:: Destined To Be Alone? ::

[CONS]

Im 30 now and havn't had a relationship since my panic attacks started in 2003/2005, (still unsure about this) ive had encounters and brief meetings that lasted a few weeks but im starting to worry that im going to be alone because of my condition.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

My credentials are simple:

Im un-employed for the forseeable future
Dropped out of university in the 2nd yr due to panic going haywire
All my friends live away from where im living
I have a 14 yr old daughter who lives with her mother
I live at home
Have no car
Can't catch a bus
Can't walk more than 400 metres without thinking im going to drop
My family drifts in and out in terms of understanding my condition
No money in my account and none in my pocket
Pride smashed to pieces

-------------------------------------------------------------------------


Let me back up before my panic disorder became a disorder. I was active in all senses of the word, to the point of cockiness and agression if anyone wanted cause me a problem. Fully into sports, loved driving (before i go tbanned) and travelling in general. Spent months abroad alone doing crappy jobs but enjoying the atmosphere regardless. Worked so many jobs i got bored bcuz i reached the maximum potential that the job had to offer and got bored. (or fell out with someone trying put one over on me or talk down to me for no reason)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------


Had a phone conversation with one of my friends the other day as she declared that she was destined to be alone.

I thought " tell me about it, cuz from where im sitting, you have no idea ".

Have to stop typing now as my heart has decided to remind me im ill.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

EDIT:

I am making efforts though such as:

Reduced my smoking to 12 a day from 20
Walking with my step-sis 2-3 times a week close to the house for 10 minute incriments
Starting group therapy in a few weeks
On the list for CBT from my psychologist (after failed psychology in another area)
Only drinking a maximum of 4 caffeine drinks a day (obviously not red-bull etc)
I do not drink alchohol at all these days

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I don't like nor want to be alone,

anyone else feel like this?

[titch]

HEY HUN!! you wont be on your own forever hun there is somene out there for everyone...good things come to those who wait and hun your waiting...your doing so well youve cut back on all the bad stuff...your going out with your step sis so you are trying hun these things just take time....chin up love...xxxx

[CONS]

Thanks for replying Titch you have a good heart hun,

i know your age also from last night in the chat room, im 30 hun, things look differently.

Dont mean come across like im talking down to you hun, just hurting at the moment and have been for a few years.

CONS X

[andie73]

Hi Cons

I was 29 when I met my now husband. And it if it happened to me it can to you too. Honestly I was a mess when we met. I could go anywhere without having a drink to relax me first. Didn't work, didn't have any friends, didn't care what happened to me, and now things are so different.

God knows what he saw in me, but he wanted to be with me. Now I have been working for 3 and a half years in the same job, haven't had a single day sick in 9 months, don't drink ( havent for 4 years), have friends, and got married and it was amazing. Didn't think I'd cope with the day, being a social thing and such a big thing to organise, but it was the best day of my life. Not even any nerves at all once I got to the venue, I just almost ran down the aisle.

Don't get me wrong, I still have pa's and am slowly learning to ride them out, and that I'm not gonna die from a panic attack!!!! You will get there Cons, don't despair. I had give up, that was 6 years ago. It's my 2nd wedding anniversary on Monday, and though things still go wrong( we lost a baby), this was well worth the wait. Believe me, it'll happen.

[CONS]

Thats great Andie ^

Really happy for you, just feel like life is passing me by and i need someone to care for again. Used to be i could handle anyones problems and in truth i miss the intimacy and feeling of being wanted.

Your post is great and i added to your reputation for making me feel a little better.

Obrigado,

CONS

[andie73]

Awe thanks Cons

I honestly didn't believe there was any point carrying on so I really get where you are coming from. I know people will give you all the platitudes....plenty fish in the sea etc, they did with me and it drove me mad!!! I really understand the despair you can feel.

I used to look around and everyone I saw seemed to be happy and with someone, apart from me. Now when I look back I see that the world isn't like that and even if a couple does look happy, it is rarely the whole story. Like me and my hubby, we are happy, but we have no children, it just isn't happening for us. So now every where I look I see happy families, women pushing prams etc.

