Feeling Good Enough to Relapse

[never2late]

While I was reading an email, talking on the phone, and trying to eat today (all at the same time), I suddenly had this rare moment of insight, and realized that I could be back on the road to relapse w/my anxiety and panic.

How many of us managed to get ourselves to a good place, only to ruin it by trying to make up for lost time?

I work by myself in my own studio. I am a big fish in a very small, worldwide pond (meaning its a very small field that I work in, but I do rather well in it). I sometimes have to work from early morning into the night just to keep things going (doing work that I have; and also working to get more work for later).

Now that I've been feeling better for a few months, I've thrown myself back into the fast-paced, long-hours, "burn the candle at both ends" lifestyle that probably put me over the edge in the first place.

Has this ever happened to you?

Have you gotten yourself to a place of well-being again . . . only to lose it by going overboard because you felt good enough to be able to do it again?

It's like a catch-22.

[Oceanblue]

Hiya,

I do this all the time, I just never seem to learn. When feeling well, I just want to do everything ! I just can't help it.

I don't know if this is just me or part of my illness as I too have Bi-polar,.. who knows ? .

[Peru83]

I think this is very common, you just really want to get back to 'normal'. However I wouldn't go thinking that you 'are' going to relapse as you might not. Maybe just take it a little easier at work, cuz burning the candle at both ends isn't good for you anyhow.

I'm sure you'll be fine

[Mistie_In_Oz]

Yes, I do it all the time. It's like when you have the flu and your only option is bed rest to recover. But, as soon as you start to feel a slight improvement, you get up and clean and cook and over do things. Look at it like that. Doesn't mean your going to relapse though, just your aware of what your boundries are if that makes any sense.

[never2late]

I agree, and one secret to success is flexibility, i.e. being able to make small micro changes along the way in order to stay on track.

I've also started up on caffeine again, and I'm starting to notice those annoying extrasystolic heart beats a few times a day when stressed. Fortunately, they no longer scare me into a full-blown panic anymore when one (or more) takes place.

But it is time to re-evaluate things, and perhaps dial-in a more acceptable "speed of life" pace for awhile.

After coming back from a period of low-level background anxiety, with the thrown in panic attacks, I'm sure the nervous system is just freshly recovered (just as a muscle and bone) and needs just as much care.

[ElizabethJane]

I'm glad that you are feeling better and are recognising signs that you are doing too much. You are also stronger now but you must learn to pace yourself and to put in some leisure activities into your busy schedule. The nature of my illness is that I will always relapse. I have stopped thinking that if I do certain things that it wont happen as it always does. That is not to say I am pessimistic far from it. I have built my life up so carefully now I have fought hard for what I have my family and friends that I would not want to lose it. My job is important to me too but it doesn't mean that I might one day lose the lot. I try hard to fight those destructive urges! I wish you well with your recovery and your support systems. Try to take one day at a time.

[LoveMusic]

Yes, because I want to feel 'well' most of all, but I am scared to, it feels like I will jinx something or have a bad relapse.

[never2late]

Well, most of my inside nervousness and "jitters" has returned. Can't say I'm surprised.

I'm not getting upset with it, nor am I anxious about it.

It just is.

I guess this would be considered "coping". But that's really all we can ask for, all things considered, isn't it? Being able to cope with the sensitized nerves, and not let them throw us into fear and panic over them. Just let them be and get on with things.

Waking up at 3 or 4 a.m. again, just like the old days. But, once again, I wake up, recognize what has happened and, believe it or not, go back to sleep. I don't get scared or worked up over it. So that's another coping skill learned and put to good use.

It will pass again . . . probably (hopefully?) faster than before. And, if not, oh well . . . it will pass when it passes, I guess.

[never2late]

Update: after taking a few days to just "move at a normal pace" (as Dr. Weekes puts it), I'm back to feeling very good once again, and sleeping soundly through the entire night.

NOW . . . of course, the first thing I'm thinking of doing here this morning is jumping back into "high speed", which is so dangerous to us all here. I'm just a naturally fast-paced person, and have always loved living like that. It's a shame that it now takes so much out of me over time. I guess at age 52 that's just the way that it is.

Maybe a day here and there, with a "normal" day in-between.

But, regardless, I'm feeling back to my old self once again after this very brief glimpse of that old abyss that we all know so well.

I'm not going back there again (if I can help it, of course).

Did you know that Claire Weekes herself struggled with her own panic and anxiety right up until her time of death? I did not know, or picture, that.

[Cathy V]

No I never knew that about her...how did you discover it?