Keeping Friends!

[pips]

Hi all,

Sorry i feel a bit sad and stupid posting this. :([Duh!]but I know you guys are great and understand.[Yes!]

Im always looking for friends but somehow I can't keep hold of them i.e friends have used me in the past and left me. Penfriends stop writing etc.. The thing is I blame myself totally and take it all so personally. I wish i didn't as this really hinders my panic and anxiety.:([No]

I have just lost my dearest friend. She moved to Yorkshire last year and has only been in touch once. I have sent her a birthday prezzie phoned her text her wrote to her but she has never got back to me. It hurts me deeply and once again i take it to personally and blame myself.

I find it so difficult to meet friends esp my age 31 its like everyones got all there friends and thats it really.

I don't know sorry i just needed to rant as feeling a bit low at the mo.

Any advice on how to stop taking things to heart so much would be great!

I think maybe although not an excuse my Mum over protected me so much growing up and wrapped me in cotton wool like you wouldn't believe. I struggle now and any kind of rejection i get it always feels like my fault.[Sigh...]

Thanks for listening to me rant![Yeah!]

Take care all,

Love PIP'S XX

[bluebottle]

I can relate to your situation Pips but when we actually look at people we can see that they aren't as perfect as we paint them, and we aren't as worthless as we sometimes think we are.

My suggestion? Read some good self help books about rejection and life and stuff and learn about yourself and why you feel like you do. Your not alone, everyone hates rejection, there are just different degrees of that hate.

--
Blue
"Your truth is better for you than someone else's. Just get to know what it is, so you can finally own it, and speak it."

[Jayne]

Hi Pips.
Goodness, you've atually helped me without realising it! I thought I was the only one who felt like this.
Due to Agoraphobia, I don't have many friends (but am making some great ones here) and the ones I do have get very bored with me, because I can't go out with them. If I send text messages or emails and get no reply, I imediately think "oh, what did do to upset them".
I take things very personally and I hate confrontation of any kind to the point where I will apologise even if I know I am in the right!
Like you, I have been used by people in the past and I have suddenly realised they do it because they can!
People can be very sh*t faced at times and, although I have toughened up to what I used to be, I can still get very hurt.
Stuff the lot of 'em! [}]
Take care.
Love jayne x


J. Morris

[pips]

Thanks so much for your replies Blue and Jayne. You are both so right

Thanks Blue for your good advice. I will definately get some self help books. Perhaps I will understand myself better? and why i feel like this.

Thanks also Jayne Love the attitude you sound just like me to! sorry you suffer to hun your right I do need to toughen up. I try but then I end up crying duh can't win huh lol! Thanks for your advice though it has helped.

Take care,

Love PIP'S XX

[pips]

Thanks so much Lucy.

Yeah I so understand where you are coming from. Your post made lots of sense.

We will definately have to try & meet it would be good to have a good old goss! Feel free to text me or PM me whenever you got some spare time hun.

Take care,

Love PIP'S XX

[nomorepanic]

Hiya Pips

I am a bit of a loner sometimes and I only really have one "real" mate that I was at school with. We live close and I am god-parent to her little girl. We grew up together and we are very close.

Apart from her I don't have any other mates that live round here to be honest. I have friends - mainly male I have to add - and colleagues at work but not people that I would like to spend much time with.

I have more mates on here than in real life. That is not sad atall it is just life I guess.

We all move on and lose contact.

I am sorry that your friend has chosen not to contact you - a similar thing happened to me and Wendy - the mate I mention above. She went to South Africa and got married and we drifted apart. She sent me a postcard to tell me she was married - I never even knew that she was intending to!

Anyway, she came back to the UK, got divorced and we got very close again I wouldn't swap her for anyone but there was a period of about a year that we hardly talked or wrote to each other.

Don't take it personally - people sometimes move on and then come back and sometimes they don't.

I have met you Pips and you are a lovely warm person and are a special friend to me as well. We all have a connection on here that can't be broken and though we sometimes drift off we will always remember the special people on this forum.

Wow wasn't that soppy!!

Not sure it helped but I just wanted to reassure you.

Take care Pips.

xxx

Nicola

"Nearly all happiness comes into our lives through doors we don't even remember leaving open"

[pips]

Hi Nic mate,

Thanks so much for your lovely kind words. It helped loads! They really reassured me [Yeah!] (I tend to find with the anxiety I doubt myself so much at times) [Oops!] so that really helped and cheered me up thanks hun.
You are a special friend to and so fantastic for running this site.[Wow!] I can't thank you enough it has helped enormoulsy. [8D]

You are right we do all have a true connection on here which is magical! [)] Ah now I'm doing soppy seconds![:O]

Takes good care,

Love & Wishes

PIP'S XX XX

[Piglet]

Hi Pips

Having been on the site a little while now and read a lot of your posts you come over as a lovely person and much like most of us on here a sensitive one too.

Don't try to change that - its not a fault!

So much of what happens in friendships is just the ever turning wheel of life and only rarely to do with not actually liking each other.

At various stages in my life I've either had loads of mates or fewer mates depending on whether I'm working or having kids etc etc and although its so easy to take any rejections personally its a shame cos so often its nothing to do with us at all.

You've loads of mates on here and you are a very valuable contributor to the site, like Nic says I think there is a bond probably between us all - you may be short of mates locally but certainly not in general.

Love Piglet[8D][8D][8D]

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

[sal]

Hi Pips

Sorry you are feeling lonely. Dont forget even though we are miles apart you always have me.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.

[henri]

Hey Pips,
Whenever i get upset about losing a friend, my mum always tells me that we only ever need one or two proper friends in life - it's often hard to keep up links with more than that and changing circumstances sometimes make it impossible to keep up certain friendships. I still sometimes feel like i wish i had loads and loads of friends, but then actually i know in reality i wouldn't be able to keep up all those friendships.
You seem like a lovely, thoughtful, sensitive person - you should not punish yourself for friendships that have fallen by the wayside. If people stop writing or calling, then maybe they weren't worth bothering with in the first place.
You have lots of friends here who will offer you support night or day and who in turn appreciate the support that you have to offer... don't underestimate it!
take care,
henri x