Obsessive fear of losing loved ones

[yeppy]

Hi there i have read through alot of the posts on here and find it comforting to know i'm not alone in my anxiety. However i cant seemed to find much about the main subject that troubles me. I dont fear my own death but fear the death or illness of a loved one, especially my mum. Does anyone else have this? I am close to all my family and depend alot on my mum and the thought of losing them just eats me up inside. i get full on anxiety attacks at the thought of being told there's been an accident or a loved one has been told of a terminal disease. I have been diagnosed with OCD and battle hard to fight it. i've had cbt and came off the anti depressents about 3 months ago. But i cant see a way through this particular fear as i know its going to happen. Death and disease seems to happen all around me but not yet in my family which makes me think its bound to happen in my family next. Any advise or comfort would be great as its really upsetting me. Thanks all xxx

[ade]

hi
i really relate to your post.everyday i suffer acute seperation anxiety which can be traced back to my mother being diagnosed as terminally ill in 1972.
(shes now nearly 80!!!!!) when my beloved wife or children are out,and it gets dark,my stomach creases in pain with the thought that i will never see them again.i often worry that i will have to tell my girls that mummy is gone and how painful it would be.if my wife is late (which is a lot!) i can get very angry and scared,cry tears of relief as the car pulls in,then get really cross with her(margaret my beautiful wife).its irrational in some ways and not in others.i only found out mum was dying because they prayed for her soul in church,and even at 7 yrs old i knew that meant my mum was in trouble.
for years after,even as a punk rebel teenager,i wept at the idea that we could have lost mum,my only port in a huge storm and cryed myself to sleep each night.i had my childhood destroyed by sexual abuse,and i value my girls so much i could simply not bear to lose them,
i send you kindest wishes,and the understanding of your very real pain
ade x

[yeppy]

Thank you so much for this and sharing it Ade. I try so hard to stop this horrible anxiety getting the better of me but over the last few days its beaten me. I have been panicking about the thought of losing my mum so much it sort of feels real. I have been trying so hard to reason with myself and put a positive spin on all my negative thoughts but i am not getting through to myself!!! Do u have any coping tips at all? At the moment the horrible panic feeling is constant, which is bad enough in itself because i fear it so much. I'm just going round in circles!!!

[Mumto2]

I feel the same about my husband and my children, its totally irrational but something I have no control over, and it sends me into panic/anxiety, I try so hard to ignore the thoughts and feelings but its something I cant control. I havent been diagnosed with OCD but I do have depression/anxiety and I think when my anxiety is worse then my worry of losing someone gets worse, its just a vicious circle.

I have had CBT too but havent found that it has helped.

[redballoons]

I have an awful fear of my husband dying, every time i think of it it just makes me feel almost like it is inevitable in a way - i lost my mother young leaving my dad as a single parent and my husband lost his father as a baby leaving his mother as a single mother - so in my mind i have this thing that at least one of us wont make it to old age. Logically i know that most people DO make it to old age and that both my mother and his father had lifelong conditions that made them far far more likely to die young (which neither me nor my husband have) but i still am almost convinced of these stupid thoughts!

sophie

[Loogie]

Hi,
I am new to this forum and I am so surprised to read some of your quotes - its as if you are going through the same thing as me! Im a 28 year old mum with a loving partner and 2 little boys who I love to pieces, they are my whole world and I think of nothing else!

I feel as if for the first time in my life I now have something valuable, and I am so afraid to lose any of them, I almost cry at the thought of getting that phone call, or a terminal diagnosis. I know its morbid - ridiculous even, but I just cant shake it. I worry about sickness epidemics, murder, even war - anything that would put my families lives at risk or seperate me from them. I am otherwise a rational person, I consider myself to be intelligent, yet I cannot shake this anxiety. I am reluctant to take pills, but I am desperate to rid myself of these thoughts so I can enjoy my life.

The cold, dark months recentley havent helped, and there always seems to be some tragedy on the news. Why do I feel like this? Am I going mad?

[hi.im.alex]

Hi,

I have the same feelings too, particularly about my Dad & partner. Sometimes just looking at my Dad makes me cry, I seem to be really susceptible to these thoughts first thing in the morning & at night. Last week I went to bed early whilst my partner stayed downstairs on the computer. I was drifting off when it suddenly struck me that one day he might never be coming upstairs to bed, or I will go first & he will be lonely. I know its absolutely ridiculous to be worried about, & everyone goes through it, but I just cant seem to rationalise this area of thought. I also fluctuate between thinking that i can never have children because i'll be so paranoid about them, & feeling like I need to have children because if i dont I will have had a pointless life.

Its a sort of twisted comfort that there are so many others in the same boat!

[marie1974]

hiya i too suffer terrible anxiety at the thought of losing my hubby mainly cos he is the only person in my life that is there for me, understands me and also the only person i trust, if something happend to him i dont think i could cope, also 3 kids kids i worry about too.

lots of us feel the same and can help comfort each other hugs xxxx

[Lainie]

I can't believe I found a post on the -fear of losing loved ones- I have suffered from this since I was a child. I have always feared losing my parents. It sounds so childish, but I am a grown, married, independent adult! It comes and goes in severity, but when it's bad- ugh! I don't know what to do with this fear or the feelings that accompany it. I'm anxious, depressed, and frustrated with myself. I don't discuss this with friends because I'm too embarrassed. I can't believe I'm not alone with this!

[Wee-Mee]

Holy moly. I am like this. I am very very VERY dependable on my mum. I actually feel my eyes well up as I type this. I lie in bed at night and actually lose my breath at the thought that my mum could die in her lseep and that would be the end or other horrible things.

That;s when I get rather suicidal sometimes.. I sometimes think it woul dbe easier(cowardly maybe) to kill myself then wouldnt have the pain of losing either of my parents..but then I think that is selfish and they would bare the grief of losing their only daughter.

God I'm crying now. My mother is 60 19th of this month..not long..and my father is 67,I'm only 22...they had me late ron in life and I always remember thinking "why are they older?" as a child but I wouldnt change them for the world and as has been said before..it WILL happen but I just get so unbelievably nautious and ill and worked up at the fact that I will be all alone and not know how to cope..I really wont. I sometimes get quite bad ocd thoughts in that I have to do something or say something etc or else "something bad will happen to my mum or dad" and it's worse some days than others..I've gotten to the point sometimes I phsyically shake my head and tell myself to shut up out loud.I must look crazy.