuff in his past that mayb haunted him or affected him in some way and he uses the drink to cover up his feelings etc.

i understand your anger and u must feel awful and worried but u have loved him and done your best and theres only so much u can do hun. hugs xx

[diane07]

Aww poor you and your family,

i like donna have had experience of this with close friends and shes right when she says only them can help themselves, you have done so much for him and i can totally understand your anger and frustration.

I go through the same thing now with my b/f's brother and it can be extremely difficult, i take over the role now and keep my b/f away from it as i know he is so fed up of all the years of being let down.

Hugs to you, and take some time for yourself.

best wishes

di xx

[Jaco45er]

Have you thought about the Jeremy Kyle show?

I am only joking yorky xxxx

My mother was an alcoholic for years when I was growing up. It got so bad they sent my sister to America and my dad buggered off abroad to work as he couldn't handle it (too handy with his fists when things went wrong) leaving me at 14 to live with her.

That was years ago, she is now a 66 (or is it 68? I can't remember) granma who is as normal as anyone else's granny.

What made her change? it wasn't my aunts coming down from Scotland and going home frustrated, or the guilt trips they would try when she was too drunk to get up and I had to go school and leave her (hence I am such a bloody fantastic cook ).

No, she made the change, one day, she went to the Docs' then AA, (fell off the wagon a couple of times when she was stressed/depressed) but in the end she made the decision to change, no one else.

So I guess what I am trying to say is, you can try everything you want, beat yourself up over it, but in the end let them make thier own way, and make thier own decisions, or they will drag you down with them.

I hope he sees the light (in a non religous way )

Good luck

Jaco

[samc100]

Oh he's a daft selfish one your brother...
But he knows the drink does this to him. So step away (guilt free) and let this new boyfriend pick up the messy pieces...

Hugs xxx

[keepemlaughing]

I am an alcoholic who has tapered down to maybe two beers a month. It took three stints in rehab, AA, a pyschiatrist and a supportive family. You cannot do anything to help your brother. He must do this alone. I went eight years without a drink and when I relapsed I continued to drink and have not been able to stop completely. But I do have a job, and I am raising grandkids, so being the alcholic I once was is out of the question. A beer or two a month seems to satisfy the craving. Also there is a pill called Antabuse that will make an alcoholic deathly sick if they drink while taking it. It has a high success rate. Perhaps you can check it out. good luck with your brother. I am sure he doesn't want to be what he is either.

[yorkylover]

Thanks for all the support,its so good to here people who understand.

My brother is on antabuse and has been for 5 months,he was doing really well on it then decided he wanted to go out and stopped it for a few days,so he was able to drink.

He does drink to get confidence,blank things out in his past that he will not tell us about.

And your all right only he can change!!!!!but its so frustrating and the damage it courses the family is a nightmare.

[kendo59]

You know that old saying from the bible, Genesis 4:9 ? Am I my brother's keeper?

Seriously, this is gonna sound harsh, but... by always being there to pick up the pieces after his disasters, you are enabling him to carry on doing what he does. He's not a child, he's an adult, responsible for his own actions. It may be difficult, but there is a time when the best thing to do, is simply to step away.

Tell him straight, that as much as you love him as a brother, he either sorts himself out, or you will not be around him. Tell him to see his GP for a course of antabuse, to get him off the booze. And then step away.

The more you pick up after him and comfort him, the more he will take you for granted.