Can't stop crying.

[donna1967]

I am having a very difficult day. I am having one panic attack after another. I had someone totally stress me out today. Basically the person aired some of my very personal business to everyone I work with because she was mad at me. I worked it out with the people I work with but this person verbally attacked my mother, why I don't know. My mother and I both have panic disorder, OCD, and high blood pressure. Plus I have phobias of the sun, the night sky, and anything to do with outer space. I am constantly worrying and double checking the sky. I saw the sun about 45 minutes before sunset and totally freaked out. I called myself facing my fears by looking at pictures of the sun on the internet and ran across some picture of a star in a different galaxy and freaked. I am afraid of the end of the world. I don't want anything happening to my family and friends or anybody for that fact. I know I need to have more faith and trust in God. I don't miss church service. I am working on things by praying, reading my bible, taking a bible class, going to counseling with my pastor, taking my medications, staying away from people who are stressors, refraining from double checking information over and over again on the internet. I will read something over and over and it will comfort me for a moment and then later I start panicing and read it again. It takes up literally hours of my day and the stuff is stuff I can't control but God can, and I worry about anyway. I ready for the crazy farm. A couple months ago, my best friend stayed by my side one night praying and talking to me because I was ready to commit suicide to make the attacks stop. I started counseling with my pastor immediately after. He really understands and cares. His wife will talk to me in the middle night if I need her. I am really trying but right now I want to keep right on crying because I am tired of the panic attacks and anxiety, and of constantly being afraid. My pastor is busy the next few days with special services at church and visiting ministers. He has assistants who are very good with counseling also, I just hate bothering anyone. I going back to my crying now. Any replies would be welcomed. donna1967

[diane07]

Aww donna,

I don't really have any answers for you except you are probably talking to the right people if you have a fear of the end of the world. Have you spoken to your doctor about this, as maybe you need some sort of therapy and not just counselling.
Was there something that frightened you as a child do you think to make you so scared of the sky?

di xx

[donna1967]

Sixth grade teacher told us that when the planets lined up in 1979 or early 1980's, can't remember what year, that the world would come to an end. He really played with the students' minds. He has left deep scars on me. I take medication for my panic disorder and for my high blood pressure. The doctor monitors me closely. My pastor also keeps a close check on me. I have tried so-called professionals. The last one induced me into a panic attack because he had never seen a person have one before, and when I canceled my next appointment, he didn't call to check on me and I was suicidal then. My pastor is actually up-to-date on these things. He understands them and knows how to counsel for them. This is the man who along with his wife and other church members decided to help me overcome my fear of roller coasters by getting me on one with them. We have pictures of me with my eyes glued shut and praying while this thing did a nine story drop into water. It was an experience. My church family is also helping me deal with my phobias by standing my side outside and talking to me reassuring me that I will beat this stuff. Wish I could bring home with me to stay. I, also, know that I am having a hard struggling is always before I had friends who literally stayed up with me all night and I would sleep over at their house and they would see me through the manic episodes. These people are now suffering from alheimer's disease and are in assisted nursing home. One of the ladies only remembers me by knowing I am her father-in-law's (who has been dead quite a few years) best friend's granddaughter. She calls me sugar. This is hurting me deeply. The people who I depended on for years, now are depending on me. donna

[Veronica H]

We are here for you Donna. Afraid that we need firm anchors in our lives with this illness, and sadly by its nature, life takes them away from us and we are constantly having to readjust. You don't need this kind of harrassment at work though, can you talk to your boss about it?

Veronica

[donrobo]

My heart goes out to you.You are really going through a bad patch but a good thing is that you seem to have a good support network around you.

Keep putting your feelings down on this forum and we will try to help you as much as we can.

I really think that you need to go and see your dr again.

lots of hugs donna

[Venus Calling]

I remember about the planets lining up - I'm sure it was in 1977 (I could check as I am now an astrologer!!) - I heard it on TV a couple of years before it happened and 1977 sticks in my head for some reason - I would have been about 14 at the time and I was petrified for years! It might have been what made me get interested in astrology in the first place now I think about it.

Some teachers have a lot to answer for. My sister had one that told them horror stories in class and she suffered dreadfully because of it.

I hope you are feeling a bit better.

[reachersgal]

Dear Donna,

I just wanted to send a great big hug, you sound to me to be a really strong person and I am sure you will beat this.

x

[belle]

Hi there,

I can completely understand your fear of the End of the world. This is one of my greatest fears as i have posted on here before. There are SOOOO many stories on youtube that i came across about the world ending in 2012 and since i've seen that i have been "on edge", worrying.

My fear started all on my own when i was just 6 or 7 years old. I was lying in bed and just starting thinking what would happen if the world was no longer here, what would happen, even now, i can feel my heart racing!!!!

Thing is, no matter how much we worry, its out of our hands. Its good that you have a relationship with God. As a Christian you are supposed to hand over all your fears/worries/anxieties over to God and he'll deal with them for you. Put your faith in God Donna.

x

[Bebe]

I so agree with Belle, put your faith in God and he will help. I have recently acknowledged my faith and it has helped me. I just remember he is your friend when everyone else is busy.
Take care you have friends here.

[donna1967]

The person who attacked me at work is now no longer employed with the company. She also verbally attacked the boss and another staff member. I remember when the world was suppose in 1988 and especially 1999. This terrifies me. I know the bible says "no man knows the day nor the hour" this means the year also. I hate these doomsdayers who are always predicting the end. My mother has started avoiding stores with news stands because of the headlines on them. My OCD and panic disorder kicked in big time when I read Belle's reply. After research on the internet, that was suppose to happen in 2003 ( it didn't). There are so many holes in the prediction, but like Belle, going to worry about it. I need help big time. This stuff is really getting to me. Ready to start crying again.