Obsessive fear of losing loved ones

[alien2585]

Hi....... Everyone I used to have this feeling and I still sometimes do get scared wen any of my Family member's& Friends go out and dont come back in time or if I cant reach their cell phone ...... But dont Worry You'll Get over this Felling Eventually and If you dont you might just end up losin people important around you n U will be in a posistion tat wher u can't explain yourself.............I just lost someone very important to me .......

[MaddyIsWorried]

HI,
i just joined the sight because i REALLY need help with this, i almost dont want to type it because im so scared it will happen. im 20 years old and i have a CONSTANT and OVERWHELMING fear that i will loose someone i love. when i was little i was paranoid that i would loose my mum, my dad had cheated on my mum and she left the country with me and came to england from Spain, but i was very young and i have no memory of it and have never ever seen or heard form him since and as a child was never affected by it, but i had this overwhelming fear that while i was in school my mum would die. i used to cry at the gates and beg not to go, my attendance at school was very low and i used to be sent home for crying uncontrollably in class because i thort my mum was dead or when we went to church, if the hymns were sad or if the priest was talking about death, even the pictures of the stations of the cross would strike fear into the heart of me and i would get up and try to leave.

during highschool, the thoughts seemed to surpress but i still had these thoughts when talking about death, then my great grandma died who lived with us, it was hard but the hardest came when i was 13, my auntie, who was extremely close to us and my mum, died and left her husband and disabled child. my auntie was so full of life, then she got cancer and within six weeks was gone, and then her husband and child moves to america and we have not seen or heard from them since. it was terrible and the only funeral ive ever been to and her daughter, (who has cerebral palsy) was asking me where her mummy was and i had to say in heaven, and she kept asking me what was in the box? (meaning the coffin)

since then ive been plagued with death of animals like i was going to begin looking after a horse with prospect to buy him i used to ride him all the time and really loved, then i came by the stables on day and they had put him down. i was devastated.

also very recently my childhood dog died, having no brothers and sisters, she was my best friend, a german shepard, we got her when i was six and she lived till i was nearly 20 which is a long time for a dog. she was the one i would go and sit with when i felt sad, always there to cheer me up and was so full of life and happiness and seemed to understand every word i said and i no its silly coz shes a dog but she was my best friend and had such a character. we had to take her in the middle of the night to be put down and i had to hold her while the vet injected her. it was the most awful day of my life to see her spark of life drain and then have to hug her whe nshe was gone and then leave her on the table, after 14 years it felt like i was betraying her by having her killed and then leaving her there because we couldnt afford her ashes or a burial. no i dont know what became of her and cant bear to think about it but cant help it at the same time, this actually happened about a year ago but it feels like it was yesterday and i have thought about the moment she was put down at least every hour of the day for the past year. it is just something constantly in my mind, like a guilty led weight.

Now i am 20 and have a bf and im TORMENTED that he might die. I HAVE to see him every single day, the thought of not seeing him turns my stomach because i think while im away from him something terrible will happen, i can only liken it to when i thought i would loose my mum in school. when i close my eyes to go to sleep i pray that i will make it until the morning and that my bf will too and when he doesnt text me when he gets to work i cant do ANYTHING until i get that text. i can imagine all sorts of terrible things happening to him and i dont know how my mind comes up with them, they can make me cry on the spot and i feel out of control.
recently my bf addressed that i never let him do anything by himself and i said i was scared one of us might die and he said i was crazy but i said id rather live my life knowing i spent all my time with the person i love rather than one of us die and live in regret. im afraid he will leave me too, i think he might cheat on me, if my dad could cheat on my mum even tho he had a kid on the way whos to say my bf wont? i worry that he will leave me and no matter how much i want to be with him he wont want me back, i worry he will be out of control when drunk and do something unfogivable. im also worried that what im feeling and obsessing about would drive him away and i feel like i cant live without him. sometimes i lay their hugging him thinking ' its inevitble that one day i will loose you' he hasnt really been touched by death so he doesnt get it.

then i think i will loose everyone, all the people i love will be gone. i cant even enjoy myself or be in a room filled woth the people i love because i look at them and think,' its going to be so hard when i loose you'

im afraid to go the the doctor incase he gives me medication, because i dont want to be controlled by tablets becasue as soon as i come off them surely i will go back to feeling this way? and i dont want to see a therapist because my friend has with her troubles and she did not find it to work and the thought of going thru all this with a stranger face to face doesnt appeal.

i have no idea what to do. i know i need help but i dont know where to go andthis is the only place ive found where people have similar issues.

sorry if that dragged a bit i just really need advice

M xo

[EllaIvy]

I can really relate to Maddy, my whole life is centered around doing everything I can to make sure my family and boyfriend are fine. My boyfriend recently went to uni (he lives in halls on campus) and it has been a nightmare for me. He is 45 minutes away from me and while he is there all I can think is what if this, what if that. I have to call him twice every morning and stay on the phone to him while he walks to his lecture which is 20 minutes away, towards the end of that phone call I have to say don't die don't switch your phone off don't etc.. about 25 different things, then he has to call me as soon as it finishes so I know he is still alive/not gone missing. Then he walks back and has to call me when hes back at his room, then I have to call him every hour or so to make sure he's okay. He has to tell me exactly what he's doing so I can picture it in my head, and inevitably somtimes I can't get hold of him on his mobile this sends me into a massive panic where I suddenly find myself running around the house saying he's dead or ill or missing and it takes me 5-10 minutes to get rational thinking into my head, rational thinking lasts about a minute then im back to thinking the worst. The most i've ever had to wait was half an hour, and that was honestly one of the worst days of my life, I was out with my mom (who I have to constantly be with otherwise I will just lose myself in anxiety and worry for her safety) in morrisons having a panic attack, I couldn't breath properly and I was just thinking this is it I'll never see him again, I must have called him 20 times, eventually he called me saying his lecture ran over and he couldn't answer because he was at the front of the lecture. The relief I get when I know he's okay is so strong I burst out crying most times! This is just a small part of what I have to do everyday, anxiety has really took over my life, I can't go out alone and have to constantly check everyone and everything is okay.
I have free floating anxiety at the moment, which is just a constant ( and it really is ALL the time) feeling of impending doom. I'm just hoping since he breaks up from uni this week that it subsides then, so I know what the trigger is.
All I can say about my personal anxiety is I know deep down it stems from me being such a caring person and the symptoms I get from it can not actually hurt me. I just try and tell myself that no matter what I do or say it won't make people any safer, what will be will be, and I just hope one day my rational voice will win out over irrational thinking.

