Obsessive fear of losing loved ones

[alibali]

Hi everyone,
So glad ive found this post as I have this obsessive fear of losing my loved ones. My daughter who is 21yrs, my grandson who is 20months old. But mostly my mum who is 76yrs just now. I am 43yrs old & my dad passed away just a little over 2 yrs ago. I found that quite hard to come to terms with but at the time was more concerned how my mum would cope. My relationship with my mum has not always been so good, as I suppose the way most people do. Teenage stuff etc & quite a difficult home to live in. However we somehow came through all the teenage angst & many crisis' I put her through & now our relationship is so close & I am terrified (really) of losing her. Its like a physical pain & feeling of complete loss. Very hard to cope with. xx

[RosieXXX]

I have these anxious thoughts too - particularly about my husband. I think most people do have these thoughts - but probably anxiety sufferers tend to dwell on them more than most. I can't imagine life without my husband and have been feeling a lot more anxious about him lately since he had a heart scan which revealed one of his arterties is 60 per cent narrowed. It frightens me, but he has now lost weight (at long last) and is on medication, and leading a very healthy lifestyle, so I know he has taken positive steps, and there is nothing more to be done. Life is precious, and one day we will all have to cope with unbearable loss; somehow we will manage, but meantime I think we must continue to love with all our hearts, and enjoy each and every day in the best way we can, so we can look back with fond memories, without feeling we have lost time dwelling on fearful anticipation.

[sharp18]

I thank God I have found people who feel the same way I do!

My fear is of losing my son. My dad died of a massive heart attack when I was 19. I am now 42.

I was married for 6-1/2 years and my son and I have been on our own since 1997.

Like all of you, I get myself into a panic that something horrible is going to happen to him or I'll lose him. It's worst at night. I sometimes lie crying thinking about "what if." It's absolutely horrible.

I take Prozac, but it appears there is OCD there and maybe I need something more to overcome the negative thoughts. I am my own worst enemy.

Thank you all for sharing your thoughts. I'm not suffering alone.

[Marginalia]

It makes tears come to my eyes to read of all of you having these worries.

I've always been terrified of the idea of losing my mother, even though I haven't suffered bereavement of the type most of you have, so I have less reason to have such a strong fear.

Currently I am more afraid she will get dementia, which is something which happened to *her* mother. Exactly the same bottomless panic and horrible gut-churning fear as you describe.

Why do we do this to ourselves?

Is it because we love too much?

I do not know.

*hugs* For human comfort is so important.

Min.

[Lainie]

Yet again, my fears have escalated. I have feared losing my parents since I was a young child. This fear resulted in my OCD compulsions in that I had to do certain rituals so that nothing "bad" would happen to my parents. My parents had me late in life, and I have always been aware of the fact that my friends parents were much younger than mine. I am now 41 and obviously my parents are a lot older! Sometimes I look at them and want to cry. I envision what the day will be like when they are no longer here. I get anxious and depressed. I'm still shocked that other people suffer this same nightmare. I've been alone and ashamed about this for years.
Lainie

[Jethro]

I have this problem to a terrible degree. I don't know how, when or why it started but it's ruling my life. I can barely leave the house in case something happens while I am not there - I feel like I need to control everything, although most aspects of life are completely beyond my control and I know it. It makes no difference. I am so terrified that my mother or brother is going to die, go missing, commit suicide. Why do I feel this way? If they're late home I cry, I walk in circles, I become hysterical like a mad woman. If something goes a little wrong for them I freak out that it's going to drive them over the edge when in actual fact it's me who's falling, deeper into this insanity. I get so angry when they want to go out, I'm irritable and touchy, I am becoming a loathsome person, but I just can't stop. I'm so stuck and so lost for ways of dealing with this. My brother's meant to be coming home from a rehearsal now, only he's late and already I've convinced myself he's never coming back. I'll be 22 tomorrow. I feel like my life's over already.

[don28484]

it is a bit of a relief that there are a few people like me who are also suffering the way i am suffering. actually i was on the verge of thinking that i have gone mad or i am in the brink of craziness. i always have this soul stirring fear of loosing my parents. i always fear for that phone call or that message when such a bad news may come to me. i luv my parents and my siblings a lot and this fear of loosing them someday is killing me from within. i am not able to enjoy my lifeneither i am able to do anything constructive. besides it doesn't help as i am very far from them and get to see them hardly once or twice in a year. sometimes i feel like leaving everything behind and get back to them. i am the eldest son in the family and hence the responsibilities are a bit more. m unable to express my feelings infront of friends and others for the fear of embarrasment. i feel very weak from within and feel like crying. another problem that i have is the poor display of emotions. i am sort of an introvert and at times find it very difficult to open up infront of others. can any one helpppp????

[merooo]

hi...i have the same problem but with my boyfriend...we are like soul mates and we cant sleep unless we hear eachother voices. Every day before sleepin i get horrible thoughts about not able to hear his voice again..i feel iam going to die out of heart break and this leads me to asking god to take me b4 him...i do love him more than anyone could ever imagine..plz if u have any solution to this plz let me know..send me an email or even a msg on this website..because am really suffering and he began to notice that thank u

[nicola_r]

Hi everybody and thanks for sharing your fears with us! I have finally found people exactly the same as me! I was getting to the stage that I thought I was going mad and I didnt want to talk to anybody I know incase they laughed and me. My issue is my brother. Im in my early twenties and he is only 9. I love him with all my heart - hes just so cute and such a lovely caring child. I had him to stay with me last week which I think may have started these silly panic attacks but for the last few days, I just keep thinking something will happen to him and i dont know why!!!I have actually got myself believing that he wont grow to be old.I keep imagining him being ill or what it would be like without him and its brought me to tears every time. I was even hiding behind my computer today at work sobbing as I was thinking about his little face and how much I would miss him and how much I love him. Iv set myself off again just typing this! may people have died in my family over the years. my mums brother died when he was 10. i just want to get back to normal again where i could think about him but not in this horrible way! I really dont know what to do!!!help me please. i know im being silly but how can i make this stop.

[katylf]

its actually reassuring to read all your posts. i have 2 children and fear so much that i will lose my eldest, who is 2. i worry everyday and its getting worse. i literally cant get it out of my head and even put different situations of how she will die (im panicing just writing it incase it makes it come true). i was watching my favorite phsycic programme the other day and he said that women tht have lost a child often had a strong feeling about it before....OMG, imagine me now, im a complete mess!! totally convinced myself it will happen now. i cant concentrate at work and am getting chest pains and havin trouble getting my breath back, my arms go numb and floppy as well, sounds like panic attacks to me!! i lost my dad this boxing day to pneumonia, was very sudden and unexpected as he was only 60, think this hasnt helped. it has been happening way b4 tht tho. even as a child i wld panic my mum would die when she was out and if my fiance goes out i worry he has been beaten to death in a club and hav even gone to the extent of ringing hospitals to check he hasnt been rushed in...lol. im normal really but feel like im losing my mind!! HELP! dont think it helped tht my sister had a premeture baby tht died when i was pregnant with my eldest. lots of contributing factors to y i feel like this, hate feeling it and feel overwhelmed sometimes. sorry such a long post but had lots to say. had defo helped reading other ppls experiences. thanks x