Strange/funny poems you've heard/read/written

[PaganGothicAngel]

I heard this poem first when I was about 9-10. I can't remember what it was called but I read it one of the poem books at school. Here it is:

'Back to back,
They faced eachother.
Drew their swords,
And shot eachother.'

When I was little it made me think and now it just makes me laugh. It's an impossible poem. I believe the picture was of two skeletons with swords or something.

Have you guys ever heard any funny or strange poems? Please share

[Cathy V]

Well, i think the one weve just heard from phil2 was rather erm...strange! glad yours was a bit cleaner PGA... but got none of my own yet...let you know if i think of any...xxx

[Divinely Desolate]

I saw this one and thought it was quite strange lol

Annie was an mountain bear;
Buelis was a goat;
Carlos was a Mexican boy;
Deidre was a dope.
Each of them lived on the hill
foraging in their way
gathering up the food they'd need to
hibernate winter away.
Idiots don't plan ahead,
just frolic in good times,
kicking up their silly heels,
laughing, telling rhymes.
'Mustn't work too hard,' she warned,
'Nothing's worth the toil.'
Obviously those words would be
Poor Deidre's downfall.
Quick did come the winter with
raging thunderstorms;
Snow did fall down metres thick;
Treacherously it swarmed.
Underneath the blizzards frost
very warm at best
were the three wise gatherers
xenial in their nest.
Yet outside in the blustery night that blew so bitterly
ZZZZedded off poor Deidre ... permanently.

[PaganGothicAngel]

That's a good poem you found. Reminds me of the ant and the grasshopper story. One prepares and saves and the other spends their time doing no work and wastes time. I like that one thanks for sharing.

[northwales]

i remember hearing that poem
on a dark
sunny night
two dead men
got up to fight
Back to back,
They faced eachother.
Drew their swords,
And shot eachother

[jill]

I have written this befor on the forums but could not find it. but thought it was funny,

The value of old age....

Remember, old folk are worth a fortune, with silver in their hair,
gold in their teeth, stones in their kidneys and gas in their stomachs.

I have become a little older since I spoke to you last and changes have
come into my life.

I am quite a frivolous old girl, I am seeing six gentalmen each day.

As soon as I wake up, Will Power helps me to get out of bed and then
I go to Lou.

Next, it's time for Mr Quaker to give me my oats.
They leave and Arthur Ritus shows up and stays for the rest of the day.

He does not stay in one place for very long, so he takes me from
joint to joint, after such a busy day I am ready for bed with Johnny Walker.

What a life, and oh yes, I'm flirting with Al Zymer

The Vicar came the other day and said " you should be thinking of
the hereafter".

I told him "Oh, I do, no matter where I am, in my lounge or upstairs,
in the kitchen or in the celler,

I ask myself " NOW what am I hereafter"?

Hope you like

LOVE JILLXXX

[PaganGothicAngel]

i remember hearing that poem
on a dark
sunny night
two dead men
got up to fight
Back to back,
They faced eachother.
Drew their swords,
And shot eachother

That's it lol I could never remember the start of that poem, thank you very much

Also good poem about old age as well

[PaganGothicAngel]

Found this one on the site, originally posted by eeyorelover back in '06. I think it's funny and true lol

Pollitically Correct 'Twas the Night Before Christmas.

'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves".
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.
And labor conditions at the north pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.

Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.

So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.
And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.

Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."

And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose
And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in over-due compensation.

So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,
Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.

And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.

Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.

Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific.



No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.

For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.

No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.

So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.

He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
you've got to be careful with that word today.
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.

Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;

Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere...even you.
So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...
"May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth."

[PaganGothicAngel]

Just found this one as well. Originally posted by Melxxx, it's called The Computer Swallowed Grandma Made me lol

The computer swallowed grandma.
Yes, honestly its true.
She pressed 'control' and 'enter'
And disappeared from view.

It devoured her completely! ,
The thought just makes me squirm.
She must have caught a virus
Or been eaten by a worm.

I've searched through the recycle bin
And files of every kind;
I've even used the Internet,
But nothing did I find.

In desperation, I asked Jeeves
My searches to refine.
The reply from him was negative,
Not a thing was found 'online.'

So, if inside your 'Inbox,'
My Grandma you should see,
Please 'Copy,''Scan' and 'Paste' her
And send her back to me!

[The Fool]

ive got one its from an old book of mine and it makes me laugh hystericly when i read it

its called bottoms

who called a bottom a bottom?
it is not at the bottam at all.
bottoms are not where our feet are
so bottoms are not what they are called

i'd call a bottom a middle
its not at the bottom or top
its just at the back of the front
the bit where our legs start to stop.

now feet,they are at the bottom
the bottom of you and me
but think of the problems we'd have
if bottoms were things wearing shoes

"scuse me,you stood on my bottom"
"i must rest my bottoms for a whle"
football would hardley be mentiond
as bottamball came into style

all day we'd stand on our bottoms
or sit on our middles at school
someone would stick a bottom out
and cause us to stumble and fall

but feet dont want to be bottoms
they think they are silly and thick
which is why when ever they meet
the foot gives the bottom a kick

lol