Amu - HA and all other kinds of anxiety and depression

[amu]

Hi,

I'm 27 and I've suffered from anxiety and depression since my father died four years ago.
The main issue is health anxiety, I usually have long-term fears lasting months rather than something new every year. I have had about 10-12 fears but I can group them together into "eras": end 2004-beginning 2005 was the brain tumour era, second half of 2005 was the skin cancer era, first half of 2006 was a break but second half was breast cancer era, 2007 was throat cancer, and 2008 has generally been filled with colon cancer worry.
I also have an underlying depression but I'm functioning as in working and raising a family but it's not going very well. I have never been on medication.
In addition I have had an unnatural fear of flying for a year, I'm also scared of motorways and I don't drive unless I have to.
I'm also terrified of failure and don't handle it well even if it's something little. I can't give presentations for a fear of making a mistake/a fool of myself and I generally can't speak to many people at the same time, or to strangers - I loathe ordering food in a restaurant and I generally avoid calling people I don't know - I try to do everything I can online.
My friends don't know anything as I am friendly and even outgoing/sociable with people I know. They and my colleagues think I'm a bit shy or I don't have enough confidence and keep telling me to go out there and do stuff confidently which just puts more stress on me as I don't really think it's a confidence issue, it is connected to my anxiety.
Love this site, it's great to try to help others and it gives me comfort listening to others' problems as it means I'm not as lonely as I feel in "real life".

Amu

[amu]

Almost forgot to mention - I had OCD as a child (11 years old) after my granddad died. Then I wasn't properly diagnosed and didn't know what was wrong with me and didn't let my parents get professional help (I still think they shouldn't have listened to me as it was pretty bad). After a year I stopped the routines, I continued to have obsessive thoughts but finally those faded too when I became a teenager.
So yeah, I'm pretty messed up.

[Cathy V]

Hi there amu. well i think youve just about covered everything everyone else on here has too...so you're definately in the right place!

I havent any experience with OCD but plenty of people on the forum do, and as for the health anx, you will find a whole load of help and information about most things (i suffer with a heart phobia, and have been waiting for the heart attack since i was 22..im 55 now )

See you soon
Cathy xxx

[amu]

thanks for your kindness Cathy - I can hardly remember how the OCD felt apart from bad but yeah, I have pretty much had everything - still haven't told mt GP about it though

[Cathy V]

You havent told your doc about any of it, anx or depression..nothing? how are you coping alone with this? well, besides finding us now I mean! amu, we'll help you all we can ok?, but maybe its time to just have a chat to the doc. You dont have to take any meds if you dont want to, theres plenty of alternatives, but maybe just put him/her in the picture.

As for the symptoms you describe, they are so much part of life for alot of people here. We are all in various stages of recovery (i only found nmp in may this year and it made a huge difference to my anxiety) So anything at all you want to ask about just go ahead and ask ok? xxx

[amu]

Thanks
My Mum made me talk to a private psychiatrist about two years ago, she diagnosed me with depression and said that everything else is because of that. She wanted to put me on medication, I didn't want to take the pills (I was still breastfeeding but that was just an excuse) so I stopped going. I moved to Glasgow two years ago and my GP is such a nice guy, I managed to "hide" my health anxiety from him so he took everything seriously (I didn't go too often just when I was sick with worry). The last time I went I mumbled something about feeling anxious but without telling him about my history so he said that unless I change my lifestlyle (stressful work, commuting, looking after my 4-year-old and my boyfriend at university), I will feel this way.

[Cathy V]

It makes sense though amu yes? I moved over here to germany last june, and within a couple of months i had high blood pressure, something id never had ever before. Ok im not so young, have been through menopause too, but never in my life had i had high bp. The docs here said it was leaving all i knew and living in a strange place where i cant speak the language (my bloke can speak good english but nobody else in the town can so its very isolating)

And if we are prone to stress, if stress makes us ill then any of life's changes can trigger it. And by 'eck youve certainly got your fair share...what you have to cope with would faze even people who dont suffer with depression! dont be too hard on yourelf...why do you find it so hard to tell your doctor about things...you feel ashamed of it? dont be, why? my son andy (now 36) suffered for 3 years with depression and it gradually took over his life. He lost his job and practically became a recluse.

But finally persuading him to talk to his doc, and with the right meds, he got on top of it. He'll always be prone to it returning, but he knows what to do if it does (Honestly, i would take this broken lad, who had once been the life and soul of the party and wasnt scared of anything, to the garden centre every weds morn for 3 years, coz it was out of town and never full of people on weds mornings so he felt safer. We'd have a bacon butty and he'd have a fag, in the days when you could smoke, and just talk and talk, and we'd have a walk around and with the help of the meds he eventually came back from the dark place he was in)

Don't be scared of your doc amu, and dont be scared of meds if you need them. Sometimes your body just needs to repair itself. xxx

[weeble40]

Hi and a big welcome to NMP its great to have you here, hope to see you in chat sometime,

Take care

Emma xxx

[amu]

Thank you guys. Went to the chatroom the other night and had fun

I guess I should talk to my doctor soon but I keep putting it off...

[milly jones]

wishing u a warm welcome to nmp

love from milly xxx