I want to end it all

[Kazza]

Hi everyone,


Just wanted to say how good it is to be in the company of those who understand what I am feeling and experiencing. It is so wonderful to be understood by you all. I made it through another night and hope I can get through tonight ok too.
Much love to you all

Kazza xx

[Karen]

Hi Kazza

You can get through it even though I know how hard it is at times.

Just take things slowly and get through an hour at a time when you are feeling really low. Try not to worry about tomorrow or the next day, just concentrate on the here and now.

You can make it.


Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

[flinty90]

Hi kazza,
You know there is even a upside to feeling like you want to end it all. This is the fact that your not afraid of death. unilke most people on this forum who are afraid of death and feeling ill thus giving them most of there anxiety in the first place. you are different and have no fear of death and feel like you can get no worse on the illness side of things..
Now i see that as a advantage as even the little steps of feeling better are massive leaps to someone at the absolute bottom of there tether. People might not agree with me on this but i think its totally true what im saying anxiety is caused by something you are frightened by or that worries you. you havent got these feelings obviously or you wouldnt be at the point of ending it all. You really must be a very strong person inside and all you need to try and do is take back control of your life. think of where you have come from ,and i would say its impossible not to move forward. Life is so short to sit there not enjoying it, you may aswell give it the best bash you can. at the end of the day what is the worst that can happen (you cant feel any worse) so try going to the other side of the spectrum and start feeling great again

Hope you find your strength to say sod it to all the badness and lift yourself above it. dont climb out of that dark pit jump out of it

Lots of love and best wishes

Flinty !!

[clickaway]

Hi Kazza,

I have just been reading through this thread and have been admiring some of the replies!

I do not have expereince of 'severe' depression, so cannot feel the anguish you are going through.

But the fact that you have just started a course of CBT is a positive sign - you have taken action to try make yourself better so that tells me you actually want to continue and one day start to enjoy some of the things that life can give you.

Many of us here go through a fair amount of pain and suffering and certainly have times when our world goes a very dark grey. But then we realise the odd chink of light, and its these brighter moments we must try and focus on.

I am touched that your son also comforts you. I think he will always be there for you.

The tougher the journey, the greater the success...

Ray



Don't wait around for other people to be happy for you. Any happiness you get you've got to make yourself.--Alice Walker

[LisaD]

Hi Kazza,

You mentioned in your first post that you had been feelign much better before this bout came on. I know how much of a let-down it is when you have a relapse...but hold on to the good times. You were there, and you will get there again!!! Particularly with the help of this forum and the CBT, things can only start to look up!!!

xxxLisa

[kate]

Hi Kazza,

I too have been through some terrible periods of depression over the years and have also felt that the only way out would be to end it all.

But, you will again have better days. The dark clouds will lift and you will slowly start to enjoy the odd hour, the odd day here and there. I know when you are so depressed it is impossible to think that things will ever improve, but they will. We are all here for you.

Love Kate x

[sal]

Hi Kazza

How are you getting on. You are not alone and we are all here to help you.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.

[Andrew Sinclair]

Hi Kazza,
I have sufferred clinical deppression for 5 years now, my dark times have been suicidal, but my happy times have been the best times of my life, all that i am trying to say is, these are ends of the spectrum, and unfortunately we have to go through them, there will be times when all goes along so smoothly for so long that you think you have recovered, but then Bang! down you go again, but look back if you can and remember the good times, even write a happy diary, it does help, the suicidal moments wo'nt linger as long.
Look at that the positive things you have done, such as going to see the doc, and going for CBT, you are so much stronger than you know.
It really is a hard fight, but its worth it, and everyone on here cares too.
Remmber that you must take time out every now and again, and treat yourself, this really works, and helps you to like yourself too, this is NOT selfish, this helps you to understand that you want to win this fight.
Hope happy times are just ahead, and i really do feel for you.
Andrew.S.

[chucklehound]

Hi Kazza, Depression is such a scary thing. I had it badly too but you can overcome it. If like you say you were getting better then just believe that you can and will again. It just sounds like you have had a llittle relapse (we all do). You are on the right site for support because every1 is really helpful.

c.jackson

[bluebottle]

Hi Kazza,

Firstly, your not unusual and a typical depression sufferer. Everyone thinks about suicide, even people who aren't depressed, at some time or another.

If you can try and get Dorothy Rowe's book "Depression: The Way Out of Your Prison".

http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/...195920-9032431

It is a great source of support and inspiration.

--
Blue
"Your truth is better for you than someone else's. Just get to know what it is, so you can finally own it, and speak it."