[StarryBlueGal]

I have this thing too - I think a lot about what would happen to my family when they are gone. I imagine lots of things... from cancer, accidents, freak natural disasters etc. I am very dependable on my Mum, and I can't bear it if I lost her. I don't get on with my dad or my sisters - I would be sad if I lost them, but not my Mum. I would think about many things which could happen to her. I imagine if I lost all of my family and I would be alone.

I would be put in a mental hospital or a care home - which is my biggest fear. I would feel sad or angry, thinking about these bad things which would happen to my Mum. I would have these memories of the past, like if my mum is dead, and these memories come back to me and they make me feel upset, my mum is alive now! I had this problem since I was little. I used to get upset by looking at photos or things that come from the past, and I would cry. People have commented that it sounds like if I am dying thinking of these memories, and getting upset. I have panic attacks and anxiety too. I know I sound stupid!!!! I can't lose my mum but I know she won't have long left, she is 60, she is very fit and very strong. I am always worried what will happen to me in the future. I hate thinking about this a lot.

Thanks for your posts, I am glad that I am not alone with this problem. I think I have a bit of OCD, I like to have a routine and also I don't like people moving my things in my bedroom or I will go mad.

Starry xx

[saraa]

I can relate to every post on here. I am in my twenties and although I am a therapist at a behavioral institution I have this irrational fear that every time my boyfriend or family members leave my house that I will never see them again. Everyone gets frustrated with me when I ask them to text me when they get home because if they forget I get really upset and replay images and scenarios in my mind. I know for a fact that this all stems from my father dying one night in a car accident when I was a child because ever since then I would cry if my mother came home late from work or if someone failed to answer a phone call because I automatically assume that they have been in an accident. This is a form of PTSD because they situation was very traumatic. I know that life is out of my control but it scares me and I have been working hard to eliminate this fear. As a therapist you would think that it would be easy because I teach the very techniques to eliminate anxiety that I am using my self but it is easier said then done (thats why therapy is a process not a quick fix). Anyway, Its nice to know that I am not alone.

-Sara

[HelenLouise]

I have this too

I'm constantly worried about my family, particularly my boyfriend.
I'm also scared to talk about it incase i curse it. I know its stupid to worry about this so often but it won't go away :(!

xxx

[Meewah]

I have really enjoyed reading this thread. Thanks to everyone as now I know I am normal. I think they call what we are all suffering with LOVE. Yes it has its ups but also has its downs.

While nursing my father with dementure I really wished he would get well or that some miracle drug would save him just in time. I saw him slowly getting worse. I shared some of the pain he was going through. In the end because I wanted the best for him I was relieved that he had passed away. I felt a sense of Calm knowing he was not suffering any more.

I look back how I coped and feel that it was quite serene. I now realise that my greatest curse is "what if" anxiety (anticipatory) it drives me mad. At the flash of an eyelid I can see my kids morning over there Mum who incidentally is fit and well.

Who knows what's in the future for us all. There is one thing for sure death is a normal part of life. We will all die sometime and not necessarily when we expect to.

I feel my worry of loss is purely selfish as I need these people in my life for MY happiness. Now I pro-actively meet lots of people I am trying to build friendships and relationships wherever possible to protect me from the pain of loss. I am a better nicer person from my anxiety once again. Thanks my old friend...."anxiety"


Health and happiness

Mee

[FitnessLady02]

We share the same thoughts and feeling. There was a time when I looked at my mom and a thought just same in me that she will be gon. Then suddenly, tears burst in me.

[HJM1960]

well, it is good to know I am not the only one out here troubled by morbid thoughts!! I tend to imagine all sorts of morbid happenings at any time of the day, but worst when I go to bed. It really helps to do something abrupt to break the chain of thoughts when you realise the path you are on, I tend to slap my forehead (lightly!!) and say "stop right now" and then try to concentrate on building up an image of my dream place, a beautiful beach or mountain stream. That does help! Also, I try to repeat to myself that these are only thoughts, so think of something else. this is my brain, I need to take control.
I cry about loads of things, but sometimes I realise that I should just allow myself to cry it all out, because I usually feel better afterwards as if this is a safety valve. I used to feel stupid about it, but hey, better stupid than suicidal, no?
We are not alone, so keep your chins up and go put on your favourite music or do something special for yourself!
Heather

[A x]

Hello, I don't think anyone has been on this particular subject for some time but if anyone does pick up my message I would appreciate any support. I have always adored beyond belief my family. However I worry unbelievably about my mum and dad, I love lots of other people but they almost seem invincible and I don't ever think anything will happen to them but as soon as my mum and dad are ill with anything I completely panic and can hardly focus on anything else. My mum has had cancer and now when she has routine check ups I can't cope and feel choked with anxiety. The only person I can talk to about this is my husband, best friend and daughter. I am so scared of losing them and feel like I just can't be happy, this is completely taking over my life...