I reallly wish you well for the future Cons and if you ever want to pm me please do so. You will always have someone to talk to on here, and whereas I understand it is not exactly what you are looking for (ie a relationship) it may help ease any lonliness you are feeling right now.

Take care and never give up hoping.

[Cathy V]

Hi Cons, ante todo...que es 'obrigado'? espanol para worker? or is it an english word that ive never heard of

Anyway, what i wanted to say is that im sorry you're feeling that life is passing you by. I know thats a serious feeling for you and im not about to make less of it, but im mum to a 35yr old man (yep im a really old girl now) and he suffered for quite some years with anxiety attacks, had to give up his job and couldnt even go to sign on in the end. Like you he had a full life, played footie, worked a few nights in his mates family pub and was the life and soul of the party as they say.

He was always popular at school and part of the in-crowd. One of his best mates throughout his formative years was a girl called Beverley Smith...aka the now famous R&B singer Beverly Knight, who with all of his other mates from school tried to get him out of his flat for his 30th birthday...no chance. The anx had descended like a fog and he wouldnt be moved. Dont know what happened to him...maybe one failed relationship too many, who knows, i dont think he knows why either really..it just happened.

I would take him to the docs when it was a quiet time and he'd sit in my car until he was called and i fetched him in. He couldnt face Wolves were we lived, but he could tolerate Bridgnorth which is a lovely little market town about 12 miles away, so id take him there and wed have a cuppa and a chat. I bought him some plants for his flat, something to look after (yep sounds mad but its what i did) He has always been good with art, and his time was spent developing this...his day turned backwards though and hed work all night and sleep all day, which played havoc with his system and made the anx worse.

One day, i took him to llandudno because its one of the quieter seaside towns and not too far to travel (I had my own anx issues but he came first at this time) and he fell in love with it, and felt it was somewhere he could live, quietly and without so much panic. he was right. Within 6 months he had moved there and he went from strength to strength. his fantasy art developed really well and he started to make some money out of it...appear in various mags etc, and developing storyboards for the film industry.

But he still couldnt go out and about too much. hed go to asda for his bits and pieces, then fled back to his little attic. He used the internet for everything, his work and social life, and through this he met Julie, who shared his passion for art. he had to tell her how bad his anx could be and how he had a comfort zone that he felt he couldnt step too far out of. She understood. They fell in love online really and spoke on the phone, and then she came to visit him, and from there it grew.

They now have a house together and his son was born in August this year, and was over there to welcome him. My son still has his problems and knows his limits anxiety wise, but he found a way to live with it, and to love with it.

Dont ever think your life is passing you by chuck, there is always a way forward. I met my present partner 2 years ago at age 53 (a holiday romance at my age eh? ) and now i live in germany with him. Every teapot has a lid...you'll find yours, promise.

Cathy xxx

[keepemlaughing]

Cons, I think we have chatted before. You sound like a cool guy. Don't worry I believe that outgoing chap will reappear as fast as he disappeared. The therapy should help. You are by no means destined to be alone. I am 50 and I still hold out hope for me!
Take care,
Sheryl

[CONS]

Ty Cathy V thats another great story although symptoms persist and shows the power of the struggle to get what you want with the limited tools we have at hand. You sound like a great support for him and that in itself is praiseworthy and a great sentiment.

Thanks for taking time to write such a long reply, i read it twice.

Sheryl yes i think we have talked before and at 50 i hold out hope for you also

Times like this the board comes through for me, if only for today. I will bookmark it and look back at this on my "much worse than bad days".

Thanks again,

Obrigado = thank you in Portugese (or i did a typo)

CONS

[freakedout]

Hi CONS,

Sorry you are feeling so bad, and lonely. I haven't got any words of inspiration like the others here but I hope one day things work out the way you want. Cathy what a lovely story about your son, I was really touched reading that.

Take care

Freaky