Realised this is likely to be as good as it gets

[Franz]

The doctors all said they couldn't find anything. I should really have taken a photo of my mouth in the morning to prove to them that there's something up.

[claireypoo]

Hi there
Just wanted to post a quick reply as I know quite a bit about oral fungus! My daughter is profoundly and multiply disabled and as a result can't chew her food so she is fed it pureed. She can't swallow properly so sometimes it stays in her mouth and that's why she gets a lot of oral fungal infections. You say you have "athletes foot in your mouth" - this is almost certainly candida, more commonly known as oral thrush. Athletes foot is often caused by a combination of fungus (tinea pedis) and bacteria. Did you know that the treatment for athletes foot is the same for genital thrush! (clotrimiziole - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clotrimazole)

Anyway oral candida (or more commonly known as oral thrush) looks like a white furry thick coating on tongue inside of cheeks etc its extremely common and it's also very treatable (my daughter uses a medicine called Nystatin) For more stubborn cases there are also anti fungal antibiotics such as such as fluconazole and itraconazole) There are also natural remedies http://www.regenerativenutrition.com/content.asp?id=251.

You shouldn't let a fungus ruin your life!!! Try the natural remedies or go back to your doctors with a photo if that's what it takes! Personally I wouldn't mind kissing someone with oral thrush! It's really not that contagious orally person to person - everyone has a certain amount of candida in their guts after all it's only when there is an overgrowth that there's a problem!

If I was you I'd get some treatment either from your GP or try some natural remedies - don't give up -get back out there and get kissing!!!

As you also have athlete's foot it really sounds like this website may be of help to you - http://www.candida-society.org/ncs/whatiscandida.htm it has some great advice!

All the best Claireypoo

[gtrgrl3369]

There is a med that will work, it is called niostatin(spell?) It is a med that turns blue when put in your mouth and it eats the fungus away. It is the same med they give babies when milk doesnt release itself from their mouths. It works wonders. See if you can at least try it. There is nothing like having even a ray of hope to help. Take care.

[Franz]

Thanks for the replies. I bought some Wormwood today and I plan to see the doctor next week but really I'm fed up of the constant cycle of hope and disappointment to be honest.

As CONS said, there is more to a relationship than kissing and that's OK from my point of view as for me I think the most important thing is non-sexual physical affection. But for the other person it would be a big sacrifice.

I strongly suspect that my unwillingness to kiss is what led my last 2 Internet dates to get cold feet. From their body language I think both of them were expecting a kiss.

Just 2 or 3 years of reasonably good times before I died would have satisfied me. I don't really know what I do now. I'm still at work and I have to go back to my flat in this state of total despair and I don't know what I'm going to do when I get there.

Can't stand this loneliness. I think I'm a decent person, and I know that in a different life I could have had a happy partnership.

In a different life.

Sorry, no need to respond to this but I do appreciate the suggestions you've all made.

[Captain America]

hi franz. sorry you're so down at the moment. i know the story i'm going to tell may sound fake but it's not. and i don't know if it will help but hope it does.

i have two very good friends of mine who both contracted sexually transmitted diseases. considering i was as foolish as they are i consider myself luck to have not. but i digress.

neither of them has something curable (not aids fortunately), and both of them are in a position where they would have to have a very difficult conversation with a potential partner before engaging in any activity. one of them, so afraid of the rejection that might come from that conversation, opted to not date at all, because he said that the potential rejection would just be too much. the other opted to just be honest and tell the truth when the time came, and yes, there was an occasional negative response but he said he was surprised overall how understanding the girls were, and how they were willing to work out what needed to be done to keep from catching it.

it's 6 years later, and friend b was just telling friend about his new daughter, with his wife of two years. friend a is still single, and not dating anyone.

i guess what i'm saying is, you have nothing at all to lose by getting out there and being honest. if you get rejected because of it, you are no worse off than where you started. it's not easy i'm sure, but you seem to me to be more contained by your own fear of rejection vs. anything else. and this leaves you feeling trapped, which causes depression.

is that accurate? again i'm not dealing with what you're dealing with, but there are far worse diseases and far more difficult conversations that people have every day. you need to get over the fear, and get out there and start being honest. and don't be surprised when you find that more people are understanding than not!!!

[Franz]

Captain America,

Thanks for your response. You know, my plan was to do what your friend did and just be honest when the time came. I'm not so down on myself that I don't think I have things to offer people. I mean I could be with someone who had some kind of problem, if I liked them enough, because the heart of the thing is the relationship itself.

But what really made me despair was a conversation I had with my parents last week. My mum said that, since I've had tests done and supposedly nothing has been found, the best thing would be not to mention it and kiss people anyway. But I can't bring myself to do that. And so the last week I've been feeling utterly desolate since the advice I was getting was, "This is a relationship-killer, so either keep quiet about it, or [from my counsellor] give up entirely."

Anyway I'm feeling a little bit higher than rock bottom at the moment. I managed to go for a swim after work. What's difficult is sitting all day at work, bored, and not being able to get these miserable thoughts out of my head but not being able to just get up and doing something physical either.

Sorry for this self-obsessed crap. I am even more self-obsessed than usual at the moment.

Thanks again to everybody, you have all been very supportive.

[Captain America]

well i think you know you got some bad advice, from both your mum and your counselor. your mum i can understand, but the counselor? that's terrible!

you know it's not a relationship killer. it really isn't. relationship killers are like, 'i'm sorry but it turns out i'm really gay' (or straight, depending...). everything else is optional depending on how it's taken.

of course you can't just go around kissing people without saying anything. and it sounds from your other posts that you hadn't given up on dating either...until getting some bad advice that you probably took too much to heart.

the problem with advice is that a lot of the time it may be coming from a good place, but without the understanding needed to be helpful. some of mine can be included in that

i say trust your first instincts. don't give up. and yeah, boredom is my downfall as well. but i have health/exercise anxiety so i can't even work off this anxiety through activity.

i guess we all have our crosses to bear

[Cathy V]

Francis, youve also had some good advice on what it is and how to treat it, so maybe less of the negative and a bit more of the positive? Good luck with the doc and the medication thats been suggested. It is treatable and not incurable, so when its been treated then maybe your confidence will return tenfold.

Best wishes
cathy xxx

[keepemlaughing]

I would continue to seek a doctor's help. There has to be something. I have never heard of such a thing.

[kendo59]

I am sorry to hear you're having a rough time, but ya know, there is medical treatment for oral thrush, as others have said. You just need to insist your GP prescribe something (unless there are over-the-counter meds).

Reading further, I am appalled that your counsellor has told you to "just give up", and wonder whether such negative advice is doing more harm than good.

Only you can take the steps to make things better, and decide that life IS worth it, if you make just a bit of effort. Good luck.