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Thread: Realised this is likely to be as good as it gets

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
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    424

    Realised this is likely to be as good as it gets

    I'm afraid this isn't directly about anxiety. Forgive me if I just want to get things off my chest, and I know there's not much people can say to reassure me so don't feel you have to respond.

    I have reached a watershed. 13 years ago I contracted a chronic oral fungal infection, and since then I've been avoiding thinking about the implications for relationships I might have. The issue didn't come up for a long time because I've not had a girlfriend. I'm shy, bald, and for long periods have been both incapably neurotic and, for a while, quite overweight, although I'm thinner now.

    Recently though I have been more proactive by doing Internet dating, and I finally have to confront the fact that I'm on a hiding to nothing. A couple of the women I met seemed to think I was OK, but now I have to accept that I'm really wasting my time because I can't kiss. I mentioned the infection to my counsellor and she said, "I can see why you feel trapped." Of course she couldn't really say anything else, but those words filled me with despair. I was finally confronted with my inevitable fate, which is never to find the companionship I yearn for.

    Last week, when pressed, my parents agreed that I was trapped.

    In a way I suppose it is a relief to reach this point.

    Most people - at least for reasonable periods in their lives - take companionship, physical affection and sex for granted. I was denied all that. I could live with that miserable existence if there was the hope it might change.

    Now I have to confront the fact that all that lies in front of me is the same joylessness that is all I've ever known.

    I am a good person. I didn't deserve this. I'm sorry, I know others have their problems, I'm not trying to say I'm worse off than some other people. Although ****ing hell, life really did deal me a ****ing load of lemons.

    Sorry.

    F
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    It will turn your heart black, you can trust.
    It'll take your God-filled soul
    And fill it with devils and dust.
    - Bruce Springsteen

  2. #2
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    Oct 2006
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    Re: Realised this is likely to be as good as it gets

    What on earth could you have contracted that would prevent you from ever kissing another human being? Herpes is not a fatal disease. I am sure it is not as serious as you sound.
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    Be the change you wish to see in the world.
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  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
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    Re: Realised this is likely to be as good as it gets

    I know it seems as if everything is going down hill but its not. Do you have thrush? Whatever infection you may have there are meds for everything that will prevent an outbreak. Dont look at it from the point that its hopeless, it rarely is. There has to be something that can help. Things will get better for you, I know it doesnt look like it now, but try and look at the things that are going right for you. If you need someone to chat with, write me. Take care and look for the pot of gold, its there.
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  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
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    Re: Realised this is likely to be as good as it gets

    I will elaborate. I have athlete's foot in my mouth. There is no medication for this.
    __________________
    Fear's a dangerous thing,
    It will turn your heart black, you can trust.
    It'll take your God-filled soul
    And fill it with devils and dust.
    - Bruce Springsteen

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    2,924

    Re: Realised this is likely to be as good as it gets

    francis hunny

    u will find someone who undertsands

    part of my condition is that i cannot have intimate contact with others, its like they will contaminate me, but u can get by.

    u will find someone who u trust enough to express these difficulties, and they wont run away

    please believe me, there are ppl out there who do undertsand

    if u need to pm hun im here and will willingly chat some more

    milly xxxx

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Posts
    674

    Re: Realised this is likely to be as good as it gets

    How about a support group of people that have the same problem? I realise that the infection you describe is perhaps rather uncommon, but there must be other people out there who have it. If you have it then someone else will. Some of them will be women. What's the name of your affliction? Have you ever googled for a support group? I'm sure you can't be alone in the world with this. If you can't find one, how about setting one up?

  7. #7
    Join Date
    May 2008
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    1,729

    Re: Realised this is likely to be as good as it gets

    Sorry francis, forgive my ignorance but just trying to understand and help a bit, if they can treat it on your feet why is it untreatable anywhere else? Surely theres something to treat it with?

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
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    424

    Re: Realised this is likely to be as good as it gets

    Cathy, I have it on my feet but it won't go away. The cream just keeps it in check.

    Thing about your mouth is it's full of moisture - the perfect place for fungus to grow.

    There seems to be no official diagnosis for this but I've come across a couple of forums on the Internet where people clearly have the same thing as I do - a white gummy substance on my gums and the inside of my cheeks, especially when I wake up in the morning, and a generaly "swampy" feeling in my mouth. It's not thrush.

    Thanks for the support but really I've given up. Everything in both my life and the world at large is falling apart and I can't find it in me to hope for anything any more.

    I have literally not had a happy year in all my adult life. Not one. None of the things that make life worthwhile for other people have happened to me.

    I've given up.
    __________________
    Fear's a dangerous thing,
    It will turn your heart black, you can trust.
    It'll take your God-filled soul
    And fill it with devils and dust.
    - Bruce Springsteen

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    372

    Re: Realised this is likely to be as good as it gets

    Franz, LeeBee made a good point that women will also have this affliction and maybe you should concentrate on chatting/meeting with these people.

    From your first post i also assumed it was herpes which is also incurable but people meet people with it and have fullfilling lives.

    To be honest i never knew it could be caught/start in the mouth but there is more to intimacy than kissing. Easy to say maybe but realistically, hugs and other things are equally important in a relationship.

    You need to meet someone open minded enough to accept you for you, those people do exist but are rare to find. Internet offers security and options, the rest is up to you,

    All the best,

    CONS
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    MY STORY: http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=42149

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
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    674

    Re: Realised this is likely to be as good as it gets

    If you really have given up, Franz, then what else can we say... except that I don't think that you really have. If you had completely given up trying then you wouldn't be writing on this forum. You are angry at what you perceive to be your bad luck and that shines through in your posts. You wouldn't be angry if you had given up and didn't care any more.

    Many people get dealt a bad hand in life for all sorts of reasons. Think about that. What about connecting with those people who suffer from the same thing as you? They are out there and they must have the same problems with intimacy as you. Don't you think that they might feel the way that you do? Perhaps you could help one another.

    What has your doctor or doctors said about it by the way? They must have some idea of what to call it.

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