I wont commit to anything in advance

[Marina]

Hi,

I have a big problem in that I wont commit myself to anything until a few hours before, if my friends arrange a night out in advance I wont let them know either way if Im going incase "Im ill" and if I do go out I have to be local enough so that I can get home if I need to (my safety zone), I wont go on any courses at work incase "Im ill" and I wont arrange any trips or holidays with my husband and children incase Im not well -if I arrange something in advance I get the worse panic ever, I feel sick, dizzy and think of all the excuses in the book as to the reasons I cant go-I don't tell people the truth because they'll think Im pathetic and they wont understand and I feel like Im ruining my life and feel awful guilt that my children are missing out.

Marina

[befuddled1]

I won't commit to anything in advance either. I think it is a way of trying to control the things I'm anxious about or controlling the anxiety. Right now I have something I could be doing in about 3 or 4 hours time and I still don't know if I'm going to go. I leave it as late as possible quite often, then end up in a rush which only causes a swift increase in anxiety - but it is over the short term rather than the long term. If I don't commit to it, I don't have to worry about it so much. It's a funny way of trying to control my world. I'm not sure that my anxieties are the same as yours but it seems like a similar thing. By not commiting to things I keep them at a distance, I keep the future and all the bad things that might happen in it just out of my reach. Also, it's true that I never really can be sure how I'm going to feel on the day. If I'm feeling anxious already because of something else, I'm less likely to want to do whatever-it-is and will give myself a break (and not do it) because of how I feel.

[jodie]

hi

i think a lot of people with and don't like to commit to things in advance due to us thinking what if we feel panicky etc
i am the same i hate even a holiday being booked coz i start to think what if i am ill what if i am panicky and so on.
i do feel better these days and would say it is best to try to book things in advance at times so you don't get in a rut with it ,i don't know about you but with me having anx i take the easy way out of things at times rather than facing it head on.

jodie x

[eternally optimistic]

Hi Marina

Thats just what I used to do when I got my worse, didnt even know I was. I really thought I had the flu or something else that meant I couldnt do stuff.

Medication Ive been on has helped me relax a bit more about this.

I even now look for excuses to get out of stuff, even things that that I enjoy - which is crazy.

Yesterday I had a yoga class, something I took up to help with anxiety etc and I just said to myself "YOU ARE GOING, NO TURNING BACK - NO QUESTION.

I really dont know why I do it really, its mad, but I try and challenge it in my head before I start opting out - Ive done that for years.

The weird thing is although I am sometimes shy with people I dont know, most people think Im quite sociable.

Hope it works out for you.

Try and ask yourself what could go wrong, and more often than not it will be nothing.

Good luck.

J

[susan c]

Hello,

I have been suffering with panic attacks for years but only recently started facing up to whats going on and can say I know exactly how you feel. I feel like my husband is losing out on life just because any time anything comes up I'm also "ill".

I have started trying to push myself a little bit. Sometimes this works, sometimes it doesn't.

Susan
x

[Marina]

Thanks for your replies and encouragement everyone , its a real hard one to get over, I just wish I could just be the old me again, happy to go anywhere and do anything without a second thought, I will try and force myself a bit more, sometimes I do but only if I know I can get home quickly and I'm with my closest friends who won't mind me letting them down at the last minute, most times I prefer to drive because my car is "safe", and I'm better if something is just sprang on me at the last minute.


Marina x